A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am so confused??? I am in love with a guy that says he wants to be with me just not right now. This has been going on for two years. I give him money and we have a child together. He does not take care of her. He was also in a serious relationship that i had no idea about at the time. He thinks that i will always be there, i try to prove him wrong but i keep lettin him back in my life. Please help, im tired and i feel used. Im a sweet person with a good heart and i think i love him. My past abuse from my stepfather has me really inscure and i think thats why i cant let go. I just dont kno.....:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): I say leave that useless guy alone and take him to court so he can get a job and pay you child support. Please forget about him, anytime a man doesn't care about his own child he sure won't care about you, find yourself a nice man that will love you and your child.. Do you want to go thru life loving a man that don't give a $..t about you or your child, move on, its hard but you gotta move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): Well its easy to say no, just keep saying it,don't let this useless man abuse your feelings any longer.Lay down ground rules,take control.
You need to sort out your issues with regard to your step-father too.Seek help.
Both these men have hurt you emotionally and its time to stop feeling thats all your worth. Your a mother, so show your child a strong happy woman who is in control. There are good men out there and you deserve one, so break the cycle.You can do it.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 "If you're tired of being used, then STOP allowing yourself to be used!"
Absolutely agree!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): If you're tired of being used, then STOP allowing yourself to be used! no one is putting a gun to your head and making you do what you are doing. He obviously does not want to be with you, he's only hanging around in case his first choice doesn't pan out, and maybe also out of guilt to you and because he's taking money from you. His feelings will not change. You can't change someone else. The only person you can change is yourself. It's time to stop focusing on what he's doing wrong because that won't get you anywhere, and time to start moving forward in your life by making changes in yourself. You're responsible for your own life.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 March 2012):
 I agree regarding therapy and your stepfather, but you must not consider him when you make decisions regarding your life.
First of all, this guy who's stringing you along? Why is he not giving YOU money in the form of child support? Why are you giving him money?!?
He's preying on you. Don't give him another cent. Not one more cent. Your relationship with him should only consist of his parental duties to your daughter. If he's not there for her, he's not there for you.
The problem is the fact that you're in love with him. That's like saying you love scabies, or rabies, or better yet, cancer. This guy is killing you emotionally, but you still love him. He doesn't love you back. He's using you for money, sex, and giving nothing. He is a PARASITE.
Parasites take from you and do not give back. Parasites will keep taking until you're either dead, or you destroy them. You need to destroy all traces of his influence and presence from your life.
Go get help if you don't have the ability to tell him to take a hike, give you child support, and leave you alone.
Your child comes first. Love your child and vow that this pattern never again be repeated. Ever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): hi :) the first thing you should know is that you are not alone. No matter how isolated you feel, always remember that there are people that love you. I know this will be something that you don't want to hear, but this guy doesn't sound any good to you. You have a child that he doesn't take care of, he takes your money and he offers you no promise of a future. You owe it to yourself and your child to find someone to love you both, it could be confusing for your child to grow up having a Dad that comes and goes. As far as your step-father issues are concerned, I suggest you see a therapist, if only once, to talk about your issues and work towards resolving them. If you are insecure it won't benefit your child. Be confident in your own abilities and start putting you and your child first. Tell him that he needs to step up or he won't be able to see either of you. Find someone to love you both, you deserve that much :)
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