A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we have 4 kids under the age of 5. A month ago he told me that he had an affair with a coworker. It happened in April and last three weeks, during those three weeks they were together 4 times.He said he had to tell me because it was killing him inside. I was and still am beyond hurt. I never once would have ever thought that he would cheat. If anyone would have asked me a month ago I would have said we had a great relationship, We got along great, we have 4 amazing kids. I need to forgive him, I love him and I want to be a family with him. But I have family and friends that think I'm crazy for trying to work this out. Things have been so stressful. Trying to get over this with four small kids and family that keeps telling me to leave him is making it even worse. How can I get my family to understand why I want to make my marriage work?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 July 2014):
 In that case, you just have to stand your ground and hope that your husband respects you and the marriage enough to not ruin everything all over again. If you trust him and trust that you can make this work, then explain to your family and friends that you are giving him one last chance because of 2 reasons. One that he seems really sorry for his actions and genuinely promises to change for the better and that calls for a second chance and two, that you're doing this for the children.
OP your family and friends care for you, they love you and they cant stand to see you getting hurt yet again. Maybe I would have said the same as them, if this had happened to someone close to me. Cheating is unforgivable for most people and its a deal-breaker in most relationships.
That being said, if you think that the man should be given another chance, then go for it but don't antagonize your friends and family in the process. You never really know what the future holds and if God forbid your husband f's up again, they (your friends and family) are all that you will have and they are the ones that will help you. Tell them that you know they mean well but they should get on board with your choice because you *want* to give the man another chance. That doesn't mean you're going against what everyone's telling you to do. You're taking what is probably the most difficult decision of your life and you will need all the help and support that you possibly can get from the people that love you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 July 2014):
 Funny that your family does not accept as a good enough reason to try and work things out : " I have got 4 kids all under 5 years of age and I am reluctant to make them grow up away from their dad just because dad misguidedly decided to scratch a sexual itch "... I am not tender with cheaters but personally I'd think that if there is a situation which warrants giving the cheater a SECOND chance ( not a third, or fourth etc. ) would be yours. Also considering that the cheater fessed up spontaneously and sounds contrite.
I guess that you'll have to give up the comfort of venting to family and fiends, play with your cards close to your chest, and let them know politely but firmly that this is not up for debate. Just tell them " I want to keep my family intact " or " I am doing it for the kids " ( although this is not the one and only reason ) and ask them, tell them in fact , to not bring the subject up , out of respect for you and your feelings.. You have made your mind up, if works it works, if it does not work- you'll cross that bridge when you'll reach there. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2014): He should offer an apology to your family too to show how sincere he is and show them how much he regrets and how he intend s to learn from this and treat you well. He should humble himself and be ready to take any ***t thrown his way. Hopefully they'll see how sincere he is and hopefully the thought of hurting everyone like this will stop him next time.
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