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male
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*eligerent
writes: Wow am I glad I found this site. Here's my situation. Im a seperated 33 year old guy. My wife Sheri (36 years old) and I have been married 3 years. Sheri is a "good woman" with a big heart but I never found her attractive the way a man should be attracted to his wife. In April of this year I met a 24 year old woman. we will call her Nadine. We began to have strong feelings for each other immediately. In July I told my wife I wanted a seperation and we sold our condo and split the money and she has maintained an apartment and has always told me she wanted me back whenever I was ready to come. Nadine on the other hand has asked me to divorce sheri and be totally hers. I love nadine, but she's a single mom with 2 kids (yes, i knew this in the beginning.) 3 Weeks ago I broke up with Nadine and was going to move back in with my wife but I started freaking out when Nadine told me she was going to go out with a guy from work for breakfast. I immediately cancelled the move in plans with my wife (hurt her again) and started wanting Nadine back. Now im literally confused by the minute. Some moments I just want Nadine to tell me she cant do this anymore and other times I just sit and wish I could hold her. We talk several times per day and she says that 3 weeks ago when I told her I was going back to my wife I crushed her and she's now coming to terms with it and feels as though she doesnt know if she can handle me changing my mind again. My wife wants a decision too. She wants me back and wants to mend our relationship and feels confident that she can put this behind us. I feel like I could divorce my wife and be with Nadine but my relationship with my wife was never all that miserable. What if my new relationship with Nadine and her kids isnt my cup of tea. What if I cant handle not having the emotional and financial security my wife and I had. What if I go back to my wife and stare at the ceiling thinking of Nadine at night.
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female
reader, Sami +, writes (8 December 2005):
After you are with Nadine for awhile, the excitement will wear off just like it did with your wife. Then you will be stuck with a boring women without the security that you had with your wife. Stop thinking with your penis.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005): I think you should take some time to yourself. you are toying with love and emotions. Taking the the true meaning of it and destroying it. you might as well just be alone forever. what you are doing is filling the voids in your life with two people what one has the other doesn't etc. etc.. that is just wrong and selfish. once you can love yourself then you can love another too. until thentake some time for yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005): If you really loved Sheri, in the first place, you wouldn't be attracted to Nadine, dear. By reading your letter, it sounds like you feel an obligation to Sheri, but you're not in love with her. Got to remember, you and Nadine have shared a past-a marriage-a history, so your commitment to her is understandable. However, the marriage is done and you need to let go and take on all the risks of love and committment with Nadine. Why? Because it's very apparent from your posting that you are in love with Nadine-so make the decision to move forward with her. You simply need to learn to trust your head, your heart and choose the situation that makes you the happiest. If you cannot make a decision, then you aren't ready to be involved with anyone. Something to think about too is this question...Do you feel good enough about yourself to manage without a partner or do you only feel OK if you're somebody's partner? If you can manage without either woman..take a break from both relationships right now and think about what 'you' want. I want you to believe that you are a lovable, good man and that means if things don't work out with either woman, it's OK, because you'd then be free to find someone who's better suited to you. Whatever and whomever you decide to remain with..don't keep floundering back and forth between both women. That is so painful and unfair to both of them. Make a decision and stick to it. Good luck, dear.
Hugs Irish
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005): I had a similar situation. I left my wife for a younger woman that i worked with. We had a connection and were a good team. After 5 years i caught her out sleeping with, you guessed it another married guy from work! I made my decision that i couldn't really love my wife if i was sleeping with somebody else. I know that Nadine may stay faithful to you but if it was my time again and I was unsure, I would have some time alone, away from both of them and decide what i want. Its hard as like me the feeling of insecurity will hit you like a sledgehammer when you move out. But you can rebuild your life. I was suddenly 30 with no savings, no house and no car. But After time I built a new life. Its probably not what you want to hear but I reckon neither of them are for you. Mrs right could be still out there waiting. You only get one life. Hope this helps. I know its not easy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005): Okay, I would definitely have to say you need a break from both of them, just to think about how you feel about both women. A couple weeks would probably do, no contact with either of them that would make you change your mind over and over again. Think about how you feel about both, your likes and dislikes, and what you want and need in a relationship. Who would be able to satisfy these better - Nadine or your wife? Remember - it's what inside that matters, so you can't really think about who attracts you the most physically (you could be with the prettiest woman on earth but still not be satisfied...). Only after doing this will you know in your heart who you'll want to be with...I've been in a situation like yours so I know how you feel. Don't make a decision without really asking yourself these questions and have found all the answers. Good Luck!
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