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male
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anonymous
writes: I've recently been chasing a girl that I met a few months ago in a club. As soon as I met her, there was a connection. I felt a spark whenever we spoke and being around her made me feel so comfortable. We met up casually whilst we were out seperately with our friends and eventually we met up on our own. The first night we went out together was fantastic. We got on really well and I ended up staying with her. As we were kissing, she told me that she'd recently split up with somebody. Nothing happened between us that night. I didn't want to rush things and make it worse for her. So, we emailed each other and phoned each other every so often and she came home this weekend. We went out for lunch on Saturday and, again, got on really really well. Later on that evening, she invited me to a family party that she was going to. I was a bit nervous about meeting her family, but they were lovely to me. I was being introduced as the guy that she was seeing. I was really really happy at this moment in time. We left the party and went to a club and continued to have a great night together. A friend of hers saw us together and ask her if we were "together". She said yes and we looked at each other and both smiled. I was so so happy. I saw some of my friends and I went to talk to them and she went to speak to her friends. We met up at the end of the night and she pulled me aside and said she had to tell me something... I didn't like what I was hearing, but went with her to a quiet corner of the club we were in. Here's the twist... She apologised to me and said that she is a lesbian. She's tried to fight it for so long, but she can't keep leading people on. We get on really well and I really like this girl, but I don't know what to do. I can understand that she doesn't want to lead me on and I respect her for being honest, but why did she introduce me to her family and friends as her boyfriend? I asked her and she said that she wasn't sure. She said that I'd be the perfect boyfriend, but she had to tell me before it got out of control. I think that maybe she is confused. If she was 100% about her sexuality, surely she'd have told me that from the outset. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to turn my back on her, because she is a great friend if nothing else. I am just confused as to why she left it so late to tell me something like that. It was just very sudden. One minute, I'm her new boyfriend and the next, I'm nothing. I didn't know how to react. We were both drunk by the time she told me and we had a slight argument about it. We've spoken since and we're both apologising to each other all the time. I could perhaps understand it if she told me everything and never wanted to see me again, but the next day, I drove her back to uni and we've been emailing each other again this week just like we used to. What do I do?!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): I agree with Monk that you have to sack up a little here.
Continue hanging out with her because you do seem to like her, but make sure she sees you as sexual. Dont fall into the trap of letting her cast you as some asexual mope who she can use as a prop and ignore.
During one of these drunken conversations, why dont you mention what you want to do to her when you get her in the sack. Dont pressure her but put it out there.
She'll be back to the dick. Just make sure she knows you are interested.
A
male
reader, Monk +, writes (1 December 2005):
She's not confused. Either she's not that into you and wants to let you off without putting a spear through your manhood (and yeah, you sound like one of those annoying overly sensitive nice guys that women don't care for), or she really is a lesbian and used you as a cover. Most likely, it's the former.
People don'ot figure out they're a lesbian while drunk in a club. (That's not to say that the same people don'ot speak lesbian while drunk in a club).
Get some balls man. You didn't want to rush things? Come on, that's sissy talk.
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A
female
reader, iggyzap +, writes (1 December 2005):
well like you said i think she is confused. if she was sure about her sexuality she probably would have told you from the start and possibly even her family would have known she was gay and wouldnt have thought you were her boyfriend. and most of all if she is gay she wouldnt have kissed you. I think she is bisexual and if you are looking for a long term relationship it probably wouldnt work out, if thats the case.although most men fantacize about and enjoy being with bi women most people eventually want marriage ( to one person) and if shes bi the she will not be happy with one sex and it will just break your heart. she sounds like a great girl and it seem you get along great together so look into the future and think about what you want out of life and a fulfilling relationship and ask yourself it you would be able to have that with this girl. if you cant then it is best to leave it at good friends
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