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female
,
anonymous
writes: my ex and i have been talking for a few months...he needs time to get his head together before getting back into things with me. Noone did anything bad, I think he just needs time...not ready to be in a relationship again. The times we talk it seems i am the last call of the night which is nice. Sometimes when I call he doesn't pick up or call back that night. It happened last night. I starting using a feature on the phone that tells me when a vmail i sent was listened to. When i called him which wasn't too late..he listened to it almost 2 hours later. It made me think maybe he was with a girl and COULDNT listen to it any earlier or maybe perhaps he just fell asleep or was busy or wasnt up for talking that night. I can't help but get a little worried when this happens. Am i overreacting? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, naughty girl  +, writes (1 April 2010):
If he wanted to be in a relationship with you he would be in a relationship with you.it's as simple as that.your both free and single and what he may or may not be doing with another woman is none of your concern. Except maybe to give him your blessing and bestwishes-not that he needs this, being a single guy.when people say they are not ready for a relationship it a kind way of saying 'I don't want a relationship with you.' He is just keeping his options wide open and is using you as a comfort blanket. Don't bother checking up on your ex boyfriend. He is not your boyfreind. If you can't cope with being a friend to him end all contact. Go out with friends and maybe even start dating again. Best wishes
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 April 2010):
Yes, I'm afraid you're over reacting a lot. You're not together (you say he's an ex), and that means he can do what he likes. He could have been out with friends, he could have been doing anything other than being with another woman. You need to do something else to keep you from reacting this way, or you'll just end up paranoid. So have a friend or several other friends ready to call if you think you're going to call him. Or throw yourself into a new hobby.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionagain this is the original poster..where in my post did i say i ended it?? i did not end it nor am i calling him every night.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 I verbally batter men that do what you are doing.
You are no different.
You are the one that needs to get help, not him.
You act like that out of the relationship that you ended?
Now you want back in and are being jealous of him?
Please
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am the original poster...we do not talk every night..we have been taking turns calling every few days.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Okay, this kind of 'checking up' on him is not healthy on your part. You two are apart, he's doing his own thing, he is not accountable to you at this point in time. You are only making yourself crazy and if you two do get back together, you are going to have these doubts flooding back into the relationship.
Why are you doing this to yourself? It sounds as though he's the one who wanted the space and you cannot seem to give it to him.
If I were you, I would consider myself broken up, and that means limiting contact. Speaking to him every night is NOT limiting contact, it means checking up on him and frankly sounds a bit smothering. I would stop calling him altogether for at least a week, call my girlfriends and make sure I have something fun and engaging to do every night. I would turn off that voicemail feature and recognize that it is not healthy for me to obsess over how he's spending his time.
You need to separate mentally from him and that means being strong. Yes, it's not easy, it's not what you want, and it's not fun. But it IS a process you need to get through and the sooner you mentally strengthen yourself, the sooner you'll be feeling better.
Get a girlfriend to be your call buddy. In other words, when you feel the need to make contact with him, call or text her instead. She'll keep you from 'clinging him' right out of your future.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Sometimes it can happened that way and there is nothing to worry about.He could have gone out or was busy .
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A
female
reader, louisevandeburg  +, writes (31 March 2010):
You should ask him why he couldn't answer. Maybe he was just out with friends, or catching a movie? Don't jump to conclusions, try to get the facts straight first. :)
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