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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I had a creepy experience with my first boyfriend at 15 ["he" was actually a very convincing 'transgender', to use the word that was used, I had no idea until I was told. ICK!] It left me confused and off relationships for a while, but now after a few minor ones, I'm with a guy I care for a great deal. Now the problem: I'm still a virgin, and due to the general anxiety and still being freaked out by that first bad experience with a "boyfriend", I'm very nervous about having sex with my current guy. And I mean getting so nervous about not getting aroused, etc, that I actually prevent it from happening. Any tips on letting a bad issue go and relaxing enough to avoid ruining a good thing?PS, I have Obsessive-Compulsive disorder, but until this particular issue came up it's never been more than a minor annoyance.
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female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (26 July 2008):
 You should talk to your boyfriend about your experience. Tell him that because of this you're afraid on having a physical relationship with him.
Hopefully he will try and help you out. Ask him to make you feel more secure and loved. Ask him to be truthful with you and to never fool you. You have to tell him that you would like for this problem to be resolved.
This will probably take a while so ask him to take things slow. Again, hopefully he will understand and help you out on this.
Good luck and hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): I think you should confide in your man first. If you are not comfortable to do so, you might not be ready yet. I think if he understands your dilemma he will respect you and take things slowly.... Maybe start having non-penetrative sex first until you are ready for the rest.
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