A
male
age
36-40,
*ookingforhelp
writes:i was with my ex for close to 14 months and i did have strong feelings for her and loved her a lot.however we ran into trouble when i had a combination of problems at work,at home but i didn't want to tell her anything about it all and kept it to myself.i never cheated on her or anything but she was somehow insecure about my friendship with a girl friend from my previous school whom i jokingly address as "bro"this girl friend is pretty but older than me by close to a year and i dunt have any feelings whatsoever for her and besides she is attached.if im not mistaken,my ex was thinking i had feelings for this girl. (didn't ask her this but its just a guess)i always assured her i loved just her based on this guess i listed above.i made the point clear that there was noway i was falling for this friend of mine cos i was dead serious about being with my ex.i told her i wasn't treating it as a fling but a serious relationshipevery time i asked her anything ,she refused to say anything at all.and when i didn't ask she got mad i wasn't asking.she is turning 19 and im turning 22.she initiated the break up when i couldnt call her for 3 days and i know thats long but i kept texting her throughout the 3 days.the reason i couldn't call her was because i didn't want her to detect that i was down from all those problems.i simply didn't want to get her upset thats all,but she took it so awfully wrongly that she wanted a break.i kept going to her place after work for 6 consecutive days in the hope of seeing her and i would wait up to 7 hours each time after work.i was absolutely down and on top of that i had my piling problems at work and at home.finally i managed to speak to her on the sixth day and she kept accusing me of stuff which was absolutely untrue.and didnt let me say a word in defense.i got so mad at one point that i hurled a vulgarity at her for the first time in the time we have been together.i lost it! and she hung up almost instantly.i was so horrified by what i said..i didnt mean it but i was just being pushed to a corner.she called it off.and its bugging me to this day from the time she called it off about 2 months ago. i still love her.but at the same time i dare not contact her for fear that she might totally write me off her life.i used to say a word or two when i am online using msn chat,and she even asked me out with her the next day.and when it was time to meet she said it wasnt even confirmed i was meeting her. later that night as i was talking to her on msn chat she told me to "just go". this was about 4 days ago and i haven't said a word since to her.its been 4 straight days that i haven't spoken a word verbally or literally. and in these 4 days, i found out that she deleted me off her contacts list on the msn chat and blocked me from making any sort of comment on her community website(friendster) i have tried to move on but im finding it extremely difficult to do so because i truly love her but she doesn't see it.i spoke to her so called best friend on msn chat twice.the first time was about 4 months ago when my ex was mad at me and sort off called the relationship off as well.this best friend of hers actually told me i deserve better and told me to go date someone else.i didn't believe what i was reading on the screen.i saved the conversation and sent it to my ex and she laughed it off. she checked with her best friend and the best friend sort of told her she did it because she didn't wan to hurt my feelings and was helping my ex convince me to leave.i refuse to believe such nonsense because she could have said anything else but not "i deserve better"its the same as saying that my ex is not worth the time and love at all. i tried to make my ex see the picture but she was blinded by this so called best friends sweet words.what's worse is that this best friend of hers is a cheap slut who jets off to a foreign land to meet up with an old man she met on friendster. she serial dates .4 guys at a time!i fear she is turning my ex whom i love very much into something she is not. she is from a religious background. and her elder sis is nothing like that.please help! she also has not deleted my picture of us together from her friendster account.nor deleted any pictures from my account.she has to use my password to log into my account to delete the pictures.she has my password as well but she hasnt gone in to delete them she deleted some pictures of us but left other pictures of us untouched.do you think she still loves me?after she called our relationship off i went to her place to apologise roughly 2 weeks later to say sorry and take the blame on myself and when i did she seemed to smile slightly but she quickly concealed her smile.she had previously been sending me a million mixed signals.despite her calling it off.she leaves me very confused.i don't know what to do now. please help!i know its mad but she is most probably immature now.but i seriously am worried for her and dont want her doing nensensical things to hurt herself.she is a pretty irl and has other guys after her.she even told me once after she called it off and i voiced my insecurity that those guys meant nothing to her.she was in a way suggesting that i am everyhing for her.but her actions leave me deeply confused and sad. i really do love her.
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a break, at work, best friend, cheap, immature, insecure, move on, msn, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 Hunny Im glad I could help I was worried that my words may come across as harsh and I didnt want that love as this is not my intention ever ... After you have been through so much your best interests were only at heart YOU TAKE CARE AND I HOPE LIFE GETS BETTER REAL SOON WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
male
reader, lookingforhelp +, writes (30 July 2008):
lookingforhelp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits been a total of 5 long days i have not spoken to her and i think im just trying to get over it and give myself a break now.as much as i love her i figure i cant be doing all the chasing.and as you said it takes 2 to make one. your replies have been really helpful and if she really loves me i guess she will come back.
i have sacrificed much for us to work out and on the other hand all she ever did was to care about herself.
i still love her. thank you for your words.it helped me to settle my nerves and perhaps sometimes this is what people need. thank you.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (30 July 2008):
Hi Hun
I read and re read your post, And all these problems you have been through being your g/f should she not want to be understanding no matter what if she loves you..You text but didnt ring her is this why her insecurity came out? Then once it was out she was less able to understand your problems as she felt hurt and rejected..She would not get affected by others problems?... If you care for and love someone do you not feel for that person as you are feeling for her now..If the one you love said they would not be affected by other peoples problems with the attitude that you should have told her as its really not something she would really be worried about of course you will want to bang your head against a wall, At the end of the day who can you turn to if not the one you love and who loves you. Maybe not on the phone but explaining face to face as you did I feel should have got some understanding just a little even, But unfortunatly she had got insecure before this so this circle began and on it goes..If you have tryed more than once to explain and you are coming up with nothing its now time for her to come to you, You have tryed very hard, Yes she may be a little immature so this is the time that she starts to learn and grow if she loves you she will come to you if not she wont...If you carry on trying to explain and she knows you are there no matter what she has no worrys. Its time to break the circle and with everything that has been going on in your life just lately its time to think of you. I no you dont want to loose this relationship sweetheart but it takes two to make one and just the mention of nearly loosing your mother well that should be enough surely to stop any insecuritys in there tracks and make any human being think, That one problem in itself should make her think and think hard..I understand your frustration and urgency even but this is not a one way thing love and some sort of realisation should have come to her by now, Not blocking you from m.s.n and daft stuff I dont want to sound harsh as Im not but she really does need to learn alot and if she does from this or not its time for you to think of you your mum and your own health, And give this space and time and if nothing happens then you did your best love that is all you can ever do in life..TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, lookingforhelp +, writes (30 July 2008):
lookingforhelp is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have already tried explaining my situation to her on a previous occassion and her reply to that was that
"i could have said it as a means of explaining why i didn't call instead of sharing my problem"
its quite difficult to forget anything at all because i think i am very serious about being with her. but i also think that being young herself,she is out to explore her options and this worries me because i fear i will lose her forever.
she has also said that she doesn't like maintaining relations with her ex's because they normally would try to intrude in her life.
i am aware that she is a little immature and hasn't been exposed to any sort of major problem as i have.
i am thinking this is why she doesn't understand why i was unable to call her in those three days in the first place.
i didn't want her to be affected in any way by my problems and i said that to her and she said she never gets affected by other people's problems and at this point i got so upset. that i left from where we were. i am just hoping i can save this relationship even as i feel that she hasn't tried enough to do so.i know i should just have taken the problems in my stride as she said i should have,but those problems weren't just any minor problems,it was as though i was being tested and these problems came at me all within the same time frame and on top of that my relationship problem added to these problems."be a man" were her exact words to me when i related my problems to her. i felt so mad that i wanted to plant a tight slap on her face but then again i dont like dong that to anybody much less her.
how much more of a man can anyone be when he is coping with almost losing his mother forever whom he is close to and at the same time being a victim of backstabbing at work by a friend of 3 years. and adding to that my own personal health problem which is something minor but its a heart problem and im still undermedication for that and i havent told my mum or anyone much about it(not in detail,just roughly)
is she avoiding me because she doesnt want problems?
its not like i will be burdenig her with my problems.
and ive told her that too.she said its not that,she said she was just bothered by the fact that i told her indirectly to be a little understanding towards my problems too when she was seeking my attention and feeling insecure.
i know i was at fault there and im cursing the moment i said those words.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (30 July 2008):
Hi Hunny
I havent much time so I will talk with you later as well if you wish, Maybe sweetheart if you wrote a letter telling her the truth about how you were down with all these problems and family things and this is why you did not want to talk as you felt she would pick up on it and get concerned..But write everything in this letter your friendship with your bro everything explaining the whole lot...Now I do think she is acting very silly at this moment and not thinking just what she may have lost here, And some friends can be more of a pain then a help in these circumstances, In your letter you could ask her to meet you love to talk. This is all you can do be honest truthfull and give it one last go to get her to understand the truth of the matter..If that doesnt work love then you have to go forward, Im hoping maybe she will be able to read this and knowing you realise her mistakes in accusing you. If you need a chat love message me ok YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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