A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi ya'll. there's this new guy at work, really cute and really nice + we clicked almost immediately. well we've gotten quite close over the past few weeks and i've really enjoyed getting to know him better. his marriage seems to have hit the rocks and he's thinking of getting a divorce. coz we've been spending so much time together he says he' developed feelings for me but i'm crazy abt someone else so i told him we cant be more than friends. i'm now worried that our relationship could still be considered cheating (on his wife + my boyfriend). are we cheating even if we just hang out without much physical contact sexual or otherwise. any answers will be most helpful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): I really don't think that there is an answer better than devastated2008's. I was in the same situation a couple of years ago and my marriage almost ended because of an emotional affair that turned physical. Even if you work with this guy, you can still avoid putting yourself into situations where you are alone and close. Speaking from the other side of the fence....please walk away and let it go.
A
female
reader, devastated2008  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 Speaking as someone who has been devastated by a cheating spouse... I would consider it cheating or at the least playing with fire. You have some attraction and you know that he does, so in order to protect your relationship with your boyfriend and avoid getting draw into the friend's marriage problems you need to draw tight boundaries.My ex's affair started out as a friendship, instead of turning to me with his frustrations he was turning to a friendly, sympathetic ear. Sharing intimate information, private feelings those are ways of bonding (building love)so while my ex was "bonding" with her, he was simultaneously destroying our bond.Your friend is having marriage problems that makes him much more vulnerable to an emotional or physical affair. Marriages cycle through periods of dissatisfaction, his fantasies regarding his feelings for you are decreasing the chances of him addressing the issues in his marriage. You are his cop-out.I know you think he's on the verge of divorce and you are probably justifiably sympathetic to his issues, but the fact is he is not divorced. If he was really that unhappy with his wife he would not need his feelings for you to encourage him to get a divorce, he would have already done it.As far as your boyfriend goes I imagine if you presented this question to him, he would not feel it was ok for you to continue being friends with him. Your relationship with your boyfriend should be protected if you value it.
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