A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help! am i going insane? It all started exactly about a year and a half. I went to argentina and met a wonderful boy. We became best friends and are now dating. However, as a young teenager i suffered from some bad relationships and it made me very defensive (I was cheated on, sexually abused (by a family member) and at one point abandoned) but little by little he has gained my trust. We are now a year together and our relationship has gotten more serious. I used to be a very cheery, friendly girl and used to play the guitar player, avid reader, good student, into sports and video games and very dedicated to my family. However, with him i see nothing but him as a necessity. He recently left again for college and I'm going insane crying. It's like i can't be without him for a few days. Even my various interests are not good enough. I feel lonely; like I miss half of myself when he's not here. I refuse to go out, visit friends, read or anything else my grades even dropped too. I stick myself to my laptop waiting to talk to him. Can anyone offer advice? at this point even my boyfriend tries to soothe me but i feel like I'm just clingy and will eventually drive him away. I seem to go far as to over analyze things and I want to have him all to myself. At one point I was even upset he left me for his family for a weekend. Or if i dont know about something and i learn about it through someone else i get upset he keeps things from me. I'm so scared now, very scared of myself. Because i dont want to cling to him but at the same time i can no longer help it. Do i end my relationship? how do i keep myself happy when he's far? how do i stop being clingy? Is there a solution?
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female
reader, tigsby  +, writes (5 January 2009):
It sounds like you are head over heels in love, and that is a good thing, but you must keep things in perspective, spending time apart is essential for a healthy, happy relationship, and by being too clingy can drive some people insane! It sounds like you and your boyfriend are very close and he understands what you have been through in life. Why not set some ground rules, like times you speak online, and stick to it, this should stop your mind doing overtime, and take it one step at a time.
I hope everything works out well for you.
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (5 January 2009):
 All love begins within you, who is your number one in the whole world... Him? ... NO! its you! You need to find all the things you like doing like reading, sports video games, do it in your own time and love everything you do. it will help. because at the end of the day thats what he probably loves about you.
Secondly, how can you be so clingy if he's so far away? do you call him alot? If so just call him once a week and in between do all the things you love to do. Make it a random day each week or the same day like every sunday evening (very romantic) and if he misses your call then thats his bad luck he has to wait another week. he will probably try to call you anyway.
just take it easy at the mo because you don't want to seem obsessive even thought you love him very much, be cool.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): one thing i know is guys dont like clingy type of girls, most see this as a sign of you wanting them to be committed,hectic but true,,
you need to show him and yourself that you dont belittle yourself despite what you have been through, i symphasize with you on that matter, but this the point where you need to draw your strengh and stop depending on other people for survival,
good luck
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A
male
reader, pinkey1981 +, writes (5 January 2009):
Oh man does hit home for me. Im a very clingy person myself and have experienced the same things you are going through now. NO YOU DONT END YOUR RELATIONSHIP. You guys spent alot of time being close to each other and now you naturally miss that. Take my advice. You have friends, go see them OFTEN. Break yourself from the cpu and get some air. You need it. You have to break the cycle or you will probably drive him away. Now....there may else at play her. Do you obsess over stuff? I found out i was ocd which answered alot of the questions i had for being clingy, and a over analyze freak. Not much can be done about it. Just confide in friends and spend alot of time with em. Youll see that the lonelyness will subside to a managable level and you will be able to actually function. The hardest part is just taking that first step away from your home. After that it gets easier. Have fun and realize that even though you live in each others worlds you still need some life outside of him. You will be a happy person I promise.
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