A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Yesterday I slept with a guy I've been seeing for the first time. We were almost naked when I asked if he had a condom - I'm 33 and he's 27 - he said he doesn't ever use them. I demanded he out his clothes back on and we go buy some because there was no way in hell I wasn't using one - especially with a guy who just confessed he never does. He didn't know what kind to buy - he didn't even know how to put one on. I said to him "don't you worry ?" He said "no I don't think about it it's fine" I noticed on his Facebook and Instagram he follows a lot of women - maybe 90 percent. He doesn't follow any meme pages or anything of personal interest. Just lots of local women. He is absolutely gorgeous but the vibes I'm getting are just "player" I feel annoyed with myself because I feel like I've fallen for him and like a silly teenager I feel sick to my stomach with anxiety knowing it's going to end badly. I could never be with someone who never used condoms - if he cheats then it's a huge risk when he is already a huge risk. I need to end it. I keep thinking in my head maybe he'll commit to me but then I think he's online at all hours and he's not talking to me. Fair enough we haven't been seeing each other long but I suspect this is just what he's like.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2020): A 16yo who impulsively has sex without condoms? That is an immature boy.
A great-looking sex-obsessed 27yo who has never used condoms in his life? That is not a maturity problem. That's a totally irresponsible grown man.
BTW, the only "mature" response to this guy was to not have sex with him. Not once. A crooked used car dealer doesn't give a crap how much a customer complains if they already bought the car. And sexy players don't give a crap how much you diss them as long as they get into your pants. They DO NOT CARE if you end up frustrated at them, as long as they got to sleep with you first.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2020): I’ve been in this situation before OP. I bet at the beginning he told you everything you wanted to hear and more. Told you how amazing you are and you are everything he ever wanted and how much he likes you and wants to be with you. Yeah - typical signs of a player. They go all in at the beginning to get what they want from you and the get bored once they have had it. In my experience the more they love bomb you in the beginning the more of a player they are. They know exactly how to get you to fall for them to get what they want. It worked too. You fell for his crap and for him. Just as I did. But it’s not him you have fallen for - it’s the crap he told you, promised you, made you believe. The man you thought he was doesn’t exist - it’s a persona he’s created to get you hooked. But it’s not all his fault. Just like me you were stupid enough to fall for it. Maybe out of inexperience with these type of men? Now you know what to avoid. Not to invest Too much in someone so soon. Keep your emotions in check. Look for red flags and not ignore them.Lesson learnt!!Secondly, he is clearly is not mature enough for you OP. The guy that played me also happened to be 6 years younger than me. Men this age just want to live their lives and have fun. Have sex with as many women as they can before they are ready to settle down. Age gaps can work if you are at the same maturity levels but will be a disaster if your not. I know you can get mature young men and immature older men. But at least most older men know they need to wear a condom. Young people seem to think they are invincible. This stunt clearly works on younger females as he has never had to wear one. But you are not a young female. You are a mature woman who made him wear one. That thought scares me to be honest. He will learn his lesson the hard way. Your better off ditching this guy and find someone who matches your maturity levels and wants the same things out of life. This guy clearly isn’t it and the longer you carry it on the more heartbreak you will suffer. I find the fact he thinks it’s acceptable to not wear a condom disgusting. I would of already ditched him if I were you. Also get an STI test
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A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (7 December 2020):
 I'm pretty shocked in the modern world we live in that someone can and is so reckless. There's STD's not to mention getting knocked-up if you aren't on any contraceptives.I would say that in the modern era woman are a lot more on the ball and protection shouldn't always be the male emphasis to bring up. Like you did you can ask your partner to put one on, even you could carry some.So did you have protected sex with him or unprotected sex? Also being gorgeous or not shouldn't be the only measure you use to decide if someone is worth sleeping with.You weren't upset until you saw all the girls and then thought he was a player, you weren't upset before when he said I don't use condoms?It doesn't sound like love to me, it sounds like you are lusting after him because he's hot.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2020): Yesterday,or recently you slept with him for the first time!I seriously suspect that this is already over.He doesn't like condoms and you insisted he wear one.You even had to show him how to put one on.This is a complete no go.It mustve been a crushing blow to his ego that you disrupted the act in order to seek protection which he is unfamiliar with.My take on this is that he has already moved on.You now need to think of your future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2020): So...his being good-looking overrides that he's stupid and reckless?
You've gone online, and now you've discovered he's a lady-chaser...plus he doesn't use condoms! Probably has kids he doesn't acknowledge, and has been treated for STDs numerous times. Not to mention infecting women with yeast infections, chlamydia, and who knows what else? Probably never has been tested; so what you don't know will hurt you!
Being upset with yourself isn't the problem. It's the fact that you went-on to have sex with him knowing this guy never used a condom before, and he could be a walking petri dish!!! He probably has a bunch of undisclosed baby-mamas as well!
Fuggedabout being upset! Dump that man-ho...AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 December 2020):
 Never under-estimate the power of lust - which is exactly what you are feeling. It's a very strong emotion but you need to realize it is not something on which to build a long-term relationship.
He's very attractive (and probably knows it) so he can get sex without needing to use a condom. That is very irresponsible. He is not only sleeping with the females he chooses but also with all their previous partners (because if they are happy to have unprotected sex with him, the likelihood is that they have also been happy to do it with past partners).
Weigh up the pros and cons of this dalliance.
PRO:
- you have an attractive sexual partner.
CON
- you have someone who takes no responsibility for his own or his partners' (yes, plural!) sexual safety,
- someone who offers you nothing but sex,
- someone who is in contact with lots of other women (if he is that attractive to you, it is fair to assume he is that attractive to others too).
I could probably add a few more points to the CON list but I think you get the gist but still, here you are, bedding this attractive irresponsible young guy. You are an adult. You can make your own choices in life. What you have to remember is that for every choice you make there is a "pay off". The price for this entanglement is quite probably going to be heartache. Hopefully that is ALL he will leave you with.
The choice is yours. Is he worth the risk?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2020): You are making excuses for him. Jumping into bed with a guy who is clearly a player and just using you for sex was dumb. But when you saw he was eager to do this without a condom you should have thrown him out - not get dressed, discuss it and dictate he needs a condom, as if you are his mother and he is a dim witted little boy (which he is ).Mind you there are players and players. He is a wannabee player... he drools at women, he lusts after them, he thinks about them and wanks over them but I am sure that 99% of women steer clear of him, most of it - with him - is all a fantasy - because as soon as a bright woman picks up that he is not at all mature, not interested in her as a person, or her welfare, and has no personality or brains, he gets nowhere with him. Perhaps you could turn on some common sense and see what they all saw and learn to be more sensible and mature yourself.I also wonder how you can jump up and chat and go off to get condoms when you are supposedly in the throes of passion!Either you are desperate for sex and only value looks - not valuing the things that really matter... or you desperately need more sense.You are wanting a new relationship - players never commit to that - or they pretend to until something more exciting comes along or lie to you while they sneak off.But you chose one of the most stupid selfish ones too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2020):
 So did you have unprotected sex with him too?
Even if he HAD brought a condom you are not 100% safe from STD's. But the likelihood of getting pregnant or an STD is a LOT LOT lower if using a condom.
Also, you COULD buy some to have at your place to USE with a partner you KNOW well enough to know his size.
You are infatuated with this guy cause he is hot. It happens, but HOPEFULLY his lack of care, common sense when it comes to BEING safe during sex.
THAT is not the kind of guy you want to INVEST in emotionally. Or physically through intimacy.
YOU know better.
Start thinking and using common sense. A guy who doesn't give a a SINGLE F about making sure YOU are safe (sexually) and HE is safe (sexually) by buying and carrying condoms IS not mature enough FOR SEX, let alone a relationship.
Pay a little bit more attention, honey. If a guy has a LOT of females on his social media he is LIKELY the kind who sleeps with a LOT of them, ESCPECIALLY if he is hot.
Stop making excuses for him. He showed his true colors, pay attention or it's on you if you get knocked up, get a STD that you might have to deal with the REST of your life or your feelings hurt WHEN he cheats.
Come on....
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