A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I apologize if this is too long... I dated a girl, we'll call her Jane, in high school. She was the sweetest person and it was a pretty great relationship. However, due to her dad's work, she had to move away my sophomore year.We kept in touch even after she moved, but eventually went our separate ways knowing it'd be sort of difficult for it to work. Of course, I dated other girls throughout high school, sometimes for months at a time. But somehow there would always be something about every girl I dated that left me wishing she were more like Jane. I would always end up comparing every girl I dated or even had a crush on to Jane.As the years went on we would talk on the phone every now and then and it turned out I was the only from my high school that she even kept in touch with anymore. By our senior year, she had moved to Virginia but was planning on coming down to go to prom with me.The prom didn't work out but we would talk for hours night after night all summer long. We texted each other every now and then throughout the day. It was sort of obvious we still had feelings for each other.Right before college started I made a little comment hinting that I still liked her. She didn't seem to respond to it too well and I was pretty broken up about it. Not long after, I met a girl, "Danielle", at college orientation and, ten months later, I'm still dating her.My relationship with Danielle started out pretty good. I really fell for her at first. About a month after we started dating, Jane called me while I was with Danielle and I answered. Danielle wasn't too happy and it created a week-long ordeal which ended up in me basically telling Jane I couldn't talk to her anymore because it would make Danielle feel bad.I really didn't want to do that, but I just wanted the arguments to stop. I felt/feel terrible about doing that to Jane though. I talked to Jane about it a little while after it happened and we seemed to be okay. As my relationship has gone on with Danielle, it's been good, but over time she has slowly become kind of controlling, needy, annoying at times. I've told her I'm in love with her and I thought I was.Not too long after I talked to Jane about what had happened, I couldn't get her out of my head. Then she started dating someone else.Towards the end of school, it started becoming worse. I think because I remember how great it was to talk on the phone to her every day last summer and how different it has been not having that this summer.Anyway, I'm sorry this is so long, but to sum it all up, I'm in a good relationship (but it's getting... eh) and I cannot get Jane out of my head. As it was all throughout high school, I'm constantly comparing my current girlfriend to Jane. I just want to tell Jane how I feel so bad because I could always talk to her about this stuff, but she's in a relationship now. I wonder to myself if she's feeling the same way. I don't want to barge in and ruin what she's got if she truly is happy, but I want her to know how I feel about her.Then again, we live a few states apart and even if we were to start back up what we had, I'm wondering if it would be too difficult for us to get along so far apart.Any advice would be very appreciated. And thanks for reading I apologize if it's too long.
View related questions:
crush, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, heatherrrrrrr +, writes (30 July 2008):
 A lot of men, maybe even the majority of men, hang onto the ideal of their first love for years or even decades. Women are said to be the romantic ones but I believe that is a complete misnomer. Perhaps the reason you can't move on is because you never really had closure with this girl. She moved away, it's not like you had a horrible breakup or one of you cheated or anything like that. Plus you stayed in contact in a friendly way over the years. So what you have are a couple of options.
1. You write her a nice handwritten letter, or e-mail, or a planned phone call and tell her how you feel. She will either accept this or reject it.
2. You cut off communication with her for the sake of your future relationships(which should also happen if you share your feelings and she rejects you).
If you can bag one amazing girl, there will unquestionably be more amazing girls down the line. You are only short changing yourself if you let the ideal of Jane infect every relationship you have.
Also, it kind of sounds like you're looking for a way out of your current blah relationship. Which is totally normal and fine for a college freshman. You're going to meet LOTS of new people in the next three years and that means lots of opportunity. Best of luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): From your telling, I can feel that you love Jane a lot. In my opinion, if you have not move on, you shouldn't start a new relationship. It is not fair to both the new girl and you.
I would recommend you to tell Jane how you feel. Ask her if she still feel the same. If the love is so great, there is nothing can come in between. Distance doesn't matter if you two can hold it forever.
You are lucky to find someone that you love, love you back. I am sure Jane hasn't move on yet. You have the chance. Use it or it will be too late.
Lots of wishes
...............................
|
