A
female
age
,
*aryB
writes:I'm not sure what I am looking for here but, I need some kind of help with processing feelings I am having concerning my ex. My ex ended it with me 7 mths. ago after 7 yrs. together. He basically left me for someone else although, they did not get romantically involved until shortly after he dumped me. I have not contacted him since finding out about her. It's been a long hard road for the last 7 mths. trying my best to move on from all this pain and I am still having good days and bad. Lately, more bad than good!For the last mth. or so feelings of wanting to make him pay some how for what he has put me through are very strong. I am not normally a vengeful person. As a matter of fact I'm normally a very forgiving person-too forgiving especially, when it came to him. As I look back I honestly can say I never saw it coming. I can't seem to find an outlet knowing that here I sit alone and yes I do have friends and family in my life, but it isn't the same and he is just down the road from me with his new gf enjoying life and all that the holidays bring. Christmas time was a huge thing for us and now he is celebrating it with her without a thought of how he betrayed me and just walked away from the life that we had built. On top of all that I have a problem with the fact that although, I'm saving my dignity by severing all ties with him, I handed him over to her on a silver platter. I never gave her a fight- I just sat back and allowed her to walk off with the man I was engaged to marry. How can I move past these destructive feelings and be happy about life again. I am not looking to have a pity party here-it's just that these feelings are eating me up alive and I am lost as to what to do with them. Your insight would greatly be appreciated.
View related questions:
christmas, engaged, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 You didnt have a proper 'ending' with him and that's what you are fighting in your mind. If you do something physical or out of order with them then you may get yourself in to trouble so you mustnt go down that road. You've come this far and I'd say you've come a long way if it happened 7 months ago that he walked away. Christmas will bring back memories of the routine you had with him. I would suggest you carry on being strong and focus on your family. Change the way you usually do Christmas and that might evade the triggers of the Christmasses you spent with him in the past and make you sad. You can only come through this eventually with time. I have been through seperation and not wanted it but i looked for other outlets and focussed on my child and it was very hard. Someone once said 'you will get happier' and a few months down the line she was right. In the far future you may need to face him and simply ask 'why'. and maybe secretly hope that he made the biggest mistake in his life. Wouldnt that be good if you'd found someone else by then who was making y ou so happy. That would satisfy all your destructive feelings. Good Luck!
A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (16 December 2010):
 Its still early days isnt it? Just seven months down the line, after seven years together, youre bound to be going through a variety of emotions. I know its a cliche but time is the only remedy for you here.Its not the best time of year to be sat alone thinking about what youve lost but its inevitable that thats going to happen. You cant change that BUT you can do some things to minimise the pain youre going through.Try to fill your time up with friends and family - enjoy life without the ex for a change - it is possible you know!You know yourself that this irrational resentment and hatered isnt going to make a blind bit of difference to the situation and you need to keep telling yourself that very same thing over and over.You should resist, at all costs, any notion of you guys getting back together - youve been betrayed here and thats something that really cant ever be fixed.I may have been absolutely no help to you whatsoever here but I`ve been honest with you. Time will heal the wounds and you will emerge from this misery a far stronger and much more focussed person - trust me.Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, tonythetiger123 +, writes (16 December 2010):
Why are you hating yourself for something he did to you,, its a sign of character that you just let him go without a fight and that your not going to belittle yourself to be shallow and make him stay,, he wants out then he doesnt love you enough did he??? that your fault???? Holidays suck, holidays are lonely but dont be angry withsomeone that hasnt done right by you!! he doesnt deserve it,, love and hate are close emotions ad dont confuse the two,, Be strong and positive aout yourself,, thats what makes you, you..
...............................
|
