A
female
age
36-40,
*lackcatsz333
writes:I'm really nervous about having a threesome with my fiance because of past experiences. I've told him about my past and I told him that I was really nervous about doing it and he just said that we would only do one, but it still makes me nervous because I don't want the other person to interfere with our relationship and everything. What should I do??? Please help. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): You have to listen to your feelings, your thoughts, your beliefs and experience on this one. You seem to have a better understanding of relationships and the problems that can happen, more so then your bf.How a partner could push, force, convince there special someone to do something as such, tells me you will continue to have problems with him, for he is reckless in judgement.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 March 2008):
 It's obvious what you should do. Don't have it!You clearly don't want to, so don't. If your boyfriend is trying to force you to do something you don't want to then he doesn't care about you, and that's a big problem. And even more reason not to do something like this!You mention your past has something to do with this. Perhaps you had a threesome in the past and it was a big mistake? If thats whats going on, be doubly careful. Your boyfriend may be forcing this issue because his knowing you did this in the past is making him jealous and insecure. If that is what is going on (and its quite likely), then it's a REALLY BAD IDEA to have a threesome. All hell will break loose afterwards...One other thing, if you're having a hard time standing up to your boyfriend then you should think carefully about yourself. How is your self-esteem? How able are you to do what you want rather than only do what other people want you to do? If that's an issue, then you need to take further steps to help yourself out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): It sounds like he thinks he is the one who gets to decide wether you have a three-some? Nope, doesn't work like this.
While a common enough fantasy it is a difficult one to work into a relationship. Something tells me that most partners who fancy one never quit think that the third person is any threath to them.
Say you have a MFM, is your boyfriend prepared to watch you have the best sex of your life with another man who finally has a properly sized penis that reaches all your hidden spots?
Or for that matter in a FMF is he prepared to see that yes, a woman does indeed know best and find out that the two of you really don't need his 1 minute and poof penis?
Ego, you don't have nearly as much of it as you think. Only a couple that is really capable of dealing with such things should even consider it. Note that this is NOT about wether a relation is deep enough, part of love is a feeling of "MINE!" sharing your mate is decidely NOT the norm.
Also, just once? I am guessing here, but I suggest then that the couple combo is HIS fantasy, so shouldn't it at least be twice, to satisfy YOUR fantasy as well?
He may wish for two women in bed, but shouldn't he then also allow you to have two guys in the same bed? There is also something else to consider, say you invite your best friend to the bedroom, would that best friend then be allowed to have that favor returned with their partner. Say you invite a female friend to this threesome, is your guy then okay you go to this friends house at a later time to have a threesome with her and HER boyfriend?
Three-some and swinging can easily destroy a relationship, I would be very carefull entering into one, especially with someone who is behaving like your partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): At the moment so much of what it out there is about sex and how people should have what they want. You I think have been pressurized and bullied in the past? Your fiance is being a pig and he is bullying you. Would he like this threesome with another man or does he just want to put his dick in another woman and make it look legitimate by having you there?
This relationship is not in your interest. Someone who loved you would never want to share you and risk what you have. If he can't see that this is risking your relationship he is stupid. The fact that he is happy to gamble with it shows that he does not have much fear of losing the relationship or much true care for you.
What I see around me is people thinking that having sex is nothing, that women are there for men. I don't see women who are acheiving great things much in the papers or on tv, unless they project their image sexually that is. Can you remember a time when the female kind was celebrated for being clever and brilliant people?
YOu have responsibility to object in the stongest possible terms. Instead you are meekly falling into the role that is out there for you which exploits people, makes women feel they have to primarily be sexual performers, compete with each other and it breeds a feeling of worthliness.
You are a unique and amazing individual. You have a role to play in this life and can have an amazing time living it. You can, if you stop thinking of yourself as a handmaiden to the desires of men and instead as a separate person who is fabulous and worth enormous love, respect and admiration.
Why on earth would you even contemplate watching your boyfriend have sex with another and doing it yourself when you don't even want to. How could you consider this abhorrance. It is abhorrant because you don't want to do it but you still might, just to appease your fiance who is a worm. This is allowing yourself to be abused in the most base and sad way, allowing yourself to take on enormous pain for someone elses shallow and disgusting behaviour. Please think again. If it were me he would be history, dumped on the tip of worthless scum that he belongs to.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (13 March 2008):
In any relationship a person always has the right to set their own limits. The other person in that relationship does NOT have the right to insist that you go past your limits. To do so is a form of abuse.
You sound like you want to set your limits to be just you and he in the relationship and not to have this threesome. Well that is okay and he does not have the right to ask or insist that you go beyond it.
If he continues to push for this then maybe you need to reconsider this relationship and whether it is meeting your needs. While having a threesome is a common fantasy, for most - it is just that a fantasy and remains where it belongs - in their heads.
There are plenty of guys out there who would love to have a partner like you and who would respect the limits you are comfortable with. It can just take some time to find them but the result is worth it.
You are a person with feelings, likes, dislikes, a past with some mistakes and some successes, just like everyone else. And also like everyone else you deserve happiness. And so does he. But if his happiness goes beyond your limits, then he needs to be with someone else and so do you.
One thing is absolutely certain, if you have this threesome, your relationship will never be the same again.
My advice to you. Tell him that you do not like the idea so much that if he continues to insist then you feel you should break up as it is not something you want in a relationship. If he throws anything from the past in as an argument, then just tell him that because of that you know you do not want to do this and if he loves you he will not expect you to do this.
If you do not have the threesome, the worst that can happen is that you two break up. That will leave you free for some guy who does respect your limits and who just loves you for you. If you do have the threesome the worst that can happen is that you break up and are an emotional wreck because you have gone beyond your own limits and it still did not work. You will feel bad about yourself in all sorts of ways and possibly would have difficulty trusting guys again. That is a high price to pay.
If you feel you need some support in whatever you decide then message me and I will be glad to help.
All the best.
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