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I love him but feel he is rushing me into marriage next year. I haven't accepted. Should I accept?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 July 2012) 7 Answers - (Newest, 9 July 2012)
A female Nigeria age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I love my boyfriend so much and he obviously loves me more than i love him.it was him i gave my virginity to.

we are both just 17.

he proposed to me to marry him.he said he wants us to do it as soon as possible(next year when we turn 18).

But i dont want to.

He hasnt stopped pleading for me to consider his proposal.he says its because he doesnt want to lose me and he wants an assurance that we wil always be together.

should i accept?

Im so confused because i love him so much.

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (9 July 2012):

Sweet-thing agony auntYou are too young to get married. And clearly not emotionally ready to seal your fate to just one guy when you have no idea what else is out there. Your b/f senses this and that's why he's pressuring you. It's about control. It's about ownership. Do you really want to be owned at this age? You have your whole life ahead of you and believe me, your taste in men will change as the years go by. And it will be much more painful to divorce him later. You should wait.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012):

He sounds like quite an insecure person, and that's NEVER a good thing in a relationship.

Tell him you want to wait and give him your reasons for it.

Personally I think it would be wise to wait a few years, and you both have steady jobs and a good income to make it everything you want it to be.

Ultimately its your decision, but as others have said, if its not at the time you are happy with then you won't be happy despite the fact you love and want to marry him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks to y‘all.you have al been very helpful.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (8 July 2012):

TasteofIndia agony auntNope. Because if you marry him, you'll only be bitter and resent him for pushing you into that kind of commitment. I don't doubt that you love him, but you shouldn't need to prove your lover by MARRYING HIM. That's just crazy. Marriage will not make this problem go away, it will magnify it by 145674321%.

Like So Very Confused says, him pushing you is going to push you away from him. And it would be worth him knowing that. You love him, but you're not ready to get married. End of story. You sound like a smart girl, so listen to your gut and do what's right! Good luck, sweet!

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (8 July 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntno you don't accept. you are way too young.

what you tell him is he will lose you if he keeps pushing you.... that he will push you right away if he keeps pressuring you....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012):

Instead of marriage, suggest getting promise rings. They symbolize staying together until you are at a proper age to get married, like 25+. Then, you can get married when you graduated college, have jobs, a home, cars, and a stable life. Then you can get married.

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A female reader, JULIE MIKE Kenya +, writes (8 July 2012):

you two are soo young and this is young love and my dear you havent experienced love yet,you can even be shocked he is not the man who will marry you.but from your question you havent said for how long you guys have been dating!!! ok i suggest you sit him down tell him to give you the benefit of doubt that you will not leave him and that you are not ready and there is no need for going into a marriage when you two are not ready. REMEMBER MARRIAGE IS A LIFE TIMES COMMITMENT SO DECIDE WISELY.al the best

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