A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend many many times, he always come after me and convinced me get back together. I tell him he don't listen to me and I want the space, but he don't leave me alone. Now he say he understand and can listen more, want to hear everything about what I feel now.But during the time of breakup I told all my friends and family about the problem so they actually can't stand him now.He phoned me yesterday and I was very upset about work situation. I was actually surprised, he was very good listener, very understanding. Before he called I was crying so much with grief but after I talked to him he calmed me down and made me laugh and I realised after that I felt good again. He said I was being natural for once, not with guard up like before. It was because I was so tired and to be honest I was grateful to talk to him.It makes me wonder about getting back together. He always want to but I don't want to do it again only to break up again. I wanna do the right thing for his sake, it isn't fair to go out with him unless it's for real. My family and friends would be amazed if I got back together with him. They saw I was very unhappy and they intervened to help me get away. We definitely have got a very strong connection and share a lot of thinking pattern which it's hard to find in someone else. In fact this was the first person we share the thinking like this. However the relationship was difficult because I was very confused about a lot of things in my life. So I told him I wanted to have children with him but then I thought it was too fast so I slowed it down and he didn't like that, and that's when the pressure started. From then he has been chasing me constantly and I told him he needs to give me space otherwise he's chasing me away.A lot of the problems come from old stories with me like family issue, friendship issues and rape. I want to get over them but yes I am fearful of committing to someone and when they wanna go too fast it terrifies me.However I cannot keep him waiting around forever. I told him to find someone else but he says now he's found me there will never be anyone else and as he don't want to be the monk, he will just wait.I saw something today, very lovely, a bird came very close to me and started moving closer. I got it on video and the only person who I know will really like this and see it same way I do is him. But I don't wanna confuse things. That's just an example.What do you think, please
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (21 March 2013):
 What do we think?Well, I think you'd do well to remain broken up with this man and cut off all further contact.Think about it: his track record in pretty bad. I mean, you tried many times to end it with him and he refused to take "NO" for an answer. To put it another way, he would not respect your wishes. He just wants what he wants - YOU - regardless of what YOU want.So he doesn't want anyone but you, and doesn't want to be a monk. Well, too bad - that's his choice and responsibilty, not yours. If you make it very clear to him once and for all that it's OVER, no going back, my bet is he'll soon abandon any ideas of being "monk-like"There's a word (two words actually) for his attitude: manipulative and selfish.He's not to be trusted. Don't go back to him, no matter how much he begs, whines, even threatens!
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