A
female
age
41-50,
* lost lil soul
writes:Alright I have been on this off and on for a few weeks to see if anyone is going through something similiar and if I could get some info off of theirs. Found one or two, but not exact so im just going to go w/it. I broke up w/my boyfriend of 2 years about 3 weeks ago..it started about a year ago when we moved in together and his jealous ways kicked in. BIG TIME. He had all the passwords to everything so he could check on me at anytime...i didnt care because I dont cheat and had nothing to hide...so thinking nothing of it gave him all this info. Over time, he would so insecure and jealous that our sex life started dying down because I was finding myself always on the jury and hiding things like receipts just so i didnt have to argue w/his accusations. So i wasn't attracted to him like I was in the beginning because he was so up and down w/anger and screaming and lashing out and then in the next breath be apologetic and sweet. well we had finance issues and he wouldnt let me get a p/t job waitressing because he was afraid guys would hit on me and he would work extra..(never happened) so i went to school instead...he wasnt to thrilled bout that either but I didnt care. well one day i went home and saw this INSTANT MESSENGER up..and i work full time and go to school at night so i came home thinking im going to check my mail...well to my surprise i saw a single site up that he had been browsing...so went into history and he had deleted all his history files...so i went into the temp files thinking he wouldnt think to delete that...and i was right...Porn and women everywhere....he had been chatting, looking, browsing for months...(it showed the dates and times) every single night...and then when i would come home he would act like he had been sleeping on the couch all nite. Argh it angers me as im typing this...so it topped the cake and i left. I miss him...and it hurts me to think of him w/another woman...He had issues but dont we all...i dont trust him, feel like he is a dirty man...almost forty and addicted to video games and porn..i know i deserve better...i just wish i could get the visuals out of my brain. I went on the site he was one and see he is leaving comments to 25 year old girls and crap...i feel robbed,betrayed and just full blown angry. HELP!
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broke up, insecure, jealous, moved in, porn, sex life, video games Reply to this Question
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female
reader, La23  +, writes (17 December 2007):
Why do men (and some women i suppose) do this?! its like they think because its on the internet it doesn't count. as far im concerned... its in the same league as going out on dates with other women.
well done for actually leaving him! you have done the right thing and it is natural to feel angry and betrayed. But believe me you are stronger than a lot of people. i discovered my ex had registered for an online dating site when i was pregnant. i found out pretty early on (because i had secretly been checking his emails)from what i seen he hadn't contacted any women (probably because he hadn't had the chance to) i kicked up hell and no i didn't leave him. and guess what happened.. 6 months later he cheated on me. full blown affair.
at least you've had the courage to get out before somehting like that happened. because honestly it doesn't matter what you go through in your relationship, nothing prepares you for that.
your feeling angry just now i know. i was consumed with anger for a long time. i used to lie awake at nights for hours and hours thinking about all the lies he told me, thinking about him with her, and it made me ill.
you need to learn to let go. focus on yourself. try and remember what you were like before you met him. think about all the things he didn't like you doing (because of his jealousy) and get out there and do them.
i hope things get better soon
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): Its very hard to cope with, I myself have been married 15 years and I have just found out my husbands been having any internet affair with a lady from USA. I found out similar to yourself, I wasn,t intending to find out but like you had a quick browse and I was horrified to find lots of porn pics of her naked viewcam history it was devasting. But even worse was to come. When I aproached him and told him I knew he didn,t deny it instead he said he was in love with this woman and he wanted a divorce. That was in September 2007 now its December 2007 and I feel angry, hurt, stupid, insecure and lonely so I no how you feel. Its horrible but you will be ok. Men we cant live with them and we can,t liver without them but you better offf without a creep like him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Oh my goodness, i have to reply to this.
I was with myguy for 7 years.Sowe got a house and moved in together.
I got the internet and we had had it only a few months. I even said to him, if you goon any dodgy sites, tellme, but i prefer you dont.
Anyway, i went on holiday for a week with my sister, which he was all for, but when i got back i found out the following, yes, by snooping!!!
He had a myspace site, with no mentionof me, status single, chatting to models.
He was chatting to girls on chat
He became a member of a sex chat site
And had viewed porn,lots of it
and hunni, there will be mmore, and ill never know!!
I left him
Amonth or 2later i gave him a second chance (cus every1 deserves a 2nd chance right?)
Hepromised to makeit up to me
Did he?
NO
He worked more, 4got our 7 year anniversary ect ect
Dya no what girl, ive left for good!!! its been 3weeks now, and babes, it will never be the same, hes taken something away which can never be put back, those moments, minutes, hours on the net with other women in whatever shapeor form can not be taken back or replaced.
Be strong
Leave
And date other people, im not looking back, i deserve better, i deserve more,and so do you!
This isnt a dress rehearsal, weget 1 chance!!!!!live it, and ill be damnedif just 1 man, 1 human being can make methis unhappy, and takethat away from me.
Chin up girl
Followyour heart
Ifyou try again, i guarantee, youll lose yourfeelings
All the best
-x-
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A
female
reader, cristin343 +, writes (12 December 2007):
 i am going through the same thing. I loved him and i knew that he had serious issues and i had to move.
It is very hard to think about the happy times we shared and how much we 'loved ' each other, but you have to focus on why you left.
there were serious problems. You will meet someone else and a year from now you will be so happy for yourself. If you go back to him you will just waste more time and set yourself up for a bigger dissapointment down the road. You made the right choice, you just have to go out with the girls and keep busy.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Good for you! I'm sorry that you were disappointed in love but you did the right thing for your own self-esteem. I wouldn't second-guess yourself. You deserve to be with someone who loves you. If you let the images and the past embitter you, he still wins. Rise above it. Move forward. You have amazing strength! We are all behind you. Good Luck and Take Care.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Well, it sounds to me like you have done the right thing. Although you miss him I am sure you must be relieved to be away from him checking up on you and interrogating you. He betrayed your trust, and disrespected your relationship. It will take some time but I think that the information you stumbled across was the push that you needed to put an end to your unhappiness and start a new. It is ok to be angry you have every reason to be.Sometimes when we think about an ex moving on we tink about the very few good qualities that the new women will be enjoying about him. But what about all the bad things? The jealousy and insecurities, the finance issues the video games and last but not least the cheating. So if you look at it from that perspective you are the lucky one...Good luck with everything.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (11 December 2007):
 I think you had a lucky escape from this guy. Move on and find a man who trusts,loves and appreciates you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): Your much better off without someone who is controlling. It leads to other things down the road like spousal abuse. Why would you want to tip toe around the whole relationship.One of the things you realize when you are single, is who you are. A relationship is supposed to be an extension of yourself but also grow you as a person, through the supportiveness of your significant other. Doesn't sound like any of that is happening here.Move on. Plenty of better choices for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): Go girl! You have every right to be pretty pissed off with him! My man is about the same age and thinking he's getting old, worried about his appearance, mid life refletions on what he is missing out on! And he cheated earlier this year! I know exactly how you feel. For him to be so hypercrital about your movements and his suspicians is probably now something you are seeing as major decieptful and two faced behaviour! Like you, Search hi and low for info on what to do and what have I got myself invovled with. I thought he was a scummy dirty prick, sickened me, lowest of the low and couldn't beleive that I could love someone with these traits. My man started preening and I know although he has not admitted it, that he was looking and or playing with younger tarts for his own ego rush!.Cause you don't trust him, he doesn't deserve your trust at the moment. If he, now exposed, wants another go and you do, then the work is now to begin. Some people say that cheaters often are almost overly critical of this behaviour, behave overly jealous or suspicious of the innocent partner to defer the attention away from their secrets. That was probably what he was doing with all his checking up on you and trying to control you. Decide what you want to handle. He has problems and it won't be a quick fix. Do you want to invest further in the relationship and all the crappy stuff he has thrown into the mix. These are your decisions. Your visuals and anger along with all the other devastating emotions of betrayal are going to be with you for a while, but it will get easier and you will be able to handle things better with more time. You have just had a major shock. I focused too much on what was going on in my mans head rather than what I wanted now and who I want to be with. It's all about you now chook, I found this site enormously supportive and helpful. There are good people out there, we don't have to deal with shits! All the best and take care. xxx
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