A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend sometimes looks at other girls (like checking them out)- does this mean that he isn't attracted to me or that he would like to have sex with these girls? Does he look at them because he is bored of me? Is it because I am too ugly for him? I don't know what to say when I see him looking at these girls and I have questions that I want answering so please, lots of perspectives are much appreciated. He told me that it doesn't affect his feelings for me at all and that all it is is a fleeting glance, that he never thinks of them again after the few seconds he sees them. He says that he loves me and thinks I am the hottest woman in the world. But I feel insecure when I notice him looking at a girl in a short skirt, and worry that I cannot keep his attention or that the behavior might turn into cheating.thanks for your views
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male
reader, PM +, writes (7 November 2007):
 Men are a biologically built to be instantly attracted to a beautiful woman. I know when I see a beautiful woman, regardless of who I'm with, I instantly feel like taking her in my arms. I know that this is just my biological response though. Your bf is looking because of this response, but is obviously controlling the bulk of it.
There are two parts to your problem. The guys who have posted already have already pointed out that it seems like you're a little unsure about yourself. This is entirely to be expect because the second part involves your bf not reassuring you sufficiently.
Just as a man is predisposed to be instantly attracted to a beautiful woman, a woman is predisposed to fear being left without a partner in the event that she has a child. In current society, that would look very bad on her and more historically, it would likely have meant the death of both her and her child simply because she would not be able to provide for both her and the child. Your feelings stem largely from this fear, in my opinion. What your bf needs to do is show that he's into you for more than just your beauty, since beauty is fleeting. He needs to show that he's attracted to you as a person, whether it be because you guys share some obscure interest or whatever, he needs to do that.
Anyway, hope that helps. Feel free to let me know how things work out.
A
male
reader, Nodrog2  +, writes (7 November 2007):
Yeah, all the guys who have replied above are absolutely right - don't worry about it; it's all about confidence and trust between the pair of you. If he sees a nice pair of legs across the street or/and a woman with an enormous pair of knockers walks by and he ogles either (or both) of them, you should feel confident enough (as my wife does frequently)- to acknowledge the appraisal by making an appropriate and/or humourous comment eg "I bet you wouldn't mind having them wrapped around you for a while"(I would add I do exactly the same if she eyes up a dishy young Italian waiter who's serving us!)It's human attraction for the opposite species, it's light, it's flirtatious, it makes the world go round!
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 I don't think you have anything to worry about. It is possible to window shop without purchasing the goods so to speak.
The way many women dress in many cases nowadays is to attract the attention of the opposite sex.
It is simply flattering to them to be looked at by others or they would not be so flashy.
It is just like seeing a flashy new car. Just because it attracts your attention doesn't mean you are going to go right out and get it.
This doesn't mean he holds you in any less regard.
Unless he becomes obsessive about other girls I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Doc
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Hi,
Oh dear, your appear to have very low self esteem.
Your boyfriend is going out with you because you are hot. Thats right, why would he run after one of these girls when he already has a hottie on his arm?
We boys cant help taking a quick peak at a pretty girl, but that doesnt mean we are going to try and get them into bed, it just means we appreciate a fine looking girl. My wife loves looking at cute guys - she's always commenting on this guy or that guy's great butt. You see we have no inhibitions and trust each other completely, so we are comfortable being open like this.
Try and build your confidence up, the only thing that will drive your boyfriend away into someone else's arms is if you continue as you do, there is nothing more that puts a guy off than a girl who wont stop complaining about how he looks at other girls. Its scary dude and it also shows you dont trust us, so why be with you if you dont trust us?
Relax, enjoy your time with your boyfriend, and maybe check out some of the hot guys out there, you are in a relationship after all he should trust you just like you trust him right?
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