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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: i was asked out by this guy i like, but i turned him down. i tried to make myself believe i turned him down by making up some lame excuse, but the real reason i turned him down is that i'm scared to like him. i have never had a boyfriend before and i grew up in an abusive environment until the age of 8. i think part of the reason i'm so scared is that i'm going to be in the same situation my mom was in when she was abused because i am so much like her and i'm afraid i will make the same mistakes she made. the guy left his number and said i could call or text if i wanted to. this happened a few days ago. i do like him, but i'm not sure if i should call him or not as i still have a lot to deal with about the past that has haunted me for so many years. also i don't know if it is too late to call him or not as he thinks that i don't like him even though i do. i'm conflicted about what i should do and would really appreciate it if someone could please help me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): i think you should text him and ask if he wants to hang out. also if you want to take things slow so you can work on not being afraid so your fears won't interfere with your life, you need to tell him. you need to be honest with him about how you feel- he's not a mind reader and won't know whats going on if you don't tell him. the key to any relationship, including friendships, is communication.
A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 Hi you're over thinking things way too much honey. If you text or call him then whats gonna happen? He's going to take you on a date thats all. You dont have to marry or spend the rest of your life with this guy cos you text him. Try to put this in perspective. Its only a friendly text with a view to hanging out and seeing what happens, not a life sentence of guarenteed misery. Who knows you may even have fun. good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): i think you should follow your heart. if you like him, you should call him. you can't let the past interfere with living your life and it is highly unlikely that you will make the same mistakes as your mother as you are not your mother. but if you are not really sure if you can put the past behind you yet, you should probably wait to call him. if you do call him, be honest with him. if he doesn't understand, then don't worry because you deserve someone who can understand and will be there for you. hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): why dont you swallow your fears and maybe just talk to him for a bit? if he says you can text him why not do that. texting is more comfortable so you wont have to be nervous. then you could move on to calling.
dont be afraid. he obviously likes you and you like him. and even if you are like your mom that doesnt mean that this guy will treat you the same way she was treated. everyones gotta make big decisions. maybe if you end up going out with him you can break your fear and get over the problems in the past.
hope i helped =]
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A
female
reader, Stitch +, writes (21 July 2009):
You should definatley give him a call. if your mother made those mistakes then you will surley know not to let it happen to you, go out and live youre life hun. make sure you being scared of this does not ruin youre life
xxx
Stitch
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A
female
reader, AskSam  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 Oh you poor thing, I can really feel your pain at having trust issues with guys,to do with the past. I was beaten by a man and a relative throughout my life, but to be honest the only way out of that is to seek professional counselling, there are plenty of free services and lots of help out there just for people like us. On the guy thing, sit him down and say you like him but just explain why you turned him down, he will understand you if he is the decent type and if he is going to be sticking around, no point in beating around the bush, if he is a nice genuine guy he will understand you will want it loving and to take it slow. I think you should allow yourself some happiness after the stressful times you have been through.
:)
Good luck my friend
sam xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): i think you should call him. you are not your mother, you are your own person, so you make your own decisions.
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