A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is more of a family question, hope you guys can help.I'm 27, and both my parents and I are immigrants. I have two college degrees and have been working for the past 3 years. I live with my parents and younger sister. I bought the house together with my parents...I wanted them to have a comfortable life and I couldn't afford a nice property on my own back in the day.Now my sister has finished college and has been unemployed for about 6 months. She sends applications off but never follows through or calls any employers. It's as if she doesn't want to work. She doesn't pay any bills or rent or food.I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year and we've been talking of living together one day. I don't know how to make that happen.If I move out my parents will have to sell the home because my sister doesn't work and can't pay half the mortgage, like I do now. I want them to stay in the nice home we all worked hard to get but I don't know how to do that when she refuses to get a job.She's now talking of going back to study and that would be a minimum three years of no work and no income...she refuses to get a part time admin/retail job. I've tried helping her find work but she just brushes me off.I don't want my parents to have to sell and move because of this but I don't know what to do. If she had a job she could contribute to the mortgage and I could move out. I would contribute a little bit as well while I'm not living there to help out as I can do that financially.I feel like I'm trapped. I can't just walk out on my parents after having been given so much by them in the past. But I don't know how long I can just keep quiet and wait.
View related questions:
live with my parents, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (25 May 2010):
if your sister simply isnt trying and is now using study as another excuse not to work then I would simply stop providing for her.do not provie her with food, tell her she has to contribute towards living at home. almost everyone has to pay a rent to cover living expenses.she would get the shock of her life if she was thrown out and had to pay everything herself. just ask her for enough to cover her living expenses and contribute towards the home. if it is too expensive then she will move out anyways.you can not support your family for the rest of your life as you have a life of your own. if you want to move why not down grade the family home and ake it more affordable for your parents. dont your parents work?your sister has it too cushy and you need to put yourself first for a while and consider selling the house for something smaller. if you sold it you could get something big enough for your parents that they can aford and your sister will have to grow up and look after herself.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 May 2010):
 You aren't chained to your family for the rest of your life. Your sister can't sponge off of you for the rest of her days, and you have done more than enough. Eventually, a kid leaves the nest and makes a life for themselves.
Give your parents fair warning though, and give your sister a deadline too. Sometimes, that urgency is a better motivator than nagging. Keep in mind though, unless you KNOW she's slacking, it's a very tough job market. I've had unemployed friends who were out of work for over a year, looking faithfully, until they found work. It's brutal out there.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Don't be so pessimistic,it is not that drastic.I don't know which part of the world you come from originally but if you are from any of the consevative parts of Asia, you know it is normal and expected for the kids in these societies to pay a little amount of their salary to the parents whether they need it or not, this is a way to show gratitude and respect for their sacrifizes to get you where you are.also eventually when they pass away all their belongings come back to the kids anyway. so there is nothing lost and a lot to be gained and not only in money terms. so you can go ahead and plan your future life with your b.f away from your parents but still pay some share of the mortgage. as for your kid sister, well if there is something wrong with her and she is unable to work, then she is still your problem to help her.but it seems to me she is ok since she has been successful in getting her college degree, just encourage her to go ahead and be successful in life and she will. good luck to you both.
...............................
A
female
reader, Gridrebel +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Although your sister appears to be a user and is not pulling her weight, it is not her responsibility to take on the role you helped enable for your parents. It is not fair to try and pass this burden onto her. There are absolutes in life. You can either stay with your parents to help financially support the lifestyle you helped create or you change the lifestyle to accomodate you having an independant life from them. This is a great financial market for buying a new home. Maybe they can still have a nice place but not so expensive, easing the financial burden on everyone. Leave the sister out of the calculations. Unfortunately, moving might be the only option. It need not be a negative issue and it is better to tackle earlier than later.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 You have been the dutiful daughter. By North American standards, you have gone above and beyond the call. It's simply unreasonable for you to hold off on your getting on with your life because your sister isn't stepping up to the plate.
Have you spoken to your parents about this? You own the home together. Sell it, let them use their half of the equity to buy a small condo suitable for their needs. If they want to support your sister, that's their call. But you need to get on with your life. You've done what you needed to do for the rest of your family; it's up to them now to make their decisions.
...............................
|
