A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been reading a few questions people have asked on here about telling a guy their with that they are a virgin, well thing is i'm stuck on whether I should or even when. Because IF some guys see it as a conquest, then how do I know that he isn't one of them...He's a really nice guy, probably the most attentive, funniest and best guy i've ever met. I'm so sure of him, that I know he'll be the first for me. I mean, I've been ready for months and months, just now I've found someone who I actually feel comfortable to sleep with and I'm not second guessing it. That was until, I thought what if I tell him too early in that I haven't had sex yet, what if he sees it as a challenge and I end up being screwed over after. How do you know if the guy isn't that type and when should I tell him, I nearly say it and then I stop myself because I don't know if I should yet.... And what if he's put off from that and doesn't want the pressure of being the first? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 September 2012):
 I think that if you are close enough that things are getting heated you MUST tell him before you actually go to bed...
and I agree totally with YouWish...
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (18 September 2012):
He definitely needs to know - certainly before the clothes start coming off, but perhaps not too much before you're ready for him to take your clothes off.
More importantly - and before you tell him you're a virgin - he has to know, and accept, what sex means to you.
If he's "put off by the pressure" of being your first, he's not a good choice for your first. (But, if he isn't put off by the pressure, that's no guarantee that he is a good choice for your first.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): I was in this same situation myself a few months ago. In the end, I just screwed up the courage to tell him and hoped everything worked out. It was sooo awkward trying to tell him and I think he was surprised but now its great cos he loves the idea of being my first but knows not to rush me or anything. I think that if you're really sure about your guy you should definitely tell him because you want to make sure he doesnt get any surprises and knows to be easy with you. In saying that, you do need to be a bit careful because there are some guys who will screw you over. It happened to a friend of mine. Maybe if he seems like he is trying to rush you into it then be wary but it he is happy to take it slow then you should be fine. I hope that wasnt too confusing. I think you should definitely tell him anyway. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (15 September 2012):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) You know if they are the right guy by the way they act and the way they look towards you. The way they make you smile and the way you share laughs.. If you want to tell him you are a virgin, then go ahead, if he acts like a coward and wants you for sex then he can quite clearly screw off! By what I've read I think you should have faith in him, I think you should also have faith and believe that he won't do that to you. Think it through before you say it, no one's rushing you but yourself at this point. :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 September 2012):
 If he's a real "guy" then you represent a conquest. There's no getting past that.....
The REAL ISSUE is.... do you want to be "conquered" (the first time) by a real A-hole? ... or by a real NICE GUY?
If the former..... then offer yourself to any jerk you encounter.....
IF the latter..... and IF you'd like to have a great "boyfriend" who you can spend time with, enjoy, enjoy times together.... and - maybe - sometime in the future... share intimacy..... then THAT's the guy who you can allow to conquer you...
Good luck....
P.S. There's really NO good time to blurt out to ANY guy;
"Hey, I'm a virgin, you know!!!
P.P.S. EXCEPT your gynecologist.... but he is likely to find out, anyway!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): That depends how do you feel about telling him? When you think about telling him does your gut say no don't it do you get that feeling only when you decide not to tell him? I suppose if you're not sure, just come right out and it or don't and wait and see how much he try's to have sex with you.
I came out and said it, but my boyfriend was the first for everything from a hug - to a kiss and everything in between. 10 months later we still havent had sex haha I know it bugs him but I think he gets why it hasn't happened yet.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 September 2012):
 You should tell him. Then, take your time and don't just jump into sex.
I say this because, if he's the type of guy who views something like that as a conquest of challenge, it'll become apparent that he's not into you as a person, thus you'll be able to weed him out.
Guys who are put off about being a woman's first aren't there for the relationship anyways, and you don't want to let your first time be given to a guy who's just after a casual bit of fun anyway, do you?
No, be yourself, tell the guy, and take your time. Virgin or no, you do not have to automatically have sex with someone. Not only that, but you don't want to tell him right before you actually have sex, because believe me, he's going to know you're a virgin if you wait until sex without telling him.
Most guys tend to get serious with girls after finding out they're virgins. The ones who bail upon hearing it are the ones who would screw you over anyways because they reveal what they're after.
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