A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit over a year, although in the early stages we went roughly two months without speaking.During that time, he later admitted to me that he had sex with a girl twice. I expected that he would have, so when he told me it didn't come as a shock although it still hurt to have my suspicions confirmed.A couple months after we started talking again, he suggested that we 'take a break', which ended four days later with me needing to pick up something I'd left at his house and him saying he didn't know what he'd been thinking. So we got back together.Some time after that, he left his phone in my car and I took a look at texts he'd sent around the time we broke up, and found he was telling some girl all about things he found wrong with me and suggesting that she could potentially be his next girlfriend. Yes, I know that looking in his phone is an invasion of privacy but at the same time, he always takes my phone and does god knows what with it.One of the reasons why I think he always takes my phone is because he wants to check to make sure I'm not sexting anyone. Which in turn I think is because he does, and is projecting that onto me. Whenever he walks in on me doing something on my phone, he ALWAYS asks who I'm sexting, obviously as a joke but I think there's an underlying seriousness there. I understand that he's had problems with previous girlfriends cheating on him, but I don't think I've ever given him any reason not to trust me, and I'm getting sick of him taking his unfounded fears out on me.This brings me to our current situation, in which we have been mostly happy for the past several months, although we do argue sometimes as all couples do. Recently however, I found myself alone with his phone again and thought he couldn't possibly have anything hurtful on it as the phone is fairly new. Wrong. Around halloween we'd had an argument after which I spent the weekend alone while he went out with his friends, which is usually fine as he's a more social person than me, but under the circumstances I was worried. I checked his texts and found that around that time, he'd been texting some girl, asking her sexual questions and saying he was arguing with his 'bitchy gf'. At least he mentioned my existence, which I suppose is something.Maybe he didn't think it was a big deal to be flirting with her as she goes to school across the country, however cheating isn't necessarily only physical and I don't know if he sees it that way. I can't live comfortably wondering whether or not he's sexting someone every time we have an argument or saying things about me to someone who doesn't even know me.Are my worries unfounded? Or should I confront him?
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female
reader, bardia  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Honestly, I would have been done with him the first time it happened. If he is still looking for that kind of attention it is not harmless. And it wasn't just sexting, either. He called you a "bitch of a girlfriend"? How terribly hurtful to say that about someone he's supposed to love! For your sake, please leave him and his juvenile noncommittal behavior behind. Do not go back no matter what he says or promises or begs. He's done this too many times and your precious heart is worth infinitely more than he deserves.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): Unfounded? Please be kidding. There is a 5 alarm fire right in your house and you can't see it! This guy is treating you like crap and you are sitting back and taking it. Sexting, texting other women that he considers to be potential girlfriends is pure and simply, disrespectful to you and he doesn't even care if you know about it. You need to acquire some self-respect and tell this cheating douche bag to hit the road. You need to realize that you can do so much better than this loser. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): Sexting is cheating. Its called 'emotional cheating' in that he seeks other sources of comfort, stimulus, friendship, counsel from someone else that is NOT you.I say he has a pattern of behaviour that may suggest he is a bit of a narcissist as they tend to 'start' other possible relationships before they end the current one. Which is also known as serial cheater behaviour.You have discovered he is a very untrustworthy individual and now are even reacting like a suspicious (with just cause) lurcking Girl Friend.You either decide if you can accept this behaviour about him and confront him and let him know you know.Or you cannot accept this behaviour about him, walk or suggest couples counselling to get him help because eventually, a serial cheater will need help for his addiction.Narcissistic Personality Disorder:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001930/http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorderSerial Cheaters:http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/cheating-and-infidelity/stats-about-infidelity/cheating-husband.htmlhttp://www.discoversignsofcheating.com/cheating-articles/cheating-reasons/dealing-with-serial-cheaters/
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