A
male
age
30-35,
*ackinaw_Lament
writes:I've been seeing this one girl lately since for the last two months, and she and I have been having fun a lot of fun. We started off with coffee, and went toward sharing a pizza in the park, to getting movie tickets on Valentine's Day... and also getting tickets to a Live Entertainer (which was "an amazing night" for her). So far, I guess you could say we are just friends, but the kind of friends who are "dating friends," rather than a full relationship.She's also notorious for getting me to try new foods out of my normal food chain (which is an impossibility for anyone), and she's also said when I asked her if she wants to keep hanging out "I do like hanging out with you! this has been really fun so far..."So, just a few days ago, I invited her over to my parent's place, and I made lunch. We watched a few movies, and then she made dinner. My father hates just about any guest I bring over (even my normal friends), and he was impressed with her, and he Never Ever is impressed by anything!! My mother loved her company, and my sister though she was incredible. That being said, my family loves her!!! I know at some point or another, I want to take this up to the next level (not right now, but maybe a month or two later), but I've been hurt so horribly in the past, that I have a very sensitive, fragile heart. I want to ask her in about 2 months about dating, but the one of the biggest issues is I don't know if she's either Bisexual or a Lesbian. I know thought, FOR sure, that she is one of the two.To Conclude this, I'm struggling right now with a "Schrodinger's Cat" scenario, where I have the option to walk away, and never know if there is something there, or to open up, and have it all blow up on me if she is gay.So, should I walk away to avoid getting my feelings hurt, and risk hurting hers, or should I tell her, and risk getting my feelings hurt? Overall, I don't want to ruin a good thing, but I so badly, cannot express how much I need someone to make my life better (and she's making me a better person). So, what should I do?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 Well I think face to face is always the best option, so why not invite her to hang out or go out somewhere within the next week or so, and then tell her how you feel.
Waiting for 6 weeks is a bad idea, as you said she could easily meet someone else and have a long distance relationship with them. So tell her as soon as you can, but only when you are face to face - dont do it over the phone or over the internet.
A
male
reader, Mackinaw_Lament +, writes (9 March 2013):
Mackinaw_Lament is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, I did find out by just observing from a conversation she had with a friend that she IS IN FACT, Bisexual.I'm happy to find this out because now I know I may have a chance... but on the other hand, I'm also a little nervous to find out that she is ALSO bar hopping on Friday Nights.I know I have 6 weeks to wait before we both have a job on the island (Hense my username), and I was planning on ask her then. Then, based on feedback I have gotten here, I am trying to debate whether if I should say it now, wait until after a really fund date/hang out, or the island. I'm most likely going to lean toward waiting until we meet up again....The other issue being, I don't want her to find someone else before we go up to the island, and then she keeps them for long-distance (which I know that is possible).So, now what should I do?
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A
male
reader, shorty80  +, writes (5 March 2013):
Take the risk and open up to her, let her know how you feel, i have been down this road and i didnt take the risk and open up and it still hurts many years after, full and honest communication is key, if you do not ask you will not receive, let her know your true feelings and at least then you wont have any regrets, we only regret things that we didnt do, follow your heart.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 March 2013):
Either way you will be hurt - if you walk away from her you will always wonder 'what if' and it will hurt you wondering what could have been, and you will miss hanging out with her. Equally it will hurt if she turns out to be a lesbian, however I would suggest that a lesbian would not hang out with a guy so frequently, so there is a glimmer of hope.
The way I look at it - walking away has no positive outcome, you will miss hanging out with a girl you like and you will never know if she liked you. Even though telling her how you feel is risky, and you could get hurt, there is still a chance she could like you too.
Most good things in life involve risk, and yes it will suck if she is a lesbian or doesnt feel the same about you, but it is better to know one way or another.
Take the risk, and even if she doesnt like you in that way it sounds like you have a great friend to hang out with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): OP there will be no avoiding getting your feelings hurt if this doesn't happen. If you walk away you'll feel hurt and it will be the longest lasting type too because you'll have the 'not knowing' and that will stick in your head.
OP if she's interested or not, she knows now. So you have to make your move now. You can't continue to get this close to her for another two months without your feelings growing. Imagine how you'd feel about rejection now, and imagine it in 8 weeks with the possibility of being full on in love with her.
OP you have to make your move as soon as possible. Not only to save your feelings should it turn out she's not into you, but it's also the best chance of you being able to handle rejection better and still be able to remain friends with her.
Your best chance is now.
For the future OP, never befriend a woman you want to date. If you have a sensitive heart then you need to make it about romance from the start. That way you're both on the same page and that way if they're not interested you won't waste your time getting close to them.
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