A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,I dated my ex-girlfriend for almost 5 years. Our relationship was a tumultuous one at the best of times, with a lot of petty fighting and breakups. We were definitely known as a temperamental couple.Over the past year, the severity of the fighting escalated and I began to be physically attacked:— punched, kicked, scratched, etc. And while the physical pain is a non-issue for me, I deeply resented my ex-girlfriend for treating me this way.I don't lay all of the blame for this on my ex-girlfriend. During arguments I often employ the 'silent treatment' or give provocative responses. She would become so frustrated that she would feel the need to hit me to get a response. Thus, I am partially to blame for inciting her rage.Nevertheless, on several occasions I made it clear that physical abuse was not acceptable under any circumstances.However, the jealous and paranoid arguing continued, and occasionally so did the physical abuse. Over time this 'numbed' my feelings of affection for her.As a result, I broke it off with her several weeks ago for good... or so I thought.In the meantime, I met another girl whom I find extremely attractive. This girl is a career-girl, highly focused and very disciplined, and at times she can be almost a little too clinical. We've been seeing each other in a completely non-serious way for a few weeks now. But it's safe to say we are both interested in each other. She moved to my city six years ago but still doesn't know a lot of people here, so I've been giving her my company a lot lately. And I know she's been disappointed by guys in the past, so I'd hate to do the same to her.However, once my ex-girlfriend found out about the new girl, she became incredibly distraught. She would call me in tears and I would need to go comfort her.I even had to spend last night with her because she was so hysterical/upset that nothing would calm her down and she wouldn't let me leave.Despite how terrible my relationship with my ex-girlfriend may sound, she really is the best friend I've ever had. I've never loved someone as much as I love her, and it breaks my heart to know that I am breaking her heart.I've had my heart broken once before a long time ago, so I know exactly the kind of pain she is feeling. And I feel extremely guilty knowing that I could stop it all for her so easily.She says that she will change her behaviour, and I genuinely believe that she will this time around. However, I've now met someone new (whom admittedly I don't love, but could potentially come to love), and I'm torn between breaking my ex-girlfriend/best friend's heart and taking a risk with a new girl, or massively disappointing the new girl and trying to rekindle things with the ex-girlfriend.If I were to do the latter, the new girl would most definitely have every right to hate me for leading her on, only to run back to my ex-girlfriend.I'm also worried that I could date this new girl, and we could turn out to be totally incompatible at more fundamental levels. By which time, my ex-girlfriend may have moved on herself or have come to hate me so much that she would never take me back.I'm just seeking advice on the best course of action.Do I go back to my ex-girlfriend/best-friend-I've-ever-had for one last shot, making me look like a massive jerk to the new girl?Do I take a gamble with the new girl, at a severe emotional cost to my ex-girlfriend (for which I would feel forever guilty)?Do I do neither, and just go it alone?Ultimately, I know the situation first-hand and am best-positioned to make the final decision, but I would appreciate the input/experiences of others.Kind Regards,Bleeding Heart Nice Guy
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Pretty sure the last male who posted was probably your ex-girlfriend, because that was probably the most irrational response I have ever seen on this site... Lol.
Seriously though. You and your ex are beyond done; it sounds as though you were getting pretty fed up with her drama long before the new girl came along. As soon as word gets out that you may be talking to someone else, she suddenly does a 180 and claims to have changed? Doubtful. Leopards don't change their spots so easily, and should you go back to her, your relationship's original problems will resurface and she'll revert to her abusive ways.
Whether you end up going steady with this new girl or not, your old relationship isn't worth salvaging. Cut your ties and move on to greener pastures. At the end of the day, you deserve happiness as much as the next person. :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Please Don hurt your ex she deserves your love as she has sincerely made 5years wit you.love and take care of her till your last breath.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 I think you are addicted to the drama your ex created. Like a junkie you are tethered to an abusive person, thinking you don't deserve someone "normal" but your ex has not changed. This is merely a way to control you, even after the brea up she is still controlling you with her mind games and crocadile tears. If she was truly your ex she would not know anything about this new friend you've had and she wouldn't have the right to say a word, nor should you be inclined to comfort her manipulative tears. You are enjoying this power trip. This bread crumb she has thrown you. So you have a choice to make. The cut the tie to your ex. No more spending the night soothing her ruffled feathers. No more calls or text messages. Clean break. Don't make excuses (I don't love this new friend; maybe we will be incompatible). Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe one day your ex will go completely bezerk and stab you with a knife in one of her fits. Then what? Your life will be over. Is it really worth it? Pull the plug on your ex and don't look back. You deserve more. You just have to convince yourself that you do.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (8 July 2012):
 Your ex-girlfriend sounds like an emotional and physical drain. I am sure she is a nice girl, but after the history you have had, I would venture to guess that your break-up was necessary. I know you are upset about the pain you are causing your ex, but suffice it to say, it doesn't sound like you were well matched. I understand why you went to console her, but it was probably a mistake. You moved on to find someone new, but I also wonder about this new girl. You say she is almost "too clinical" which is an odd comment to make about someone you really like. I would tell your ex that the two of you are not good for one another and that it is time you move on. Then, I would not communicate with her. Do not answer calls, texts, or emails. Let her go and see what the new girl brings. She may not work out either, but that is one of the chances you take with dating. The worst thing you could do is waffle back and forth between the two of them. It's the worst thing you could do for yourself and for each girl.
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