A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What should I do? I was in a long term relationship and got dumped the other month, I got lots of abusive texts saying disgusting things about me and then the next I was getting texts saying miss you and love you, I replied and got ignored for days so I started to ignore him as I was hurting a lot and fed up with the mind games. I want my ex to face me and give me awnsers and to admit there was somebody else all along. I know if he truly loved me he would be with me. I need closure so I can move on, I'm fed with him hiding behind his phone and playing mind games. Oh he texted saying he wasn't well etc yet my friend saw him all dressed up going to the pub( yeah he really is missing me). I feel low and I stupidly lost friends because my ex didn't like them so I chose him over them. When I think back over our time together he was more nasty to me then nice and was always on his phone when with me or went outside to awnser his phone . The other year a taxi driver told me he was seen staggering drunk with a old alckiie and they looked very cosy, I was so mad and hurt and rang him , he told me it wasn't him .. Months later he changes the story to it being his auntie. Guys and gals please help me x
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2018): [EDIT]:
"It's just a drama-queen's performance that really has no true impact on the situation; except to drag-out the inevitable."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2018): I get so fed-up with the misuse of the word "closure." It's misused in this context as well. He couldn't play mind-games; unless you gave him the ways and means to do so!
Your jealousy and possessiveness will not allow you to let-go. So you keep reading his messages and accepting his contact; with the lame excuse you're demanding some explanation of why he's such an asshole, and if he's with somebody? Well, assume he IS with somebody; but it's not YOU!
Talking sh*t and being verbally-abusive towards me, would be more than enough closure for me.
I wouldn't care if he was dating and screwing Satan's conjoined twin-sister! In-fact, I'd hope that was the case! As long he was long-gone and out of my life! I would delete his number, and block his calls! I would pretend he was abducted by hostile aliens from a distant galaxy; or fell into a sink-hole to hell! Just so I could purge him out of my system.
"Closure" usually means some long drawn-out dramatic discussion full of tears, pleas, and unnecessary exchanges of insults. Trying to convince someone who dumped you not to dump you, the opposing-argument refusing to accept their explanation for why they dumped you; or begging and pleading your case for them to come back after you've dumped them!
It's a total waste of time and energy. It's just a drama-queen's performance that really has no true impact on the situation; accept to drag-out the inevitable. You weren't meant to be together, there are too many problems for the relationship to survive, and you have to make yourself move on. It's not his job to convince you to!
Although telling me he loves me, so I can get my hopes up; only to have explosive-diarrhea all over those words the next time we talk!!! I mean that would make me want to never see or hear from him ever again!
Closure?!! Are you kidding me???
You're the one playing mind-games on yourself. Lying to yourself that you only need closure. When the truth is, you want him back; but you know he's a piece of sh*t! You are consumed by the obsession that he's with someone, or has always been with someone behind your back. A true-confession wouldn't give you closure, it would only stoke the drama!
Create your own closure by deciding this is it, and you want him out of your life! Once and for all! You want no reminders!
Clean house! Throw-out his pictures, gifts (of no true value); or pawn anything with value, or sell it on Ebay.
Bad-boyfriends don't usually give you anything of real value or quality; because they know you'll have to kick them to curb eventually. So burn or fill a garbage bag full of those cheap stupid mementos you've been cluttering your home with.
For closure!
True closure is when your own subconscious-mind has accepted the reality that the relationship is dead and over. You're mature and intelligent enough to see that to be the case; by all the evidence in-front of you. He's gone! Good riddance!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 May 2018):
 He'll never give you the satisfaction, and your ego-driven desire to be proven right at all costs is playing right into his hands EXACTLY
He's been caught in lies, his words mean nothing so you don't need even more of them.
He can't contact you if you've blocked him. He can't play games with you if he can't reach you.
If you need to wean yourself of him then do it privately. Get on with your daily life then allow yourself 15 minutes or half an hour, every so often, to look at his old photos and be sad, or angry. That allows you to take control of your grief and anger and not let it control you. Eventually, as you find new things to fill that void you'll spend less and less thinking about him.
He can't play games with a willing participant. If you choose to be that person you're no better than he is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2018): He's giving you answers. He's not treating you like a human being, he's using your masochism to make himself feel better.
I'd spend time examining why you didn't realize he was treating you like crap all along and make better choices for your future relationships. Stop letting him walk all over you, learn to accept better treatment from others.
It's common knowledge that when someone starts insulting you and giving you mixed signals, you cut them off and run for the hills. Yet you hang on his every action. Do you love yourself so little?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 May 2018):
 You don’t need answers.
You need to block him. That’s your closure, it’s over. Treat the situation as such. He keeps contacting you because you’re enabling him to. If he’s blocked then he can’t message you, simple.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 May 2018):
 Sick of the mind games? Easy. Stop him contacting you. Block him in any way he can contact you. Take back control of your life and your peace of mind.
You are an adult woman. This guy has done nothing but treat you badly. You no longer have to put up with that but old habits die hard, eh?
Open your eyes and realize you no longer have to take abuse from him (you never did but, for whatever reason, you chose to do so). He is still living rent-free inside your head. Evict him and change the locks so he cannot get back in (i.e. block him and tell anyone who thinks they are doing you a favour by telling you what he is up to that he is in your past for a reason and you are not interested).
I promise, if you take back control and refuse to allow him to manipulate you, you will feel so much better. Come on, you can do this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 May 2018):
 JUST block him !
He is an ex for a reason, he seems like a loser too. WHAT is there for you to hold on to?
Sure you want closure, but HE isn't going to give you that. YOU have to find that for yourself. And really giving all his antics, nastiness and stupidity it shouldn't be HARD to figure out that HE wasn't a good partner and that it's ACTUALLY a good thing it's over.
For you right now "closure" is a unicorn. And you are chasing it even though it doesn't exist. It's also a CONVENIENT excuse for you to keep tabs on him and let him stay in contact (when it suits him).
OP, you are in your 30's which means you are a GROWN ASS WOMAN, act like one. What does that mean? It means you KNOW what to do. You know BLOCKING him from contact gives you a better chance at moving forward, not checking up on his gives you a better chance at moving forward. But you don't WANT to move forward, you want this loser back. Maybe because you don't want to do all the work to build a new relationship? Or because you think he is all you can get.
Wake up and smell the coffee. YOU can do better than this ex, but if you WANT better you need to stop looking over your shoulder to him and to your past - focus on the here and now and the future - he shouldn't be in EITHER of those scenarios.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2018): "I want my ex to face me and give me awnsers and to admit there was somebody else all along."
He'll never give you the satisfaction, and your ego-driven desire to be proven right at all costs is playing right into his hands. He knows you're still hung up on him and he is using that knowledge to continue to manipulate you because he can.
If you really are tired of your ex's manipulative behavior then stop allowing it. He's your ex because HE dumped you; cut him out of your life, move on, put your ego in check and stop insisting on being right on your terms.
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