A
female
age
30-35,
*aisylove
writes:My lesbian partner and I have been together for over two years now and have had our ups and downs but we are now on a high and are thinking about becoming engaged and our future however there is one thing thats getting in the way and i just want advice and to know if in your opinion I am in the wrong or if it is her. So the story is:I have had this bestfriend who is a straight male for over a year now and he is great and makes a lovely friend and we have grown close. However he then soon admitted to me that he loves me as in more of a friend way so i clearly stated that i love him but no more then a friend as i am in love with my girlfriend. He took it as well as he could however i then told my girlfriend and she was not happy and she asked me to not talk to him anymore but i said i did not want to as he was my bestfriend, so she was upset and said that she thinks i want to make him more happy then her so i told her i would. now i havent talked to him for a week and he keeps trying to talk to me unaware that i am not talking to him. this all sounds childish, i know which is why i need advice to help me make the right decsions.Also if it helps me and the male friend have no relationship past, we have never kissed and as far as i am concerned i have never flirted with him. Also our conversations on my side are always kept at friendship level, however he did used to flirt with me and call me beautiful etc. but eventually i told him he could not talk to me anymore as it is not fair on my girlfriend he understood and up until last week our conversations where left at friendship. thankyou for reading any advice will be apreciated!
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best friend, engaged, flirt, lesbian Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): Don't be controlled by your girlfriend. If you want to stay friends with him, then tell her that is what you are going to do. A person that truly loves you will not be controlling and accept what ever choice you make. As for your friend. I would suggest you have a break for a little while. Maybe talk to him and say you'd like to give him some space. You must consider his feelings, giving him room to come to terms with the situation would be a very wise idea. Perhaps two or three months not seeing him would be a good idea. But whatever you do, talk to him, don't just blank him.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Both your friend and your girlfriend are important people in your life. By ending one for the other is to state the one ended lacks importance to you, and was not really a friend at all. They both have their place in your life, just different places than each other. It is not okay to end a best friend relationship for your girlfriend, and it is selfish for her to ask you to. She must realize you are with her for no other reason than you make the choice to be. She's not your keeper, where she can dictate who you can and cannot be friends with. Good friends are hard to find, and being willing to write them off for a partner, is to say you don't find value in having this best friend.
Tell your girlfriend you will not end it. Let her know to make such demands is selfish, and it hurts you by doing so. Assure her that she is the one you choose for being more than a friend, and that if she says you'll treat him as more than a friend too, then she doesn't have trust in you or faith in your relationship. It's based on her insecurities, and you should not get rid of someone who's important to you to cater to the insecurities of another.
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