A
female
age
36-40,
*ani91621
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half. When we first started dating he was Sooooo in live with me, and it was so nice to have someone who treated me like this. He took me on dates, he was compassionate about my feelings, he was caring and selfless. As the first year passed we ran into some obstacles but overcame them. He seemed to get less and less loving each month. He never took me out on dates, he always wanted to stay home an play games instead of attending events with me. I have to throw myself on him if I want to be intimate. Yet he still tells me how much he loves me and cares about me. We recently moved in with each other and that only made things worse. He does not want to be around me ever. All he wants to do is play his games and watch sport center. Anytime he does anything to make me sad he says I'm overreacting and he did nothing wrong. He doesn't even try to comfort me or make me feel better. I've learned to not talk about my feelings with him anymore cause it just causes problems or upsets him. I ask him whats wrong and he says its just that we dont have a 2 bedroom apartment!!! Hwo selfish is that!! I feel like I am in this relationship alone. I know he loves me but is he falling out of love with me? What should I do? I love him so much and cannot go through the pain of losing another love. Is this normal in a relationship? How do I keep it fun still? Please help!!
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female
reader, dani91621 +, writes (22 July 2009):
dani91621 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Oh and one more thing!! He has a lock on his phone! I dont understand this. He did it originally because I had went through it and saw he was talking to his "friends" who were girls who I had never met. Its been almost a year and he still keeps it locked. What should I say to him?
A
female
reader, dani91621 +, writes (21 July 2009):
dani91621 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your replys. I sure wish he could hear all these responces so maybe he would understand how I feel. I just dont get him, I really eurn for his affection and his attention and it sucks living in the same place with him and knowing I wont receive it. Maybe I love him to much. Maybe he is tired of my love. I just wish he would show me, just even the little things like comments about how much he cares about me, or that Im pretty to him, or asking me out on a date. I mean were still dating, so why not date? I fee like a married couple. And for the answer to the questions about the living situation, well he was demoted at work due to the economy and to help him make rent, I offered to move in, at first it was a joke but then he said OKAY!! I also told him I would not move in unless he absoulutly thought he was ready. He said he was ready, and that we should try it out and see how it works. So now he is making plenty of money and we still live together. I am making it seem like our relationship is horrible, but its really not. We are madly in love with each other, but I think being so close all the time we are forgetting how to show it.
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A
female
reader, AskSam  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 I think my darling, I am in the same boat, tha honeymoon period of new love is over and your really meeting the real one another for the first time. I am with my partner headed two years and we are still just getting to know one another. I think its a pre seven year itch thing, and if you can get around this, things will be fine till the seven year itch that some couples expierience, the sports and game thing, completely normal for a man. But a little on the selfish side, so order him to make more of an effort and try to spice things up between you. If not, think twice because he is in a rut, and probably wont change unless you push him to think about both of you as a couple.
Best of luck sweetheart!
sam
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A
female
reader, FeelingSad09  +, writes (21 July 2009):
Hi I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend seems to be emotionally withdrawing from you. I know how this feels and it hurts like crazy.
I think the absolute worst thing you can do is try to get closer to him at this point - both emotionally and physically. The more you move towards him, the further he'll retreat.
You seemed to move in with him pretty quickly? Who's idea was it? Did you suggest it first or him? What were your reasons for wanting to live together?
The reason I ask is, I wonder if you both need to work on your independence? If your boyfriend wants to stay in all the time and be on his own, is he feeling depressed through loneliness? I know that might sound ridiculous because he's got you, but in order for a relationship to work, you both need to be happy on your own, as individuals.
How often do you see your friends? How often does he see his? It sounds to me like you both need to get some hobbies/interests that aren't each other. You should start leading the way - organise a girls night, go out for dinner with friends/family, whatever it is you enjoy doing, and then gently suggest/enquire as to whether he's got any similar plans. Hopefully he will start to socialise a bit more with real people, as opposed to computer games.
I think the best thing for you to do is to keep busy and be fabulous and show him what he's missing out on! Don't dwell on the negative and what he's not doing. Hopefully he will open up to you in time and as you say, it can be fun again.
I would be a little bit concerned if he is staying in all the time and wants to be alone - is their a family member or friend of his you can speak to? Just to make sure there's not an underlying problem like depression.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Stitch +, writes (21 July 2009):
There are a few ways that you could go about it and im going to say only a few of them that i think will suit you :)
You say that you want a fun relationship and want to keep it fresh and new, perhaps try new things that sound fun for the both of you. he obviously likes sports so maybe go to some sort of game or match with him.
another thing you can do is to sit him down and really have a talk about it. if he gets moody then you need to be forcefull and make him listen. this may turn into an argument and cause stress so if this does happen then try and keep it on the main subject, try not to repeat yourself unless he asks and you need to confess all your feelings and not hide anything.
hopefully he will break down and this will make the relationship feel as if new when its all made up because he should realize how much of a jerk he has been.
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