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I'm tormented by the fact that she's had a 'bigger' man than I

Tagged as: Sex, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 November 2009) 15 Answers - (Newest, 2 December 2009)
A male United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend has just recently told me (because my dum ass ask) that she was with a guy so thick she felt pain and once had to see the doctor. to me is like (lucky bastard) i guess i think that's like every man's dream to be able to just do that to or girl it most be a macho thing.

The problem is im just an average size. She has told me over and over how much she enjoys sex with me and that shes has never enjoy sex till now , that i make her feel So good..but i don't believe her ,i think she is just trying to make me feel better. I need to get this ugly thought out of my head ..i constantly think of a huge dick doin my girl.. what can i do PLEASE HELP ME I LOVE HER..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009):

hey man chill out sex isnt self concious. if she obviously isnt having sex with you she loves you and you shouldnt focus on how big you are bcz ur going to let tat ruin your relationship. if it really bothers you talk to her about it and mayb it helps if she doesnt tell you things lik that anymore

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009):

I agree with what everyone else said. It's stupid to want a penis so big that it would hurt your girlfriend. I think i may understand what you are TRYING to say - maybe that a man takes a lot of pride in having a big penis. But I think it's stupid to want a penis big enough to hurt someone you love. If she says she enjoys it, I don't see why she would lie about it. Get over it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009):

Think about being raped in the butt by a huge oversize dick. It doesn't sound like any fun, does it?

If a dick is way too big for a girl then I'll bet the feeling is not all that much different.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009):

Do you like choking and smacking around girls too?

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (28 November 2009):

DoubleM agony auntFirst of all, she's with YOU now, not him. Out of sight, out of mind.

And being big enough to hurt a girl, or even to make her uncomfortable, is not a good thing. I'm just a tad larger than what is considered about average, and was still turned down a couple of times because of it. Being about average can be an advantage.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009):

BimBim has it exactly right. She obviously didn't like it, (what girl would?) and that's why they're not together anymore.

Just because he hurt her doesn't necessarily mean it's because his penis was gigantic. There could be lots of reasons. He was inexperienced, she was inexperienced, they didn't use enough lube, she wasn't ready enough. I think both of you are just assuming the wrong thing here, and that you are blowing it way out of proportion.

She's also not saying all those things just to make you feel better.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009):

BimBim has it exactly right. She obviously didn't like it, (what girl would?) and that's why they're not together anymore.

Just because he hurt her doesn't necessarily mean it's because his penis was gigantic. There could be lots of reasons. He was inexperienced, she was inexperienced, they didn't use enough lube, she wasn't ready enough. I think both of you are just assuming the wrong thing here, and that you are blowing it way out of proportion.

She's also not saying all those things just to make you feel better.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (28 November 2009):

Aunty BimBim agony auntOh yeah, wouldn't it be great to have a big penis. It might hurt your girlfriend and send her to the doctor, but at least you would be able to show off in front of the other guys!

Come on now, which is more important?

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (28 November 2009):

Having sex with a guy with too large of a penis is not fun or satisfying. Obviously having sex with you, your girlfriend finds fun and satisfying and that's all that matters. It is just a "macho" thing to think, "Wow, he was soooo HUGE, that the girl didn't enjoy the sex and probably never wanted to have sex wtih him again." It's silly to think that way really. And just another piece of advice, don't ask your girlfriend about anymore of her past sexual experiences. It only now makes you wonder if you're adequate enough and gives you a different point-of-view of your girlfriend. Just drop it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009):

You are *****, I can't say it because moderators wouldn't let me post my answer then, but you can guess what. You think women like being in pain and not enjoy sex because a man is too big. You think that she's not honest that you actually make her enjoy sex for the first time, because obviously, all this crap sex she's had in the past must have been great. You see yourself how b*ll that is. Wake up and realize what a great girl you have and get your head out of your pants. And if your age is correct (36-40) I feel really sorry for you, because that question could have come from a 14 year old.

Women do NOT enjoy being in pain when they have sex, and NO you dick size doesn't have anything to do with your level of manliness. Try being mature instead.

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A female reader, TheSoulAsylum United Kingdom +, writes (28 November 2009):

TheSoulAsylum agony auntWell...the fact that she's with you, and not him proves something. Also, size isn't everything. I've been with men before that've been big enough to actually cause me pain. The fact that she had to go to the doctors because of this should not make you jealous of him in any way, haha. Her being with him is now in the past, and you're her present. Possibly a future, so relax, and have fun (:

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A male reader, baddogbj China +, writes (28 November 2009):

baddogbj agony auntYou dumbass! You think it would be nice to cause girls pain with an oversized dick?! There is a small percentage of women to whom a big dick really matters - maybe 10-15% although with a substantial variation from country to country - but for the rest it is just an inconvenience. Do you think that your girlfriend found it a sexy experience to go to the doctor? Also bear in mind that if you are too big to fit comfortbly through the front door then your chances of getting in through the tradesmans' entrance is much lower still.

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A female reader, domybest United Kingdom +, writes (28 November 2009):

Why would you want to be so big that you cause your girlfriend pain? Its not a good thing to be like that.

She is more than likely telling you she enjoying sex for the first time because she genuinely is!

The biggest turn off is someone who is unconfident and questioning themselves. Be confident, you satisfy her, she has told you that. So you should be happy! :)

Enjoy!x

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (28 November 2009):

Seriously? You think it would be good to be so big that you can't please your girlfriend, and that she won't have sex with you?

I know a guy who met a girl and he was just too big for her. In the end he had to dump her because she refused to have sex with him after the first (failed) try.

She's with you because she actually ENJOYS sex with you.

The only people who care about the size of your penis are you and other men.

Realise that being good in bed is the best thing and stop thinking about it.

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, MsFrankie United Kingdom +, writes (28 November 2009):

MsFrankie agony auntI'm sorry but I think that you're being a bit ridiculous. This man made her GO TO THE DOCTOR and CAUSED HER PAIN. You seriously want to make your girlfriend be in pain and have to see a physician? This was NOT a nice experience for her so why oh why is it making you feel inadequate? I hope to god that what you are saying about it being every man's dream to this this to a girl is not true. This is just a stupid ego thing and has absolutely no grounding in reality and absolutely nothing to do with your girlfriend's sexual pleasure - this - above all - should be your concern. If she had had amazing sex before and you were not squaring up then I could understand your concern but she is not saying that at all.

Let me say that from a woman's perspective - good sex has very little to do with size. Men with very small penises can make better lovers than men with huge ones. Fact. I'm not saying this to make you feel better. Size. really. doesn't. matter. What matters is being with someone mature enough to get over themselves, have a bit of self confidence, and realise that the person they are sleeping with, is sleeping with them because they like them - and they find them sexually attractive. If I ever thought that my boyfriend had some bizarre fantasy to hurt me to swell his ego I would be thoroughly disgusted and he would be my boyfriend no more. Seriously, get over yourself - be a nice boyfriend - listen to what your girlfriend is actually saying - be proud of what you've got and realise that a big penis can sometimes, honestly, be a bad thing.

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