A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met my fiance when i was 16 (i'm 23 now), we hit it off straight away. we knew we would be good together. after 5 years of being together he asked me to marry him, i said yes. we were very happy and wanted to spend our lives together, we have now been together for nearly 7 years.just after last xmas he thought i was having an affair with my best friend. me and my best friend have always been real close, we've known eachother for 12 years now and i've helped him with problems as he has done for me, but what are friends for.thing is my mum was the one who thought i was having an affair and she and my dad now hate my best friend.my fiance practically lives with me and my parents. thing is that rough patch we went through i spent alot of time with my friend talking and i have fallen for him, and he feels the same, and we have felt this way for each other for several years but only just realised. and i have been thinking and watching him, he is incredible with kids and i have thought i want him to be the father of my kids when i have them, he would make an amazing father, and he has told me that i would make a fantastic mother.i do love my fiance but not the same as i used to, i mean we don't sleep together anymore, don't do things together anymore.my family adore him so much, as his family adore me. but i just don't want to be part of his family anymore.we are planning to get a house and have been saving since the beginning of this year and planned to get married after we bought one.but i just don't see me spending my life with him anymore. but i don't know what to do. i don't want to be the 'bad guy'. both our families would be devistated as they are all so excited about us buying a house and getting married.please can someone help?
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female
reader, iloveyhoo +, writes (28 June 2009):
 i can see where your coming from but you need to hurry up and make your decision. maybe tell your fiancee that things are not working well and you would rather have a break. see how things go from there. but too me it seems like you will have such a better life with your best friend.i honestly don't really know what you can do apart from be truthful. or if you do have a break with your fiancee you might find out how much you do love him and want him back. so whatever you do don't tell him that it's cause your falling in love with your best mate.good luck x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): It's not about your families, it's about what YOU want and how YOU feel. Why would you want to live unhappily and put on a show for your families to make them happy when you are not? Your famileis will come around sooner of later or it's their loss that you have done a courageous thing and let your fiance find true love as that love isn't with you. It is in both your interests to move on. Even if you don't go with your best friend, you shouldn't be with someone you do not love. You both need to be happy in life or else what is life about?If you and your best friend feel the same way, do the decent thing and call off the wedding. You can grow out of love and that's what's happened with your fiance, there's nothing wrong with that, but you must end it sooner rather than later if you are not in love with him or feel the same way. Yes it will cause a lot of upset, but is it worth living a lie? Your fiance also doesn't trust you, maybe he knows unconsiosuly that you and your best friend like each other. Trust is a huge thing in a relationship and if he suspects something, he may ask you to cut strings with your best friend because he's worried about how you feel towards one another. Let your fiance down then take time with your best friend. Work at it slowly. Finaly, look at what you read, your answer is clearly staring at you in the face. Be brave and it will all be okAll the bestPhoebe
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