A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my wonderful boyfriend for over 2 years now. He just asked me to marry him next spring and I said yes. So now we're engaged.Problem is, I have this 'guy' friend that I've known and been friends with about 6 years or so. My fiancee and him get along OK, I don't do anything alone with my 'guy friend' (I'll just call him XYZ) anymore since my fiancee and I started getting into a serious relationship, but we still do things every other month or so with XYZ and whomever he may be dating at the time. XYZ also invites us to party's at his apartment, and we invite him to my fiancee's house when we have BBQ's and get-togethers.My fiancee and I just started making out our initial guest list, he makes a good living, but we still don't want to have him take out a mortgage to pay for a wedding, so we're keeping it to about 150 guests or so. Problem is my fiancee asked if we are going to invite XYZ. I was a little non-responsive, so he put him on the 'maybe' list.Well, here it comes, I really like XYZ as a friend, and would love for him to see us on our happy day, but in the past (about 4 years ago), XYZ and I became FWB (friends with benefits, but the benefits were for him if you know what I mean). My fiancee has no clue about this, and I'm afraid that if XYZ shows up at the wedding, I don't think he would say something, but I'm sure there are other people who at minimum suspect that XYZ and I were a little more than just regular friends. Especially after drinking a lot, I'm afraid that someone will say something about XYZ and myself and that would ruin the whole special day.Do I just keep pushing XYZ off onto the 'maybe' list and in the end make sure he isn't invited?Do I let XYZ get invited, and cross my fingers and hope for the best?Or, Do I tell my fiancee about the 'little minor' past incidents (there were a few) with XYZ and myself and see where it goes, then let my fiancee decide if XYZ should be in our lives at all anymore?
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 October 2011):
I think the info about 'XYZ' is better left alone. You still hang out with him and being FWB was 4-years ago. That was a long time ago! I do think it is a little strange that you and your fiance hang out with him though...were they friends before?
It sounds like you and your fiance have a decent relationshp with him, I don't understand why it's a big deal to invite him? I highly doubt anyone would say anything, especially if they don't know for sure about your past and most of your friends probably don't even care. If it was something fresh...within the last year or so then I could see you being worried.
But it is you and your fiance's day...so only invite him if you two want him to go. If not, then oh well if his feelings are hurt, it's not his wedding.
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (6 October 2011):
 First of all, how would you feel if the situation was reversed? What if your fiance invited an old fwb and you found out about their fling sometime before the wedding? If you think you would be hurt, then either don't invite him or tell your fiance about your past with him and see how he feels about him coming.
Personally, I would have already told him that xyz and I were fwb. Him finding out later could damage the trust. He may get jealous or suspicious. I know you said you never do anything alone with xyz, but your fiance's mind could image ways you have met with him alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): you should've told your fiance in the beginning because if you tell him now he may feel like you let him befriend this man and accept him without knowing the full details of the two of you. But if you want you could tell your fiance budget wise you want to make sure you have enough space for family and people much closer and try to make sure the list is filled to not have space for him. Because your wedding day isn't a good day for secrets to surface. But you could take your chances and come clean say bay he was my friend for a long time this happened between us but it was only a couple times over this many years ago and we decided it was too weird because we were such good friends and we never discussed it or did it ever again. Just make it sound like it wasn't a big deal like you almost completely forgot it ever happened (but don't use the words i forgot.) hope i helped sorry for the long answer
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