A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we are both 24. He's caring and patience. I've been thinking for long time about our relationship as things doesn't go right lately.He cheated on me twice in the first year when we were on long distance relationship ( now we live in same country) and also lying about several things to me. He's studying that time and last year has been graduated and having a low pay job in my country until now. Yes, he promised that he won't do the same mistake again and honestly I think he's changes and become better man for me. My mind keep thinking about it and its getting worse as time goes. I can't trust him anymore and keep worrying about things. I think I'm become a negative person now. Lately I realize that how immature he is. He acted like a baby and talk with high pitch voice like a girl. I think he's not macho enough though his body is good looking. And then I realise that he's so ignorant to what happen around him and he lacks of common sense. He's not as smart as me,as he's so naïve and childish. He easily believe in his friends words stupidly ( I don't know he's serious or trying to change my mind about some point of view). He also doesn't solve problem smartly as me.I can say I lost some my respect to him. To make it worse, my mom told me he's a dumb guy and that's why my mom thinks that he won't do any abusive things to me in the future. But I just become more disrespect to him because of that reason. He also get a low income and unstable job that I feel insecure being hIs wife in the future. I want a family but without stable financial that makes me so worry.But i know he loves me so much and now trying to fix everything so we can still be together. He works hard and trying to get some new business now. What should I do? I want to be with him but I'm so worry about my future.
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cheated on me, immature, insecure, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): You have some very serious trust issues with this guy and of course he has proven that he cannot be trusted.
This relationship is doomed, and if you had to marry, well, the trust issues would be even worse.
Stop wasting your time with this guy.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (5 March 2013):
 One more thing I forgot to mention: his cheating on you and then telling lies about it are MAJOR red flags! You absolutely CAN NOT trust him!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 March 2013):
It seems to me you should be more worried about your future if you DO marry him.
H has quite a lot of bad qualities - immature, naïve, childish, doesn't have a good track record as far as work and earning a good wage goes.
Why ever would you want to marry a loser like him?? Unless, of course, you simply want to get married to someone.
If so, you should dump him and look to meet a man you can respect and love, and who in turn will respect and love you!
By the way, I wouldn't be so sure about your mom telling you he won't be abusive in the future because he's a "dumb guy." Being dumb doesn't necessarily mean he won't be abusive, you know!! So be warned!
No, if you want a happy life and in time, a good marriage, then he is not your man. No way!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 March 2013):
 But, are you sure you want to be with him ?-
.. Leave alone the trusts issues, which are no minor deal anyway because no relationship can survive without trust. The way you describe him, it does not sounds like you like him a lot : immature, childish, ignorant, dumb, not manly enough,...
You are right to be concerned , because without trust, respect ,and financial stability , it would probably be a very rocky life together anyway, but, my point is : are you sure you love him ? or you just want to get maried and he is the most immediately available candidate ?.. Is it love, or is it fear of loneliness and force of habit ?
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