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male
age
30-35,
*LamentedxAmourx
writes:What do I do when being away from her is way too much to take? It almost feels like it is not worth the pain. Most of which relates to me being convinced that she is cheating, or wants someone else. Even as I left her today, she acted different. When her mom dropped me off, she did not even look back at me. I just do not care about anything but her, yet she is not happy or something, and I know I am not good enough. What do I do when being away from her is way too much to take? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): Any time. I do this because I want to. We all do. Stay connected as long as you want.
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reader, xLamentedxAmourx +, writes (5 November 2007):
xLamentedxAmourx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Alright, maybe I can get a friend in, as my family agrees with what she is doing. And I was joking about the car thing. I am tying to let her go, it is hard but.. no I can not even say that I can right now. I guess I am tying though. Many thanks Tom.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): My sympathies about the break, but try to keep your perspective. It may well have been for the best. No, I am not suggesting you be a "bad ass". I know these things can be delicate. Use maturity, but try to communicate to your mom that you need more space of your own. You need to be preparing for adulthood. Are there any adult male relatives or friends who might talk with her about your situation? No, you should never drive her car without permission. She could report it as theft. I hope things will work out for you. I do understand. Being a teenager can be difficult enough. But, do try to get some support. You can't do this on your own.
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reader, xLamentedxAmourx +, writes (29 October 2007):
xLamentedxAmourx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell she broke up with me, so that was apparent. Yes, it is for my mom's wishes, however I also wanted to be home schooled. I was hoping I could get back into her public school, however, I doubt that would be the best of ideas right now. Yes she is in public school, and does all of that.. party and rather hand out with friends bullshit. Not that it matters anymore. I see, well when I am 16 I will be sure to get a job straight off. I need something to do besides sulk about her leaving me. I have tried to "cut the cord" but she takes it to emotionally. Then if I act all bad ass about it, she threatens to call the police for disobedience. So that situation is hopeless. No I did not know that, and it is not stealing if it is under her name and I am her son and I drive it with a license and return it back home, eh? I can get to my job and stuff then, maybe pay "Dear heart" a visit and try to fix it. Thanks for the best of luck Tom.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Lamented, I doubt she knows at fifteen, that she is "officially" anything. I take it that you homeshcool at your parents' (Mom's) wishes. Do you wish it were otherwise? And have you stated your wishes? I also take it that "dear heart" attends public school and has many friends and all that goes with the social interaction. Are you aware that at sixteen, you cannot be forced to homeschool against your will? You can request to attend public school, and your parent cannot legally prevent you....Not trying to cause problems between you and your mom, but you are fifteen years old, and you need to start asserting yourself. And it is not your hair that is preventing you from having a part-time job. You are not yet sixteen. Think about what you want to do and let your wishes be known. I have a sense that your mom is a little "over-protective", or whatever. Well, somebody is going to have to "cut the cord" sometime very soon. It probably will not be your mom. So, who does that leave? And nobody can prevent you from getting a driver's liscense at sixteen. They can only prevent you from owning a car. Oh, well, you know more about your situation than anyone else. Best wishes.
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reader, xLamentedxAmourx +, writes (27 October 2007):
xLamentedxAmourx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat is exactly my point. She is WAY over confident in telling me that. So I know she has, at least once, cheated on me. But then again I do not care, as long as she was happy. It just bothers me that she made a huge deal about not cheating on me, and now she officially knows she is Bi.
I guess you can say it is sacred to me, I know she cares for me and all, but not sure to what extent. She says she would do anything for me, yet she fought with me when I asked her not to start drugs.
My mom does not know my problems with her, to tell you the truth, she hates her because she found out we have been having sex. She hates me that I have, yet again, took a girls virginity. However, all the relationships were that has happened, I cared for the girls and they eventually left me.
I feel that same way about the phone, but I can not really do anything about it. I do not have a phone, and I have no way of getting a job. No one takes me because of my hair, or whatever.
How can I not been keen? My mom even said after I am 16 she will not let me get my license. Everything seems to be hopeless to fix my relationship...
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): You say the relationship you share is sacred and that you love each other. Then she should not be making you feel insecure by telling you she is 'BI' (she's very confident of this fact at her age, so I take it she has had relations with a woman rather than it being merely a feeling she knows to have). Also, she gives you hints that she wants to be with other people - no wonder your mum doesn't like her. I don't like the sound of her much either. But then, it's your love life and you are happy with being her man (more than happy). You sound quite lovely and very intense. The only thing to do is to wait until you are 16 and schedule your time to enable you to be with her more. However, sometimes it's important to listen to our gut instinct. She never looked back at you when her mum picked her up? That's the sort of thing that would bother me too (but others might find ridiculous) so I can completely understand what you mean. We pick up on things and have to analyse them and make sense of what they mean before we can relax. It's harder for you, of course, because you can only see her for short periods. Personally, I don't think your mum has the right to tell you, at 15, how long you can speak to her for. Don't you have a mobile? I take it that you don't, but it might be an idea to get one with free texts so you can communicate with her more freqently. Remember though, don't be too keen or you might just push her away. Best of luck x
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reader, xLamentedxAmourx +, writes (27 October 2007):
xLamentedxAmourx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut she is my girl, dude. Why after almost a year, would she not be comfortable with me? As for staying home a while and dieing, I have been doing that for a few years. I am home schooled and can only see her one a week ... IF I am lucky. You see, my mom does not like her very much. So I can only talk to her for an hour a day, so I can not be there for her when she needs me. I would be there, but this once a week thing seems to hurt both her and I. This not being able to talk to her for more than an hour is hurting us. And when I do get to see her, it is only for five hours or so. She gos out and hangs with other guys and girls. She is Bi, so it makes me feel uncomfortable. She gives me hints that she wants to be with other people, but she says she does not want to hurt me. I just do not know what to do when she is away. The relationship we share is sacred, and we love each other. My not being there is pushing her away, and it pains me gravely. We are not just "more than friends", as you put it. She is my love, lover, partner, best friend, and we have plans for the future together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): Hey, Lamented, stand up straight and tall. You have a friend who was more than a friend for you. And maybe you were more than a friend for her. But, she is not comfortable with you now as "more than a friend". "C'est la vie, c'est la guerre". My guess is that you will have many more young lady friends in the next few years that you will also be "more than friends" with. At least, I hope so. So, stay home for a while... and die a little bit. We have all been there, young bro. There is no shame. But this "death" is not permanent. It will pass. You don't see how it can now, but it will. Sooner than you know. That is the best I can do. But, believe me, I know where you are now. It ain't fun, but it is life.
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