A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over a year. We are both in high school as of now and we have always planned to finish off together and then continue to be in this relationship for the rest of our lives. We constantly talk about getting married one day and to be honest, the idea sounds perfect to me. I can easily say that I am in love with this kid and he shows that he loves me right back. However, he frustrates me to no end. His parents are very strict so he has to always ask before he can hang out. In school (usually monday or tuesday) we plan out what we are going to do that weekend. Then friday rolls around and I ask him if our plans are going to go through and he tells me that he still hasnt asked yet. He keeps me waiting and then i dont know what to do because if he cant hang out, im all alone... By that time its too late to ask my girlfriends to hang out because they already have their plans set. I get so annoyed with it because i feel like hes putting it off because he doesnt care or he just doesnt want to hang out. When I confront him about the situation every week he says the same thing.. "I'm just waiting for the right time to ask." Now I have NO idea what that is supososed to mean because how can you not find a right time to ask all week?!?! Then the only thing he has to say is sorry. I'm not really sure what I'm asking here. I guess it's just like for advice on what I can do about this because I'm tired of feeling like he doesn't want to be with me. =/ Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 Sweetheart you don't live in a controlled household like his so it is hard for you to understand.
If his parents are very restrictive then he just doesn't want to upset them and you don't know what sort of consequences he faces if they don't agree with his plans.
You are obviously very lucky with your parents as they must be more laid back about what you do on weekends.
Some parents are over protective with their children and don't want them to be corrupted in any way or put in any danger, who knows they may have had a terrible experience themselves or with one of their children in the past. Are they very religious or something?
There could be a number of reasons. He is trying his best but it is obviously very hard for him to make plans.
Why not say, look I realise your folks are very controlling but I don't want you to constantly feel under pressure to do something with me on weekends, but I need to make alternative plans early on in the week. When the time is right then I know we will spend some time together OK.
At the end of the day you are so young to try to make plans for the rest of your lives. Life just isn't like that and you never know what is just around the corner. Life throws you a few curve balls sometimes, there are times when you can dodge them and others when they smack you right in the face.
Don't plan your life out - go more with the flow, I know we make our own destiny to a degree but there also has to be a fun element to our lives with unpredictability thrown in to.
You love him right now but that may change in the next 6 or 12 months so don't miss out on life but cut him some slack to and don't make him feel so guilty just plan ahead and let him know what you are doing for now and just see what happens. If you go out a couple of weekends with your girlfriends he may amaze you and then build up enough courage to ask his folks so you get some quality time together. He may even feel a little jealous that you are still having fun with others instead of him. It may just work. Try and see what happens OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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