A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For about the past 2 years, I have been in love with this girl. We started off talking fairly often, and grew to be pretty good friends. I haven't really stopped thinking about her since then. And everytime I thought about her, I would always feel happy and longing for her. Just about a week ago, she told me that she likes me, and it is fairly obvious she really, really likes me. I have told her in the past that I adore her a lot, and recently she told me that I made her incredibly happy. But a few days ago, something weird and aweful happened. I couldn't feel the same way about her. I really want to love her again, but I just can't feel that way. Is it really possible that just in a few days and without any real reason, I haven't fallen out of love with this person? I think I just second-guessed my feelings for her, and now I really would like to feel the way I used to. It kills me to think that I would have to end this, especially because I still like her and want to be with her, and that I really, really don't want to break her heart. Please help me out. I've felt pretty aweful about this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): i think you wanted what you couldnt have,
and now that you have it,
it isnt so great and you dont want it anymore.
save the time and end it and stay good friends, gives you time to find new people and move on,
xo!
A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (17 August 2008):
 It shouldn't make a difference. Love knows no barriers.
I sent you a mail with more detailed information. Read it please.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks PsyCookie :] There is just one other thing I should've mentioned, and that is that we both live in different states :[ Does that make a difference?
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (17 August 2008):
Would it be possible that you yearned for her so much because you thought you could never get her?
This is what sounds to me to be the case. You held her very high in your mind, so much that you thought you could never get her. Which made you just want her even more. But now that she loves you, you may be unsure if this is happening for real, which might create a self-defense mechanism so you won't get hurt.
Now, you say that you still like her and that you still want to be with her, so why waste this great opportunity just because you don't feel like you love her? Just take it and go out with her!
Oh, I want to tell you before hand that love is cultivated in the relationship. At first, what you have is a very strong attraction to the person, not love, altough you may call it so if you want. But falling in love is a whole other process. With time, care, communication, compromise, and sacrifice that the two of you will have in the relationship, you will eventually end up falling in love. I tell you this by experience, because although I thought I loved my boyfriend when I first met him, I now realize that after all we have gone through that we're actually in love, but it only came after years of sharing the relationship.
So please don't feel aweful about not feeling like you love her, because you DO like her, you DO want to be with her, and you DO desire her. You just need to cultivate the love in the relationship.
Love is like a plant. It grows over time and meticulous care, and when you two are truelly in love, it means that the flower has blossomed. So once you are in the relationship, start taking care of that plant and with constant care, it will blosom.
Good luck man, and I wish you the best in your relationship.
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