A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I've been with this girl for 3 years now. We have a child together. I love her dearly and want to marry her. She does everything for me. She let's me want for nothing. We have the same religious background which is wonderful (first girl I've ever met who shares my religion and I'm completely attracted to). She is the most beautiful person I know ( a kim kardashian look alike on the outside, but morally correct on the inside). I've never experienced love like this. But I think I've lost her. She did some things in her past that I don't like and I can't seem to let them go. I nag her over and over about it and when she finally decides to tell me, I flip and call her whore, slut, and tell her I should have never gotten involved with her. I throw things and even pushed her once. She cries and hurts but always forgives me. Her patience with me is quite amazing. This has been a problem since the beginning. I cant seem to let it go. I always thought id marry a virgin even though ive been quite promiscuous myself in the past. I know shes changed from her former self. She is never unaccounted for. She always has my back. For 3 years ive put her through this. Last night we talked again about her past on my nagging and i did it again! I called her names, told her i was gona cheat, and threw her chair. But whats different is she sat calmly and said nothing and today she hasnt called me. Normally she cries and begs me to forgive her for her past(which has nothing to do with me.) she did none of that today. I think shes fed up. I think this was the last straw. I told her i was done with her and she said ok!! But im not really done. I wanted to hurt her but i think i went too far. I told her no one will ever want her bc shes used up. What have i done? Her eyes welled up but she remained strong. Shes the perfect person. She may not have a perfect past but she loves me with all her heart. She has taken great care of our son for a year and a half while i would be out til midnight drinking and partying. I cheated and she forgave me. And she wanted to marry me. She told my aunt that surprisingly she was ok and shes hurt by my words but thinks she cant do it anymore. Have i lost her? Im used to her jumping back into my arms bc she loves me so much. What can i do now? I cant stand the thought of her moving on and with her personality and looks, it wont take long. Help!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): i am doing the same thing for the last five months with my wife.we registry married on february this year.she had a boyfriend for two years.she broke up with him after he couldn't tell her by himself that he would surely marry her when she asked him.he asked his mother instead.still she went to him again thinking that he might make his uncle agree to this proposal so that he could talk to his parents.there again she was deceived.there was no uncle!she was forced to spent the night in the same room with that boy despite her objection.but i knew of this little fact on may this year.before that when i inquired she told me bluntly that she spent the night with another girl in the community centre where the marriage ceremony of the boys cousin was being held.if nothing happened then why she told me the lie?when her bf couldnt give a satisfactory explanation why he brought her there she came back to me.i am her family friend and also gave her tuition since she is in the same college from where i have passed.she asked me if i love her enough and if i can marry her?i said yes and anytime.but i knew her for one month only.i had a past to i fell in love with my class mate and it was a love triangle where i made the path to win a girls heart to my close friend since that girl was also my close friend.but eventually i lost control,felt jealous and tried to win her back.my friend told that girl that im a playboy n im playing with her.in the end she didnt believe me.i tried to commit suicide but i survived.after a yr i met with my wife.at that time i didnt know she had a boyfriend.so when i found out i was quite shocked.the day she disclosed this piece of information,she also told me that her parents dont want her marry that boy.so what she should do?i was dumbstruck.i told her its her life she should do what she thinks right.n the next day she went to that boy told him that she would break up.when that boy started crying she told him to marry her then if he has the guts.he had not.he had the guts to kiss her,cuddle her but not marry her.still she gave him a second chance.she went again to know his uncles decision.when he again failed himself.she came back to me.i married her two months after her break up.three weeks after marriage i casually asked her i married cause i dont want to lose you why you married me...she said,'i was afraid if i change my mind' i was astonished n puzzled.i couldnt answer it right then.it became an ugly fight after a few days.she told me she would have never left that boy if her parents didnt insist n that he was good but i was better,that boys can marry someone in one months relationship as do girls.i was dumbstruck still i thought that i shouldnt talk about it ever.but after three months i raised the topic n then he told me about all this stuff.n i freaked out.i was crying heavyliy.i requested her one thing before our marriage.never lie to me.she promised.n she broke it.i promised her i would always try to make her happy.but i broke my promise too.i am causing her so much pain.its a mistake.small mistake.a simple lie.yet since im egotistic i cant forgive her.in the way ive hurt her tremendously n now she cant forgive me.so love has left me.i ve become a monster.i was a monster before that too.i only hoped that some sweet cute good natured girl will rescue me from my unholiness.she is all that but she is not a goddess.she is a human being.a very good one.but im not.n i know i wont change that easily.perhaps its time to let her go.she dont deserve this.she was just 17 when she fell in love with that boy.just cause when i was 17 i couldnt kiss my the then gf cause i was not sure whether i love her that much or not does not mean she cant do that.she need not give me an excuse why she did it.but im nagging n have made her life a complete hell.already precious 10 months of her life is gone with me.i dont want to hurt her any more.i must leave her in peace.but can i forget her.the answer is no.so what should i do?where should i go?should i commit suicide?but again that will make her think that she did not try to understand me enough..i really dont know what to do.
A
male
reader, changeme  +, writes (13 October 2010):
hey look man i am a ex drug addict and i have done much worse things to women i should be in jail i am currently with an angel and we are it looks like dead in the water because of my rage anger violence controlling shithead lost insecure childish emotionless heartless way of paranoid thinking. i will be alone the rest of my life if i don't get it together. i am back on drugs an so is she but only because of me and it makes me sick but the only time we can talk to each other is when we are high. but the other morning even the lovely drug fueled what is usually complete calm and talking which leads to most beautiful love making know to woman ended in violence. never punching slapping hitting kicking more throwing squeezing overpowering scumbag behavior. i could try convince you she cheated and does all the time i am so paranoid i don't know which is mental because i have intuition coming out my pours when it comes to well somethings. i said i was sober i am not getting into the worst of all now and its getting close to no return. i know what has to be done and i know you know what has to be done. be a man except women are the stronger of the two not physically obviously but emotionally mentally sexually...... give in. don't become bitch. i went wrong thinking at a very young age they out to rip us off to get one up on us to control us. they just want to have fun just like us and it is disrespectful to accuse another man of fxxxxxg your woman. not to him but to her. i learned it the hard way because now i don't deserve my freedom never mind my woman but from being humiliated for being the nicest bf in the world doing everything for a girl being nice listening spoiling loving and treating like a princess but really like a thick in her eyes i became the little ..... that she was to me i changed from good to bad. i failed at being a man at 18 and haven't got it back since. i have been searching the web in bits for the first time in years because i saw my self in another human being and it has changed me instantly and sharing this will hopefully make anyone who needs it see through jealousy lies deceit deception insecurity pain loss hate grief and see the woman the beautiful woman that is probably standing metaphorically speaking in front of your face and has been how ever long you have been together but you have been too blind or caught up in your own addiction or work or life soul destroying stress what ever it is and if you cause your woman stress walk away before you lose her for good if you both still want each other after wa ever it is you me i better fxxxxxg grow up and deal with it be a man and if it is too late make it up the another amazing woman but i will fight for this one because this one is so so special so clever beautiful with a talent and a love every man in the world would kill and die for. reply call me scum help me ask questions help me change i will help you if i can. excuse the lack of punctuation there is a poet in us all.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 A 12 year old bride will be perfect for you. She is pure, virgin, and too young to judge you. She will let you abuse her because she can't tell what's right or wrong. Worry that's illegal? Well in some countries it is legal. If every girl in the US is a slut, you need to pack up and move.
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (28 February 2010):
 I know this is old, but did anyone catch the fact, this is presented sneaky, and in back fasion! I believe this was the girlfriend, posting as though she were her boyfriend, and seeing it from his unsympathetic point of view? just my opinion man!!
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (22 January 2010):
 YYYYYEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
YOU LOST HER!
i hope to god you do not act like this anymore.
Maybe one dayi will meet this kim kardashian look alike and show her what a real man is.
I can only pray.
Until then.
Seriously learn from your mistakes. CHANGE WHO YOU ARE.
Be a good guy.
It doesn't mean be spineless, it means don't be so nagging, over-bearing, and abusive to the point where you drive women to INSANITY.
Women every day, every minute are driven INSANE literally. I worked at a shelter. YOU caused this.
I sincerely wish you do some deep self reflections.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): I only read ur qoute, u should let her go cause u don't deserve her because if u do it once ull do it twice, love her enough to let her go and not be abused by ur ungreatful ass
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (19 September 2008):
 You have issues and problem and you need to get help. How dare you put your insecurities on her? Putting her down and make her feel like crap. Maybe inside you don't feel worthy of having her, so you have to put her down to make sure she never leaves you. Well, guess what? You're right. You don't deserve her. What you did is worse than any physical abuse. You mentally and verbally abuse her and the damage will be lasting. Go get some serious help and don't do it to your next girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): With all respect to women, I can relate to the OP here to the extent of losing control due to her past. Im not talking hitting or anything like that, but emotional and mental abuse.
Look, you need to man up and either accept the women for being experienced, or you need to get out and find someone closer to your own background.
Truth it, its never easy to accept someone secrets, someones past, and someones problems. But in joining a relationship thats what its about. Its good to vent your frustration with your partner, to disclose your problems and your feelings, but that is different than degrading someone.
What you are doing is not only destructive to her, but to yourself. Dont you realize that you are destroying your own future here, that you are creating a world of problems for your self.
All your hurt and all your anger will not go away no matter how loud you scream at her, no matter how vile you make her feel, no matter how long or how many times it continues to happen. She cant take your pain away, she cant make you stop hurting. She is not what makes you hurt, and she is not what causes you pain... Its you that is causing these problems.
YOur girl loves you, your child loves you, why cant you love you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): You are absolutely disgusting. The smartest thing your girlfriend has done in this relationship is leave the pathetic excuse for life that you are. I'm surprised she didn't do it sooner. How dare you think that you can get away with treating any woman that way, regardless of her past and background.
Get used to being alone, because with YOUR sick personality, no one's going to put up with your b.s. ever again.
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A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x  +, writes (19 September 2008):
 If she's got any sense, then she's already out of state, with your son. People like you don't deserve relationships, or kids. You make me sick.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (19 September 2008):
 Oh my God where do I start?
You young man sounds like an egotistical, nasty, hypocritical bully!
How dare you judge her of what ever past relationship she had before you and call her vile names. What gives you the right to sit in judgement?
You cheat on her, you undermine her, you bully the poor girl so much, I not surprised she is fed up with you. You are stripping your lovely girlfriend every ounce of self worth she has.
I only hope she gets the courage to leave you and find a REAL MAN WITH MORALS AND RESPECT!!!
I tell you what if you ever treated me like that, I would make sure every single woman who lives in the town know what DISPICABLE VILE CREATURE YOU REALLY ARE!!!
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A
male
reader, zelgamer +, writes (19 September 2008):
 I feel bad for her. If you end up losing her, I hope you've learned a lesson. No one should ever be treated like that. You may have not hit her but you have for the past 3 years mentally abused her.
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A
male
reader, Fluxual +, writes (19 September 2008):
I agree completely with Tellulah. I hope you have pushed your girlfriend too far this time because it's quite clear she is better than you, and you know it. For you to say no-one else will want her is untrue, but you no that too don't you.
To quash a girls confidence is sadistic and you've done it to gain a strangle hold on her. If you love her (which seems doubtfull - you wouldn't treat someone you love like this) then let her go. Just because your destined for a life full of bitterness and misery doesn't mean she has to be.
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A
male
reader, Fluxual +, writes (19 September 2008):
I agree completely with Tellulah. I hope you have pushed your girlfriend too far this time because it's quite clear she is better than you, and you know it. For you to say no-one else will want her is untrue, but you no that too don't you.
To quash a girls confidence is sadistic and you've done it to gain a strangle hold on her. If you love her (which seems doubtfull - you wouldn't treat someone you love like this) then let her go. Just because your destined for a life full of bitterness and misery doesn't mean she has to be.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (19 September 2008):
 I certainly hope that it is to late for you. She sounds like a caring and wonderfull person, and deserves a lot beter than you (but you already know that) If you really love her, then let he go. Dont make her any more promises because you clearly cannot keep them. I truly believe that if she forgave you again, you would do exactlly the same thing.
I hope this will be a valuable lesson to you, and you will never treat another person like that again.
It makes me so bloody angry when people hide behind religion. Who are you to hold the moral high ground over her anyway? its you that has been acting like your Possessed, not her. Why is it that if you mention that your religious, you feel it gives you the right to treat a lady like dirt, just because you were not the first person to sleep with her.
Does that make you a better person???? Read your question back "I THINK NOT"
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (19 September 2008):
"I wanted to hurt her but i think i went too far"- there is never a time where hurting someone, especially the gf you claim to lvoe is ok. It is NEVER ok. There isnt a point of hurting her at which you 'go to far'- its always 'to far' and wrong.
You said shes the perfect person. In my opinion, you feel shes perfect because she puts up with all your abuse. You dont want a gf, a true love, or a wife, you want someone who will succumb to your power and abuse. You want someone who will claim there undying love for you despite what you do and you want somoene who will beg for you, to make YOU feel good despite what you did to her. If you truly wanted a gf, someone to love you and who you love, you woudlnt do what you are doing.
You KNOW its wrong, but you are still doing it.
If you want your bf back then you need to take a break from her (quite a while i think) and deal with yourself. Go see a counsellor and talk about why you are abusive. Were you ever abused? My guess is either you were abused and/or you suffer from deep inseucirities and inferior issues as this is common in abusers. You need to heal yourself before you can ever have another gf or get your ex gf back.
You must realise that it takes a long time to deal with any issues you may have, just as it will probably take years if not more for your ex gf to deal with all you put her through!
Once you have dealt with your issues, then, only then should you consider going bac kwith your ex.
Please take a look at this website if you truly want to change: http://www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/abuser.htm
The question is, do you want to change? Or do you just want your victim back so you can abuse her again? If you are serious then you will seek professional help.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (19 September 2008):
 Hi Love
This is a very spoken about subject, The man gets to fool around before settling down and the woman is supposed to remain untouched for this knight in shining Armour to come along and sweep her off her virgin feet!!!!!WELCOME TO THE 21 CENTURY! You have punished your as you say beautiful g/f by pushing her making her cry insulting her calling her names and now she has had enough and thats apart from forgiving you for cheating on her..She shares your religious beliefs ( Id like to no what god decides this punishment) she is the image of kim kardashian who is obviously in your eyes not morally corect on the inside but good enough to look at.
Hunny you need serious help, Your g/f is not a slut a whore or anything like this yes she had partners before you big deal! But she stayed with you with all this abuse because she loved you she stayed after you cheated because she loved you..You think you have a right to cheat then call her a whore PLEASE TELL ME THAT MAKES NO SENSE TO YOU!
I was with a man who brought me down over and over again and the best thing I ever did was leave as it was obvious he wasnt going to change...To be loved is a special gift and one we should not take for granted going back is not living, They call today the Present, It is so called as it is a gift, You need to see someone about all these issues hunny as you will never get on with life with these hang ups and your abusive nature towards them. I belive the inside of a person is were the beauty lies and from what you have said about your g/f she is truely beautiful..TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): Morally correct????..Religious?? In love with this woman????... Don't make me laugh.. You've tortured, abused and hurt her for 3years, you didn't even care that you was doing this to the mother of your child. For you I have no advice, you are a sadist monster and you just want to get her back so you can hurt her again. But for that dear lovely woman and mother, I hope she runs far away from you and never comes back. Go and seek some professional mental help before you hurt somebody else as badly as you've hurt and abused her. You are a selfish, sick individual and you need help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): You are an insecure fool and have been mentally abusing her. You have serious hang ups and do not deserve to keep this woman.
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A
female
reader, Tremor +, writes (19 September 2008):
 ...I really don't know where to start.
It's hard to understand why you think you have any chances left with this woman. You supposedly love her dearly, and yet you belittle her, abuse her, and cheat on her.
What gives you the right to flip out over her past when you have said yourself that your own is far from perfect? You call her a whore when you are the one who cheated? And she loves you enough to stay with you after you do these things - and then you just go and do it AGAIN?
Funny way of showing your love, mate. I'd hate to think how you'd treat a person you did't like.
Honestly, I'd be fed up too, and I can't blame her wanting yo leave you. Turn the tables for a second and think about it. You're with someone who supposedly loves you, and yet takes every opportunity to bring you down - what's the sensible course of action?
It sounds like you need some help. Perhaps try and seek out a counsellor, who will help you not to dwell on her past, and get past some of your apparent anger issues. And if this girl leaves you, consider it a lesson, and learn from your mistakes.
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