A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For the past few weeks my boyfriend has been acting very different with me and I don't know what's going on anymore.Basically I have a few questions such as What are the signs that a guy is losing interest in you or becoming bored with the relationship?Why is my boyfriend not wanting to talk much with me lately? (like not calling/texting me much anymore?)Why are some reasons my boyfriend becomes completely distant/detached? My boyfriend use to give me so much attention and wanted to be with me all of the time and now he doesn't make much effort to do this anymore, why is this?Honestly he's been acting like he doesn't really care anymore but I know he use to care so much. I have calmly talked with him about this a few days ago and I didn't get an answer. All he says is it's not my fault and that he's sorry and that he loves me, etc. But this same behavior continues and nothing changes so I don't know what to do anymore. Him and I use to have an amazing relationship and now I just feel lonely and confused in our relationship.Should I try to talk to him again? Should I give him space and not say anything to him at all? What should I be doing? Thanks for your help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (3 January 2014):
 Have you ever seen this?
http://cdn.themetapicture.com/media/funny-women-vs-men-diary.jpg
I think it applies here. He sounds like maybe something is going on at work or with his family and he just hasn't brought it up. Holidays are stressful for a lot of people. Give him space and let him go sulk around for a bit and hopefully he'll perk back up. Let him come to you if he wants to talk instead of asking, as asking could make him clam up a bit. Guys are brought up to feel like they need be manly and hide their feelings, so if he was having a problem he might be worried you'll think he's weak. Just give him space.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2014): Its good that you discussed it calmly with him. Now he knows how you feel.
This is basically all you can do.
To do other things is pointless. It's is how it is. The most important thing here is you, how you feel around him. Trust yourself, if this is how he makes you feel than this is how the situation is with him.
Who knows what's going inside his head. He said he loves you, but who knows if it's the truth. So far his actions are not the action of a loving person.
May be there is someone else on horizon, may be he is just a bit bored. The most important thing here that you are not happy anymore and feel miserable around him. So, your actions?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2014): Okay, the key thing here is that you tried to talk to him about your feelings. Your serious concerns didn't phase him. This is an important detail to formulate my advice.
You are past the honeymoon-stage of your relationship. For some odd reason, guys just don't always seem to maintain the same level of enthusiasm about relationships as the ladies do. Sex usually keeps us pretty happy.
Text messaging, and messaging all day keeps women happy. It becomes a chore, a burden, and then a drag for us guys.
It's tiresome saying cute things all day. It's excruciating by the tenth message in the hour.
When first dating, everyone has valentines in their eyes and everything is so sweet. You text her poems, write songs, and compose sonnets to her beauty. You can chat on the phone until sunrise. You can kiss until your mouth is dry, and your lips are chapped. That's new love. It grows up. It changes.
The music plays in the background, and you're running through fields of flowers, and holding hands in the rain; just like those scenes in "chick-movies." No offense intended here, I'm making a point.
Then he becomes so comfortable he passes gas in your presence, and eats off your plate. He says obnoxious things and forgets to compliment your hair you stood in front of a mirror fixing for him for two hours. He wants to lie around and do nothing on weekends. That's fine with you, but he wants to do it a his buddy's place, not yours.
Your relationship starts to mature and move through stages.
He gets so used to having a loving girl around; he will take it for granted.
He thinks the relationship is on autopilot, and just being around and sending you a smiley face text should be enough.
Don't bother bitching and moaning about it; he knows how in-love with him you are, and you aren't going anywhere. Actions speak louder than words, just saying he loves you apparently isn't too convincing. He isn't making much effort to show it.
He relaxes because the relationship seems like a habit to him. He's gotten used to it.
Take action. Change your hair, workout, get new interests and do things independently.
Be available when you feel like it. Let him have to make more effort to get your attention. When he doesn't message you to find out how you're doing, ignore him. Then he'll be curious of what's going on.
If you're missing in action, and he doesn't take notice.
He doesn't care, and you're infatuated with a jerk. He probably has another girl on the horizon; and he's waiting for you to just dry-out and fall off.
Yours is a typical problem. It means you've been concentrating far too much of your time and effort on your boyfriend; and not enough on yourself. You're not spending enough time making friends, or with your friends.
You're giving too much, and he's spoiled and over-fed. He needs to miss you, and he needs to see something different about you. He also has to see your strength and independence.
He has to realize your attractiveness is not only his to behold; he has competition.
Utilize his indifference. Find and love yourself. Stay busy. Stop centering all your time, attention, and feelings on a guy who isn't returning the love. You're like an extra pair of sneakers. Waiting patiently to be used.
Consider bringing the relationship to a close. Often when guys act like your boyfriend; it's just before he decides to breakup with you. So start thinking more about you, and less about him.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (3 January 2014):
 It could be that he has something else on his mind, some or other problem and when men have a problem, they get distant so they can figure it out on their own. Women can misread the signs and can fret and nag (understandably).
Give him space but don't be dramatic, just act like nothing is wrong (he already knows you are worried, you only have to say it once). Get on with other things and see what happens. Once he has figured out the problem, normal service usually returns and he will be grateful that you didn't crowd him or moan at him.
If the worst is going to happen, it will happen whether you give him space or hang around his neck begging and crying. Hang tough girl, cry and moan to your friends if you need to vent, but dont get all up in his face because it will give him a perfect excuse.
If things still continue like this, being absent lets him know that it's NOT really OK to keep treating you this way...short term to fix a problem is no problemo...long term blowing hot and cold is a deal breaker.
He has something on his mind, leave him alone with it and make no big moves for now...see what happens.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2014): When this EXACT thing happened between my boyfriend and I, he broke up with me when I pushed him enough. Distance isn't a very good sign in a long term relationship. If something is bothering him, he should be sharing with you, not pushing you away. I would say it's a red flag. I would prepare myself for a possible break/breakup. Unless you can get him talking. But don't accuse him, just express your concerns gently. You don't deserve to be in limbo. Know what my bf said when he broke up with me after growing distant?? "It's not your fault, I still love you, don't blame yourself." Sound familiar?? The signs for me were the fact that he wouldn't call anymore, wouldn't want to hang out, would text me once a day at like 6 PM and he basically rarely initiated anything anymore. He would hang out with friends instead of me and there was always something that was brought up that I didn't know about. i.e, he would make plans to go on trips by himself without telling me, he would have new friends that I didn't know about. Just weird, secretive stuff. If he's still interested, he would be making all the effort he could to see you regardless what he was going through. and whatever he's going through, he shouldn't hide it from you. Men are very good at hiding their feelings when something is wrong.
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