| A
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Dear cupids. I am very disturbed by my husband's family. They are really causing problems in my marriage. It seems they want to heap all financial responsibilities on my husband. We support my MIL and FIL monthly and also pay university fees for my husband's sister and which she claims as a right, never appreciating . Whenever my MIL falls sick we always hav t foot th bills. I have reached a point wher i suspect that sometimes she pretends to be sick jus so my husband can give her money. Ther is now a pattern. By the way my hubby works outside our country. Whenever he is home, my MIL will fall sick and ask for money which my husband dutifully sends. Always. It now seems my husband does not put our own family first. Whenever his mom calls, nomatter wht we hav planned, we have t channel that money to her. I feel sh is manipulating him jus for her own selfish gains bcz sh knows he always says yes to her demands. My husband has an older brother and and 2 other sisters who are married and another sister who is a single mum. All these are of age and in some employment, but it seems the focus is now on my husband because he recently got a new job outside the country. I just feel that we are not progressing as a family, as we have t sacrifice our own needs for his family. Most of our earnings go his family. At times even our own personal savings have to go too. Initially they would call me and when i told them no,they would call my husband who will say yes even if h knows we hav made our own plans. And will instruct me to give them th money. Then i have no option but to give them . so now they think i refuse with money when i have it. And prefer asking their son who wll always give. This is really affecting me as at times i have t let go of even my business earnings and foregore my own personal plans. We have one child, a 4 year old daughter. I jus feel th burden is too much for one person and i jus dont know how to handle this. Its frustrating. I tried talking to my husband, h will understand and agree with me when we are alone, but whenever his mum calls he will never say no. I do not wish to hav any problems with my husband 's family but i am really tired of their unreasonable and unending demands ,despite all that we do for them. Help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 1busybee  +, writes (22 September 2012):
You are married now. Marriage is a partnership similar to a business. Sit your husband down before it is too late. You need to write down all concerns especially paying a tuition outside your own family. Will his family pay your child's tuition, I doubt it. Set reasonable boundaries and reasonable expenses. All his family ie., siblings must divide expenses evenly for his family. Discuss each specific issue, compromise find solutions for each problem. Talk, ask for help if you need financial mediation get it with an expert.Your marriage will not survive otherwise.
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