A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About a month ago my boyfriend of three years told me he cheated. He told me a couple days after it happened. This was the first time he had done it. As he was telling me he was very apologetic and he cried. That was the first time in three years I had ever heard him cry the way he did. Of course I broke it right off right then and there because I cannot take that kind of disrespect. I told him to leave me alone and that I would not take him back. I have not spoken to him since then. I am still hurting alot! and doing my best to move on with my life. Despite of everything I miss him. I was not a perfect girlfriend but I loved him unconditionally. I treated him in the best way I ever could. I was so good to him. I put up with a lot of BS from him for three years and for him to go do that was a slap in the face. My main question here is do cheaters usually regret cheating?Will my ex one day realize what he lost?Since i am not willing to speak to him anymore, In a way I guess I am just wondering and searching for answers if he might be feeling some sort of remorse or if he will get over it much sooner than I will...
View related questions:
move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): Depends upon the person and the reasons for cheating.Some people never do regret it...and continue it.Some people do it when angry, depressed, drunk, or stressed in some manner, and then never get over it and regret it till the day they die."I was not a perfect girlfriend"Nobody is perfect. However, that is never any sort of justification for cheating.You are young, and he has been an ass, but it might help your self esteem if you read about affairs and why they happen. Believe it or not, and it is hard to believe, but the cheating is not about you. The cheating is about him, and only him.People cheat because of their own internal issues, not because of their spouse or gf or partner. This is hard for those of us to accept who have been cheated on, but it is true in all cases. There are always options that don't involve cheating; divorce, separation, breaking up, etc. But cheaters get a thrill from the cheat, because of their internal issues.It isn't that you are not as attractive, not as nice, not this, not that. It is that the bf was not able to manage his own internal issues mentally.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 November 2011):
 in my experience they regret getting caught...
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Some do, some don't.
I think the fact that he fessed up, apologized and felt remorseful for it, shows that he DID regret it. He didn't wait til he got caught.
However, it doesn't change the fact that he DID cheat.
Hopefully HE learned something from this experience too, of what NOT to do in a relationship.
Chin up, honey.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): not all of them. some love the thrill of no one knowing and carry on looking their partner in the eye without a single thought of what they are doing. these are the most likeliest to take it bad if they themselves was cheated on but they get off on their own cheating. if they get caught they believe their partner deserved it and are usually convinced their partner left them not for their cheating,but because other reasons and they are actually the victim.
...............................
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Hi,
Sorry to hear about your experience. I have just ended a 10 years relationship. It has been 15 mos now, since the discovery. I know the pain too well.
As for your question, it depends on the person. Not everyone have the same standards, morals, character, etc. Some people might feel really regretful, and won't do it again. Others, might just continue life as if nothing happened?
I would never be able to cheat, lie, steal.. It's just not me, I worry too much... I have a hug sense of guilt when I do something wrong, or hurt somebody. It's just my character. I am embarrassed to say this, but even after 15 mos, I am still not over the pain. I guess I am just too sensitive.
So, it all depends on the person. Some people do feel guilty, some don't. Some people will change, some don't. Some peole get over sooner than others. I am glad that you are so strong, and decided to walk away. I do not blame women that decided to stay. At the end, there's no right or wrong. You just have to do what's best for you.
I wish you find someone that will love you, treat you the way you deserve. I hope that you stay strong, and do not let this experience change the way you are. I hope you can heal soon... Feel better...
Best of luck!
...............................
|
