A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm kind of bothered by the fact that my boyfriend didn't care to get me anything for my birthday.I'm not materialistic and I don't really want any specific item but like the saying goes, "It's the thought that counts" and I feel like he didn't put any thought or effort into my birthday.When I mentioned it to him, he claimed a graphic novel he got me months before my birthday was my gift...Before it sounds like I'm making a HUGE deal about this, let me add that I usually have terrible birthdays and this was my 25th, and the first time I wanted to do something special. He didn't seem to care about helping me plan it, so in the end I did it myself. To me, the least he could do was get me a little something special, like even a card would be fine. But I got nothing.Am I justified in feeling this way? I mean, mostly, I feel like he doesn't care. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): I was once in a FWB situation. He got me a birthday card and flowers, I had card and red roses on Valentines Day.A txt on Xmas Day and New year eve at midnight too,as I was way at family
This guy isnt into you as a girlfriend anymore he just doesnt care enough. Finish it n dont go back this time
Good Luck x
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 August 2012):
 Your update tells me everything..
You were together
You broke up
Now you are together again but he’s “coasting” honey you are FWB…. The minute someone that catches his eye comes along and he get’s “that feeling” he will be gone. YOU are currently FILLER In his life.
This is not to say he does not care about you but it’s NEVER going to be what it was.
This is why for the most part we should NOT get back together with an EX.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reponse everyone! :) You guys have really got me reevaluating my relationship, not specifically because of this birthday gift thing, but because of the kind of attitude he has and the effort he puts out in general.Just to answer some questions you asked:- We've been together about a year now. We dated for 2 years before and broke up for a year. Full break up, no contact.- I sort of unofficially lived with him (basically slept over at his house almost every day, until his parents moved in for a month) but then moved back to my own place- He used to be really considerate and romantic when we first started dating but this time around, I don't see much effort. I feel like I'm always initiating everything and he just wants to hang around. I've never spent a Christmas with him because he always goes away with family and this year he didn't bother to call, even after I asked him to bc texting me Merry Christmas a couple times was enough. Also, no effort into my Christmas gift while I spent over 200$ on his (He makes way more $$ than me, fyi)- @HoneyPie: His birthday was the previous month and I made reservations for his family dinner, helped organize his house party and bought him a couple albums from his favourite band so he really had no excuse to slack on mine... and I can't return the favour XD
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (23 August 2012):
 HiIf you feel mostly like he doesn't care then him not getting you anything shouldn't have been a big surprise.In the UK 25th birthdays aren't a 'key' birthday really. 18th,21st,30,40 etc are.However everyone deserves a little spoiling on their special day.A card and a cup-cake with a candle,or flowers maybe, would show he hadn't forgotten.Do you live together? How long have you dated? Did you celebrate with friends instead ? I would have!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): yes it is the thought that counts. the thing is, it looks like he had zero thought at all about you. So that speaks volumes.did he at least wish you a happy birthday?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 August 2012):
 Return the favor for his birthday?
Or sit him down and explain why you are disappointed and why you expected more from him.
How long have you been together?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 August 2012):
@Cute Angel, I didn’t say that he because he didn’t buy her a gift she should leave him.
The OP said: “I feel like he didn't put any thought or effort into my birthday.”
She is correct he did not.
So I asked: “if you feel like he doesn't care why in the world are you keeping him as a boyfriend?”
I did not say that not buying her a gift was reason to leave at all.
I can also tell you that my partner spends a great deal of time and effort on things like birthday’s and anniversaries… To say that “guys don’t’ really care much about this like us girls” is not totally accurate… as I’m the one who sucks at birthday gifts in our family.
that being said you bring up a good point which is perhaps he was raised as a Jehovah's Witness or some other religion that does not recognize birthdays.
...............................
A
female
reader, kata1l +, writes (22 August 2012):
SageOldGuy, how about you get over yourself instead? Young lady, your birthday is the one day where you are ALLOWED to feel special. I never miss one of my family or friends birthday, even if it is just a card. He is really shooting himself in the foot, not to acknoweldge this one day. How hard could it be to stop and buy a card? If he is slack about that, beleive me, it is only going to get worse. Rethink whether he is meeting your needs, because at your young age the world is your oyster and another guy will be along within 10 minutes who is willing to put in some effort.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 August 2012):
 Wellll, perhaps by the time you get to your 30th birthday you will have learned that THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU!!!!
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (22 August 2012):
 I don't agree with 'so very confused'..just because he dint buy her a gift you can't really say why in the world she's sticking to him..Well I totally agree its the thought that counts and its very inconsiderate of your boyfriend to not make your special day even more special..Sometimes I feel guys really don't care much about this like us girls,I mean for us it is a big deal but for them it doesn't seem as much...May be your boyfriend doesn't know the importance of this day to you or how much it means to you..How is he otherwise?is he considerate?If its only this birthday issue then I think you should talk to him again tell him 'I'm not being materialistic or there is nothing in specific I want from you,but all I wanted you to do was make an effort,to make me feel special that day,even a simple card would do it.,you may think I'm over reeacting but it was special for me and I wished you participated in it'..See how he reacts and hopefully your 26th will be one of the craziest bday ever:)Good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 August 2012):
 You are more than justified. In my opinion you're under-reacting. You should have pulled the rug out from under his feet and flipped him upside down.. but instead you just mention it briefly.
If he cared about you he would get you a gift, even if it was just a card. It's the simple truth. Action speaks louder than words. Sorry to have to tell you, but your boyfriend doesn't think you're worth the bother. Maybe it's time to rethink the entire relationship and why you put up with this?
...............................
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (22 August 2012):
 Those little things really do matter. When someone cares enough to go that extra little distance, it can be the difference between a tolerable relationship and a great relationship, in my opinion.
How long have you been together? How is your relationship in other area, is he attentive?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 August 2012):
if you feel like he doesn't care why in the world are you keeping him as a boyfriend?
my fiance is turning 40 his next birthday it's a huge one (as is 25 IMO) and I'm already plotting what to do....
sounds like your BF is just coasting along in the relationship.
...............................
|
