A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm trying to get over a girl. It is hard to do, especially because we are around each other a lot. I can't talk to anyone in my life about it for reasons I don't want to get into, but there is a reason I am posting this on a website anonymously. She is the only girl I've ever "been with" for starters, which I don't like to admit, but it is true. I would try to start a relationship with her but there is no way for this to happen without pissing my family off. Plus I don't think she feels the same way, I would find out, but I think she would react badly to it and things would then be weird between us. We are good friends and I would like it to stay this way regardless of our previous encounter.Since I can't talk to anyone about it, I have been really confused and scared. I have developed an unhealthy attachment to her which I can't seem to get rid of. I stay up at night sometimes thinking of her and occasionally crying myself to sleep. I just need somebody to tell me what I should do. I just want to get over her but I don't know how. what should I do??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): I doubt she doesn't feel the same way about you. If you truly love her, tell her and SHOW her. Actions speak louder than words. And why don't your parents want you to be together? Is it something serious like she's an unhealthy, verbally abusive substance addict who only brings you down? Or is it something stupid like her race? Or that she is older than you? I know it sounds horrible to say, but your parents won't be around forever, so it's up to you to make your own life decisions and be with whoever makes YOU happy. I've been going through a similar situation. My family got in the way of a relationship with someone I really loved. We were each other's "firsts." Both our families were opposed to the relationship actually, because I am slightly older, even though I never felt the age difference because of how compatible we were. Our love became a burden on us because it was a burden on our selfish families. Unfortunately him and I have just stopped talking... it's partially my fault for handling a certain situation passive-aggressively, but regardless, it has made moving on "easier." Even though moving on is the last thing I want to do. I say, if you love her, let her know, if you're willing to FIGHT your families, do it. But make sure that you want to be with her BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT. Otherwise, you're going to REALLY hurt her. And always remember, "whatever dies was not mixed equally," and you can't force anything. If it was meant to be, it will happen, but you need to do your part. However, if you're 100% set on getting over her, then STOP seeing her, I promise it will get "easier" over time... Every time you see her, you will just be cutting that wound back open before it has had the proper time to heal. Maybe she loves you more than you know and just wants what's best for you, even if it means not being with you and making you believe she doesn't care for you. You know, like she's hurting you in order to save you. That's certainly how it is in my situation. Maybe you can be together once you're not so "dependent" on your parents (if that's your case), it makes it less stressful, because you won't have to constantly please them at your own expense. Like someone else mentioned, once you're "officially" together, your families will eventually have to suck it up and accept it. Nevertheless, you shouldn't make up your mind until you tell her how you feel, just make sure it's how you REALLY feel... Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks all, these responses really did help. without going into details, I can't be with her, there is no getting around that. I just need a way to get over her while seeing her on a daily basis. I've started to already, so I don't know if I really need help with this anymore.
@and_i'm_crazy_4_loving_you, I have kept a journal and it does help a lot, I just needed some input from other people. thanks y'all for responding to my question.
that being said, I would still like to hear some more input if you have it. The situation is still tough to deal with, I just want to make things work over smoothly in the end.
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female
reader, monkey friend +, writes (14 October 2010):
If he like her, express your feelings to her. Maybe she feels the same about you.
Secondly, don't involve your family in this. This is YOUR life and YOU have to live it. Your family can't determine who you love and who you don't love~only you can. Don't make your life miserable just to make your parents happy. Parents usually want their kids to be happy, it's just that sometimes they let other things get in the way, like "she's from a different country, you will bring us shame. She's not the same color as you, you will bring shame on this family. She's older than you, you will bring shame on this family,...etc." This is sad!!!
For me, my parents would greatly prefer that I married someone of their religion (which I am no longer a part of) and to marry someone from this country and who is white. They would just about die if I ever brought home a darker skinned man. But you know what? I don't care. I will love who I love. I want to be happy. I'm ok with marrying someone from a different country or even someone who is dark skinned~just as long as I love them.
I have a sister. She married man who is from a different country AND religion. My parents didn't like. His parents didn't like her. Guess what though? Both my parents and his parents now accept their childs spouse. My sister and her husband have been married for over ten years.
Live your life in happiness. Don't marry someone you don't love just to make your parents happy. The heart is not something that should be messed with.
Best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): also. why would your family want you to be with this girl? that sounds very stuck up(if you dont mind me saying)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): This is unfair to the girl, you seemed to have cut her off and maybe shes very upset. you should ring her! it doesnt matter what ur family thinks, its your life,your choices, If you really love her then let her know
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female
reader, melo87 +, writes (14 October 2010):
Do leave her... the only way to get relief is to talk to her tell her the truth... she will understand... if she dt that mean u was wasting time wit her... most gurls like men that never had a gurl b4... they no they the first they never have to worry bout catching something and she respect that u never had a gurl and u want a relationship wit her then she would look that... dont get family involved... i tell u if do u never b happy.. cuz u have to tell anyfirst gurl that.. u cant ran..so tell her gud luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): hii...i'm sure this probably isn't really what you want to hear, but it's really the only thing that i know to say. it takes time to get over someone you love, especially if it's the first person you've ever "been with." it's normal to grieve, and even though it doesn't really feel like it, it's actually healthy. give yourself time to think about her, miss her, cry, scream, throw stuff...whatever you feel like you need to do, do it. think of things that make you happy and do them. even if you still feel like you can't talk to your family, find someone that you feel like you CAN have a conversation about this with...because talking to someone always helps. or, if you still can't find anyone to talk to, start writing in a journal or something (i know that sounds corny, but trust me, it's really helpful in situations like this). the bottom line: give yourself time, and don't hold anything in. above everything else, just let go and let God help get you through this. He won't let you down. ")good luck, and God bless,~sarsar~
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