A
male
age
41-50,
*olordrops
writes:I've been dating a beautiful and smart woman for a year and a half now. After a rough start, it's been for the most part really good. But she is a bit bi-polar. When she's not working, she's the most wonderful woman in the world, but when she has a job, she becomes so mean. She can't handle stress. Recently with some other things going on with her family compounding the situation, she gets pissed off at me if I answer the phone with "Hello" instead of my normal "Hi". She really turns into a monster when she's on her period. During these times she drinks heavily with her coworkers and becomes an extremely sloppy drunk, and she or I usually gets injured when she gets home. When the stress level goes down, she becomes a normal person again, but I really am getting tired of these episodes. Talking to her doesn't help, because it seems to be an issue with her physicality, not completely her mind. What should I do?
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male
reader, Rather Arch  +, writes (22 December 2015):
She's clearly an alcoholic. Alcoholism is the curse that keeps on giving. But don't blame her. You are the enabler. You're both messed up. You both need time and guidance to change. I recommend the 12 steps. It's mostly free and "if you work it, it works". Also, meditation can have a profound and positive effect. Just a few weeks of a few minutes a day, according to one study, has dramatic effects. This is not about her or your relationship but rather your bad patterns within the relationship. Meditation would be better. You're in the right place, China. Go find a buddhist center. Forget the sentimentality and romantic constructs.
A
male
reader, colordrops +, writes (27 October 2007):
colordrops is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, I'm already seeing things more clearly based on your responses. To clarify, the injuries usually involve her drunkenly falling or crashing into things, though I once injured my hand trying smashing open the glass to open the bathroom door after she fell while inside - no injuries from fighting. I'm an American living in China, and she's a Korean girl I met in Chinese class. The drinking aspect is something that she can't escape because it's part of Korean work culture. As for taking her to see a doctor... I don't even know where to find one here (Beijing) or how it would be accepted by her. I've been wary of psychiatrists myself, so I don' know how to suggest that she go see one. Anyway, a few of you hit the nail on the head understanding what is happening here. It seems the general consensus is to at least help her become aware of her symptoms. Then we can work from there. Thanks!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): This isn't being Bi-Polar - it's PMS (or PMT) whichever you like) - and it's certainly not uncommon.
Go and get her some Evening Primrose Oil from the chemists or health food shops and see if that makes any difference.
What's the difference between a woman with PMT and a Rottweiler? Answer - Lipstick.
Phil
(:o)
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A
female
reader, BZ  +, writes (27 October 2007):
 I myself suffer from bi-polar and severe depression from time to time (it's one or the other... trigger and environment pending). I've just suffered a relationship breakup because of issues and day to day pressures from the both of us suffering depression, and whilst I went to a doctor, got back on meds, my partner said he was going to go but never made it and consequently didn't address his issues which were brining the relationship down. Because of that, I had to think of myself and make the break in order to heal and find myself again.
I'd suggest that you talk to her openly about her behaviour. If she is anything like my ex, then she would deny until she maybe eventually admits to needing help - even then you can't be guaranteed she will seek help. The bottom line is (no matter how difficult it is to hear) that you need to worry about yourself and how her behaviour affects you... because if you get dragged down because of the negativity, you won't be any use to anyone, including her.
This is a journey she might well have to take herself - for herself... because you can't force someone to address a problem if they refuse to help themselves.
Hope that provides some clarity and comfort, you're not alone in this situation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): That sounds so similar to my situation I could have wrote it my self with out changing a word
I met my wife when I was 21 at the time I had no idea the reason she could barley get out of bed some days was due to clinical depression
It was not until after our first child that she was diagnosed and got medication which have side effects that are a whole story again
she also has a problem with alcohol a problem drinker does not have to drink often to have a drinking problem it just has to be a problem when they drink.
My wife is leaving me this week due in part to the side effects from the Meds (emotional detachment, sexual dysfunction)the desire to party (drink) and inability to commit herself to me, how can you commit to somebody else when you can not commit to your self.
Think about the future and choose now what you know you can live with latter.
best wishes
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 October 2007):
 Take her to a doctor for proper diagnosis. It sounds as if it were bi polar, stress seems to be it's trigger. I'm thinking their may be a form of "situational anxiety disorder"
It sounds to me as you're her release. People with these disorders have to release stress, and you're the one available for her to do it. It's hard for them too because as we sort and release stress in a normal fashion these individuals allow the whole day to build up, then be released as an internal explosion.
Therapy is needed, and learning how to recognize the symptoms and how to develop different methods to release her stress in a constructive manner.
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A
female
reader, Rain1961  +, writes (27 October 2007):
Looks like she is in a depression and just doesn't know she is in. Why not talk her into getting psychiatric treatment?
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