A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well i am 25 and have four children, three from a previous relationship, and yes i started really young, But i need someones help, my fella is a gambler and goes to the pokers five days a week, now just to be clear, he doesnt spend my money and he still pays me money towards food and bills. Not much but enough. We have a six month old baby and have been together for two years just about. Things were great, amazing, until the youngest Joey was born, not only would he not be there in the labour ward as he hated blood, he wouldnt even go to the hospital. And since then, things have gone downhill, he is gone now five days a week to the pokers from 10am till 9pm and when he gets home he cooks his dinner we sit together for an hour and I go to bed, because he sleeps on the couch. He says that my snoring keeps him awake, but this is half a year, and i miss him in bed, we have sex maybe twice a month, and when we do he is a very selfish lover i feel like a cheap woman unsatisfied and very tearful, i talk to him all the time try to convey my fears, but i get nothing. I cry myself to sleep everynight, lonely and looking after the baby all alone in the nights, and at the weekends he is good, cooks the dinner and we entertain his family, few cans and gamesw of darts and then he just goes to sleep and invites his family to sleep over at my house, he just seems to be rather selfish in many areas. My other three children adore him and he barely talks to them, he says they are not his kids and not his responsibility i do get that, but surely kicking a football outside or just playing a boardgame would be enough for them. He is a large influance on their lives and do not wish for them to think this kind of behaviour is acceptable. I love him so much, and have really been weighing up my options, i refuse to stay with a man for the sake of kids, its whats best all round, everyones happiness. But above all mine. We are supposed to be getting married, but we dont even go out together and do anything! i often say just a walk or a coffee out in a cafe would be wonderful. He says i will try and never does, sex for instance, he says he finds me attractive and sexy, yet wont fulfil me unless he needs it, and he has pornography stashed everywhere on his phones,all these lovely skinny women, i have had four kids and am a size 14 in uk clothes and have rather nice boobs still,the confidence knock comes at a blow, i try to always look good, keep house clean, and make time for him, he has porn dvds hidden everywhere and naked pictures of his exgirlfriends on an old phone he borrowed to me, i have never felt so low and insecure, i dont mind porn its healthy for a man, but not when i am unhappy and we have no sex life. He is always too tired to have sex, and the cuddles i have to give, his are half hearted and limp. He regularly loses his erction during and before sex, I find i am not trusting him as much and really need someone elses insight. Please helpxxxx
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boobs, cheap, confidence, his ex, insecure, limp, money, nude pictures, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, am really thinking of getting rid of him, thanks very much
A
female
reader, shna +, writes (21 July 2009):
 you just said yourself . . . u think you need sumbody else . . go for it
he obiously doesnu make an effort with your kids and hes treating you like shit . . im guessing hes out of work mabi since hes playing poker r watever all day . . so where is he getting the money from ??
he doesnt want to talk to your kids he doesnt want to sleep in the same bed as you and uses the thickest excuse " i cant sleep cause of your snoring" its stupid like
hes basically using your house as sumwhere to crash like a bachelor pad . with a few temporary lodgers
its your house and he shud ave some fucking respect for you !!
get rid of him hes a waster by the sounds of it x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much, your very kind to have answered my problem. And i greatly apreciate your help! I will definatly try a new appraoch! thanks
sam
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A
female
reader, Chay  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 Hey honey! Sounds like you’re having a rather tough time. For what I’ve heard it is NOT fair on you our children’s part! To have a family or relationship it’s built on everyone playing a part and supporting each other, there is not much coming from your mister. It’s not expectable that he is going to his gambling sessions rather than spending time with his miss's. Of course a man needs his space and his own personal time but not from 10am to 9pm. Sending time with your children is something he should be doing! I can understand if there not his, but he is your partner and they come with you! They need a dad figure in their life to keep it normal. He should make the effort for you sweetheart. Why should he dismiss your family when you have to cook and accommodate his? It needs to work both ways.
DO NOT nock your confidence because you’re a curvaceous woman compared to these fake stick people in his videos. It’s expected for a man (or woman) to have these videos, but not of his ex-girlfriends, is he in contact with them honey?
The spark in your love life is going down; perhaps try other stimulants that keep you satisfied until he gets his head in gear. Obviously with you having no sex its expected of you to stray and look out for other men, no matter how much you love him. Mention to him how he has time to watch porn but has no time for the real thing with you.
Marriage isn’t a very good idea at this stage, what’s to say you get married and nothing changes? Your happiness goes down the drain, and leaves a miserable feeling in your home which your children will pick up.
You need to tell him how it is, that you don’t trust him anymore, and the family is tearing down because he is acting ridiculous. Either he is an inconsiderate as*hole or there is something up with him, a reason why he is distancing himself from you. I’m in no position to tell you what to do it’s your life but you need to tell him to get his act together. Because there isn’t a reason why you should give up your happiness for him for anyone! If not, worst case scenario, leave with your children.
Honey you’re a strong person and you will sort this out successfully. You and your kids come first remember.
Good luck Chay x
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