A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. This is a bit of a weird one...I'll start from the beginning. I think things with my girlfriend are getting close to moving to the 'next stage' ie sex lol. BUT I don't think I can just yet, and probably not for a long time because I'm scared of it to be honest. I'm scared of not being any good, any fun, too quick. (With my most recent ex, I barely lasted 30 seconds each time... and I'm scared of history repeating itself...)I know, I should maybe talk to her about this or ask her to tell me what she wants etc but that brings me to my next hurdle...How on earth do I tell her? I can't just blurt it out but I can't wait til 'the moment' either. Any ideas about ANY of the points I've said, I'd be more than grateful. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Well, no, you don't say "How's your dinner dear, and by the way, I have penile control issues". LOL
In an intimate setting where you two are alone, just tell her that you find her really beautiful, and that you are really attracted to her and want to make her really physically happy, but you've had a struggle with being premature in the past and are really nervous about not giving her the best experience she's had. Tell her that you are ready to do what it takes to work on that, and to do other things so that she will be totally satisfied.
Bottom line, if you make it a problem YOU have and reiterate that you want to focus on HER pleasure and happiness before your own, most women will melt and help you out. You have to say those things before sex so that her first impression will be that you only want to please yourself. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHOW do I tell her though? Like I said, I can't just blurt it out suddenly...
And thank you for the advice so far.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 May 2010):
C Grant is absolutely right.
I can add to that and say that if you're nervous about talking to her about it, just let yourself be vulnerable. If she loves you, she'll want to help you out and will be very patient and understanding. It's when you get all uptight, get cranky, and emotionally distant (before and AFTER) about it that problems happen. If you're embarrassed, SAY so.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Good for you for wanting it to be good for her. Performance anxiety is a nasty problem.
My suggestion is to focus on the things other than intercourse. There are lots of things you can do to give her an outstanding experience. If she's climaxed two or three times before intercourse, the 30 seconds won't be such a big deal. I think most women understand that the excitement that goes with a new partner means that men don't always do as well as they'd like.
If the relationship has developed well so that there's a lot more to it than sex, and if you've demonstrated that you're anxious to be an excellent lover regardless, she'll cut you enough slack to work together with you on the problem. Once you're comfortable in that part of the relationship, things will likely work themselves out.
Enjoy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): It's NOT a weird question.
How long have you been dating? Definitely talk to her about it. To have a good relationship period you have to be able to talk about anything. I would bet she's nervous too. I'm 40 and I still get nervous. :)
Seriously, I think it takes lots of practice and knowing your partner to "get it right" cause everyone likes different things.
Maybe a good idea to "take care" of yourself before you have your date. Guys last longer the second time around. Plus I think it's all a mind game for you men. Gotta learn to control or ignore or slow down to keep from orgasm.
You'll work it out. Tell her and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Hmm, do you use a condom? Cuz if not you could try using that as they can reduce the sensation which makes a lot of guys last longer...you could always ask your doctor about it too, I know some guys would be too embarassed to talk about that sort of stuff with them, but it's an option...
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