A
male
age
36-40,
*ay2012
writes:hi, been dating a married woman for a month, but chatted for few years before meeting, know everything about each other, even her husband her family and her husbands family kept hassling her and asking about me (because they keep seeing me commenting her fb and tagging her in things, we were just freinds at the time during couple years) she said we just freinds. HER HUSBAND lives overseas , she hasnt seen him in 5 years !! anyway, we met for first time a month ago, we hit it off straight away amazing connection and chemistry like we both knew from the start... a spiritual connection. anyway we met 3 or 4 times just on casual dates, kissed but nothing more no sex. we finally made some proper plans to spend quality time togather to go away for 2 or 3 days but 3 days ago she just suddenly put a breaks on the trip, said she may not be able to make it because her freind has some issues she needs to be there for her freind, long story short, since the last 3 days she has been distant, not talking and hardly replying, BUTTTT when she does reply, she keeps saying she misses me and will explain everything when we meet, but its almomst as if she seems so pre occupied and so busy she cant even pick up the phone, i tried call only twice in the last 3 days... sent 1 txt noreply, sent a wastap msg lastnight saying ''nw take ur time no rush missing you too' , she only JUST sAw that watsap msg today, 24 hours later she opened it. but she hasnt responded...What should i do? do you think she is backing off due to her miarriage and its getting way to deep with me and her now and she is checking herself haha or she genuinly dont want me anymore? i doubt that because how can we go from where we were to suddenly stopping? cant just turn off feelings like that...im just stumped, obvoiusly the marriage is the hurdle here , do you think she has multiple toy boys like me on the side? i have asked diff people for numerous advice, most people say give it time might be due to marriage and she is getting cold feedsome other people say she is narccisist and may have multiple boys she plays with in this city, anyway lmk what u guys truly think... I mean if we truly care and love someone we would respond and want to see them right???we both say we miss eacother, make plans all the time and always talk now she has gone dark on me.... thoughts?Cheers
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (17 December 2020):
 Her marriage isn't the hurdle. The marriage existed long before you entered the picture.
I don't know if I would believe that her husband is away for 5 years. I don't know any married people that would be perfectly happy, existing, separately, that way. Are you sure that she has told you the truth about that? Seems a bit odd to me.
Honestly, no one here can tell you for sure what the issue is. She could very well be dealing with a lot and need the space. She could be using you. She could be lying about the state of her marriage. She could be this. She could be that. We cannot say for sure, because, we don't know.
My question is, regardless of what is going on, do you feel comfortable being in the position that you're in? A side dude. Just waiting on the sidelines for a text back and some sort of communication and recognition. Something that will tell you that you mean more to her than you feel you do. I don't know. This is what you've chosen so you should get use to the way that things are. You're being picked up and dropped off with not so much as a moment's notice. Not to mention that you're basically a home wrecker. Regardless of the state of her marriage, it isn't your place to enter into the equation and hit it off with someone who is taken. If she cared that much, she would have waited until she could avail herself, fully, to you. If you thought more of yourself and the impact that you have on the world and it's inhabitants, you would not go after someone that is married. You could negatively affect the lives of multiple people BUT your main question shows concern only for yourself. To put it bluntly, you're quite selfish OP. She doesn't seem like a catch either.
Honestly, if I were you, I would cut my losses now and hope that Karma will be kind when dealing with me after this. You do have choices you know. Besides the one that keeps you sitting around, waiting to be acknowledged and loved. Waiting to be thrown a bone. Learn to love yourself more so that you're able to better love the next person, preferably, somebody who is single and available.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2020): Got no sympathy for you. Only a very selfish person wants to go with married people with no thought to their relationship or their partner. You need to grow up and get a life, not try to borrow another man's life and then wonder why it goes wrong. It sounds as if you are immature and just after sex anyway, so pay a prostitute for it. Why would this married woman sleep with you so that you can save as bundle of money on paying another woman?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 December 2020):
 Um, female anon...
He didn't mention in the first one that she was married so the answers are actually a little different, it's an important detail, and yes, I think we all saw it was the same poster...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2020): You just posted about the same thing and got some excellent advice. Now one day later, you're posting again only no-one seems to have recognised the fact that they've already answered you.If you are this obsessive then maybe she's got this impression of you and is backing away. Did you think you'd get different advice the second time you ask the same question? Only this time, you throw in the fact that she's married. Maybe she's a player and is MARRIED!! Move on is my advice and work on yourself before dating again. This obsessiveness is not attractive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2020): You may only be a fling. Seems you've scratched her itch, and now she's ready to move-on. She may have had a sudden attack of conscience; and she has decided it's time to distance herself. You may be one of a series of flings.
I recommend you be careful. She may be under surveillance by a private investigator.
I'm sorry, but the claim her husband has been overseas for five years seems a bit far-fetched. I'm quite skeptical of that. Seems too convenient to me. He must come home some-time, or they may as well divorce.
What's she hanging on to him for, if she's messing around with other men? I wouldn't get myself in too deep in something like this. It could be dangerous.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (7 December 2020):
 Why don't you ask her husband? See what he thinks about it all?
He is still her husband, regardless of where he lives. If she wants to mess around with other men, she needs to cut ties with him and get a divorce, not cheat on him behind his back.
You already have misgivings about her fidelity, suspecting she may have multiple men on the side. Listen to your gut and leave her be. Are you so desperate that you have to mess around with someone else's wife?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 December 2020):
Oh OP!
Why on Earth are you wasting all this energy on a MARRIED woman?!
So this is the same woman you were talking about the other day, who wasn't responding because she was busy "being there" for her friend, right?
MAYBE this MARRIED woman grew a little conscience and figured it wouldn't BER a good idea to have a full brown affair.
Why on Earth do you think this is OK? Just because her husband isn't around? Because HE is WORKING for HIS family overseas?!
Where are your sense of right and wrong? Of values and morals? Sure, you are not married but you ENABLING a married person to cheat on their family and spouse!
Are you so desperate to NOT have a committed relationship that you spend YEARS chasing a married woman?
Shame on you, Sir.
If you want to have an EQUAL LOVING partner WHY not go look for a SINGLE woman?
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (7 December 2020):
 Your correct when you say that the marriage is the hurdle here, and its a big hurdle to climb over as well.
You have received some advice from friends, she's a narccisist, got multiple guys's on the go. The fact is no one really knows do they.
I think that the fact that she is married should be enough reason for you to walk away.
If it was reversed and it was a married guy with a mistress, I would give the same advice to the mistress.
Dating someone married never ends well, so I would say don't persue her anymore, delete her and move on and find someone single.
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (7 December 2020):
 It's hard to know exactly why she is pulling away, perhaps you were just a passing phase - something she had to get out of her system and now she has it has passed. Or, it could have been the fantasy is now outweighed by the reality.
I would just casually ask, if you are still on touch what is happening. It might be time to move on yourself and put the experience down to a learning curve. It was fun while it lasted.
Do you want to be the one who wrecks someone's home?
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