A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy online through a language exchange app, where you can talk to people from all over the world. I think throughout our communication i have always had thoughts that something was off. We moved off the app and that's where it all started . I admit that i should of been more cautious and listened to my instincts but like always emotions got in the way. We have been texting for 4 months now and hes been very sweet to me, tells me im beautiful and that when he comes here he wants to be with me. I did do some digging and hes on my social media so i'm not sure if he is not who he says he is but i think from his photos and everything i don't think that's the case, however i just feel he is hiding something or using me. i mentioned about skyping he just replied with a yeah and that was it nothing happened. I feel like i am a little bit too emotionally involved that i like to be and i just find it so hard to break the contact. I know it sounds crazy but i enjoy the contact. Is it worth telling him how i feel or do i just cut this off?
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female
reader, OldSoulGirl  +, writes (21 July 2019):
Listen to your gut. This guy is flaking on you and you basically said yourself that there have been several red flags. People can be whoever they want to be online. Just because he says nice things to you doesn’t mean he is an actual nice person. You’re old enough to know not to fall for someone blindly. The fact that he doesn’t even want to Skype with you should tell you that he’s not serious. He’s stringing you along as far as he can or at least until he gets bored. Cut. This. Off.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2019):
 Thank you for your reply :)
It always help create a bigger picture.
I would say, I think it's easy to FEEL things about someone you don't really know, just by talking to them. We have seen SO many on here who have had LDR's with a VIRTUAL stranger but they believe they are in love. And they may well be... but with the IDEA of what that person is like. NOT the actual person. Because they have never actually met.
I think you CAN bond with someone online or through letters, for sure. But that isn't the same as realistically being able to make it work in reality, in person.
Normal easily spotted "red flags" can be hidden VERY well online. Lies can be "confirmed" with either fake pictures or made up friends. Which is why I think listening to your gut is not a bad idea. Before things progress past something you are comfortable with.
I'd say either tell him that you are cutting contact ( I would use the "excuse" that you feel you are spending too much time on this and not moving forward in your life) or slowly pull away. Don't just "ghost" him.
If something tells you that fire is hot... it's not a bad idea to not stick your hand in it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2019): You say you're emotionally invested but remember, you only invested in the persona he's projecting. You don't know if it's real or not. If you feel something is off, it's off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2019): Honey pie
He is from Chile. I am not sending money , I don’t have money to send him anyway . He says he wants to come here after his degree so he can get a better job. He hasn’t asked me to help him with visa or send him money.
I think like you have said I’m just going to go with my gut!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2019):
Yep, I agree.
Something is off. It's not hard to make fake social media account, it's not hard to steal other people's picture and general info. A LOT of the Nigerian scammers do EXACTLY that.
Are you sending any money? Is he hoping to come to the UK and YOU help him with immigration/ Visa?
If so, cut all contact.
Telling him, I think something is off, means only that you give him ADVICE in how to HIDE whatever is going on. Like a wife back home, he isn't who he says he is or whatnot.
LISTEN to you gut.
Some people get a boost of dopamine from texting. Add anything remotely romantic and there you have it. It becomes a bit like an addiction. You want to KEEP doing it because he FEELS right. (emotionally) but is it realistic? Does it make sense to try and BUILD something with a total stranger over the Internet?
If I may ask where is he from?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 July 2019):
 LISTEN to your instinct. If something feels too good to be true then it more than likely is. 4 months is NOTHING! It should be easy to break contact at that point, if something doesn’t feel right then you’d be silly to advance further.
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