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female
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*othica
writes: I'm in a bit of trouble you see. I'm with one but secretly falling for another. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I have been very very sad and do not know what to do. Should I stay or should I go ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, pops +, writes (24 November 2005):
I normally get very angry at women like you, because I think you deserve to live alone, with neither person. But, its Thanksgiving Day here in the States so I will suggest a way for you to resolve your dilemna. You have given us no real information to help you understand your situation, and either agree or disagree with your assessments.
First, make a list of what is wrong with the current relationship. What were your expectations when you moved in with him? What were his expectations? What went wrong, and when did it go wrong? What is right about the current relationship( ie., what are you getting out of it?)
Now, ask yourself, if you end the current relationship and move out, and start a new relationship with the other guy( OG) what are your expectations of the new relationship? What will the OG get out of the new relatinship from you? What are his expectations( Talk to him)? Are you really going to be leaving a bad relationship, all things considered, and going to a better one, or not? YOu do not say if the OG is falling for you, and wants you. Do you even know?
I am strongly of the opinion that if a relationship does not work out, then move out, and find your own place. Be responsible for supporting yourself, even if it means you have to find a roommate to share an apartment( flat) with you. Take some time to get to like yourself again as a single person. Only then are you in a position to make a decision about starting a new relationship with another lover or possible husband, without dragging emotional baggage into the new relationship. And, moving in with the OG will be a matter of choice for you, and not a necessity. Then you should not feel " Like a prisoner in my own home."
If this doesn't help you clear the air, and find your direction, then by all means seek help from a counselor.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2005): Only you can answer that question, if the situation is causing you upset then you should take action, try wirting down the potitives and negatives of both relatinships, where you are now and where you want to be. this may bring a little clarity in your mind.You may want to consider that if you are faling for someone else, your present relationship may not be working...ask yourself why.You say you feel like a prisoner in your own home...this may suggest that you no longer enjoy the company of who you live with, try thinking about what you want and why - as i said, only you can find the answer....It seems that you are looking at one or the other as optins- what about neither- if this prospect seems scary then it maybe worth spending some time getting to know.and like yourself a little more.Good luck swetieKate
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reader, Angel-lee +, writes (24 November 2005):
Do not follow your heart, follow your head. The heart is a sensitive thing, you can sometimes feel like you really really like someone and then the feeling gets to much and you react to quickly. Think about what is right and what is wrong before you dive in head first, if you believe that the person your are falling for feels the same and that they are right for you and that the relationship you are already in isnt going anywhere then go for it but if its just a feeling of lust for some one and not the real deal, it really inst worth the hassle. Its o.k to fancy other people, its completely normal, if you didnt fancy anyone else apart from the person you are with then you definately arent human but thinking about it and acting on it is a completely different thing. Think it through before you make any sudden decisions.
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