A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I recently posted a question on this website. I only received a couple of answers one of which basically said "Just start dating again. Simple." I don't understand why that is so simple, or easy! If it were simple then I'd have a girlfriend and I wouldn't have the slightest worry about never finding the right person! Anyway, here's what I asked:I'm 20 and I'm single. I've been told hundreds of times by people, my age and my parents age that I shouldn't worry about the fact that I'm single, because someday I'll find somebody right for me. However, I feel like I obsess about being single every single day. Every day I seem to remind myself that I'm single. I miss having a relationship, and I always do when I find myself in this situation. I've never had a normal and lengthy relationship (by normal, I mean one that was not a long distance relationship. I had one of those which lasted a couple of years before it inevitably fizzled out. Despite the horrible circumstance, I still miss that relationship very much even though it's been nearly 2 years since it ended), and I doubt that I am very good at normal relationships, as the longest one I have had lasted only 3 months.I worry that I will never find the right person for me until I learn to relax and accept that I'm single, but since my first relationship ended I just can't seem to do it. What can I do? Please give me some advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): ... stop thinking...
sigh - you are bright intelligent and young. why not think of how you will be with the next person. think of now as a rest period. |Go out - get drunk, meet girls have fun.
Star.x.
A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (27 March 2009):
i know it sounds the same as what they all say but the less you look for something the more likely it is to come around. your so set on finding what you want that your probably missing it as you go along. relationships are good but there not your everything. people do say its easy to start dating again but its not! it can be long and hard most if the time you feel like its a dead end and you may as well quit now. they say theres a someone for everyone, im still to find mine! but i feel a bit of that statement is true. being single is supposed to be a plus but when the lonliness and sadness kicks in the only thing you want is a relationship however if you stick with this attitude youll end up in the wrong relationship and thats as worse as it can get.
dont set out to find someone or something, i know its hard but enjoy life a bit more, you spend so hard on what you havent got its almost like youve forgotten what you have got, it can be a crap time that really gets you down, if you let it. Dont let it! start enjoying who you are, find yourself and it will start to shine through.
i dont think you really miss the long distance relationship, just the feeling of being in a relationship is what you miss, the sense of security that you have someone, that someone to love.
my advice is dont question yourself, what you can do or why you are doing it, just go ahead and do it. take risks, learn to love certain aspects of your life and before you know it love will of found your door. everyone has dry patches where nothing is moving forward, identify this before it starts and then work at it. be yourself, enjoy what youve got and love life. (easy to say and my 'words of wisdom' will of probably made you even more pissed off but im being honest!)
its hard but if you want that future enough then you have to go through all the crap to get there, its worth it in the end (so im told ) best of luck xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): I think you have answered this question for yourself already Quote, "until I learn to relax and accept that I'm single,"
Being single is not the worse thing in life. For example you need to find a nice person for you, well that person will hopefully be single when you find them right?
Also as you already know, to be in a relationship does not automatically equal happiness. So you need to change your thinking. Being single has its plus points. Tell yourself this everytime you are out. Once you accept you are looking for a single person you'll be pleased that there are loads of singles out there. All that needs to happpen is for you to bump into them.
Being needy probably comes through at the moment. Calm down and be yourself. Your person will meet you.
Good luck be happy.
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