A
female
age
30-35,
*weetSmoochy
writes:My mom is bipolar, and I've been trying to take care of her since before I can remember. My dad was a workaholic, so he was never home to do it. About 3 years ago, he started trying to rejoin the family. Now, he takes care of her, like he should, but I'm still here to help her. The problem is, now I want to have friends and a life outside of the house. I've never had that, the way I grew up has made me very isolated from other people my age. I've made a few friends and have had a boyfriend for almost a year. I still want to be a part of my family, but I also want to be allowed to be a kid and to discover myself. I feel like I'm not allowed to have that. I go out once or twice a week, and every time I go out, my mother punishes me for it by being cold, picking fights, taking things away from me, or accusing me of abandoning the family, even though I'm home by curfew and do my chores. She denies she does this. I feel hurt by her words and actions and trapped by the decision she's forcing on me. Aside form that, I'm leaving for college in a year. As it is, I want to leave and never ever come back. I don't want to feel that way. She's extremely unreasonable due to her illness, and my father, while he tries, has little energy left from trying to care for her. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't want to abandon her, but it's not fair that I have to sacrifice everything to be my mother's mother. What am I supposed to do?
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (23 July 2011):
 Well i do hope things get better for you as i know what it feels like for things to kinda be arkward at home and yes the emotional turmoil is horrible.
I hope that you and your mum can try and find some sort of agreement and best of luck when you leave for college in a year. x take care
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (23 July 2011):
SweetSmoochy is verified as being by the original poster of the question She is on medication. They recently upped it and she's doing better, but she's still weird when I go out. I'm not sure if that's ever gonna get better.
It's partially my fault because I had been happy just being at home for 15 years, and then suddenly I wanted other things. I kind of shocked her with it.
I've been continuing to go out and do things. I just don't like the turmoil. Ugh.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (22 July 2011):
This is not at all fair on you ! you need a break and you need your own life, your mother needs to understand that are you not just there to look after her.
I have lived with my family members who have all sorts of different mental illness's including bipolar but none of them have ever been dependent on there children.
I beleive your mother may well be taking advantage of your kindness to be there for her and look after her. Maybe now you are a teenager she is frightened that you will leave her and she wont have anyone like you to look after her. She may well be afraid she will miss you too much and be lonely without you, as when a child grows up and is getting ready to go make there own living and go into world on there own, mothers can think that there children may well..almost forget about them (maybe thats why she doesnt like you going out).
I know that bipolar can be a horrible disorder as when your mother has mood swings it can be very hard to deal with and i think you have great admiration for looking after your mother this long.
Personally i think you should sit down with your mother and tell her that she has nothing to worry about because you will always be in her life but you need a life of your own, maybe even look into a part time carer for you mum when you are gone if she likes the idea of it ? Tell her that you want to be aloud to go out more and have more friends of your own age. Do not let her push you around as your soul purpose is not just to look after her if she does not like you wanting to have your own life then that is her problem and is a fact she will have to learn to deal with as you get older. Failing that talk to your dad about it maybe he might understand you better.
Also is your mother taking the right mediacation ? and maybe it would be a good idea for you mum to think about other types of therapy to deal with her disorder and become more independent looking after herself.
I really do hope this information helps :) You really do deserve to have more freedom keep your chin up
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (21 July 2011):
 I think you should talk to your parents and tell them exactly what you've said here. Your mother has no right to be unreasonable. You've done a lot for her and you deserve the time you can get to yourself. Tell her to stop being selfish and think about you for once. This may make her more angry, but you deserve to be happy. Tell her you need a life of your own and you don't want to wait until college to get it. If your dad can, get your dad to step up and give you a break at least 3 days of the week. You're too young to have to do this alone or at all. And if you have siblings, maybe you could ask each of them could help volunteer at least once or twice a week to take the burden off of you (if they have time). But don't let your mother hold you back from living your life. Tell her how you feel. Does she go through counseling or take medicines for her condition?
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