A
female
age
41-50,
*ne love
writes:I cant seem to trust my husband anymore.Im finding info to lead to other females hes in contact with but when i bring it up nothing really comes out of it.We have been together so long that sometimes I'm not sure if its me or him that has a problem.I have been taught when you look for things you always find something that you dont really want to know but I just cant stop looking through his things.And trust me I'm tired of finding things but I just cant get brave enough to leave.Hes always going on business trips and he always seem to meet differnt women to talk to about his problem that he cant seem to talk to me about so I'm guessing I am the problem.I just need to know what can I do I havent caught him actually cheating because every femeale that hes says is just a friend always back up his story.And Im really tired of always beingmad and crying over things I just cant figure out Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): hun, you are not the problem!! I don't think this guys a cheater, maybe he's (i know this sounds stupid) accidently making you jealous, I mean we've all seen the movies...guy goes out on 'business trip' and has casual cheating sex blahblah...He probably gets a little kick out of it. but he doesn't enjoy making you suffer i'm sure. just tell him that your not the wife who he mustn't talk to about certain things. tell him your his bestfriend and you can talk about anything and that you'd much rather talk everything over than split up.
good luck =]
A
female
reader, In need of a change  +, writes (12 November 2007):
I am in an unhappy marriage,and believe me I know what it feels like not to be able to trust your partner. For me and my husband, I no longer feel that there is hope. Not even in getting the trust back. I've learned to let go and that has been quite a relief for me! In my experience, if something is not right it probably isn't! Trust your gut instinct because the other women may lying to you also! The only thing I've learned through marriage, is how bitter one can become and how to spot a good liar! As for your decision to stay, it is entirely up to you! I've learned the hard way if my partner does not want to meet me in the middle, there is no point.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (12 November 2007):
 Much depends on what you have found out and what he's told them. It depends on your state of mind and the history of your marriage. Those who say it's not your fault might be wrong. They might be correct too. Nobody knows the truth until you give some more details. Even then we're only hearing one side.
Are there any ongoing issues in your marriage that you've neglected? Have you given him a reason to consider cheating? Not that it would e appropriate of him but have you given him a reason to consider it? How is your sex life? Do you show him appreciation? Does he show you appreciation? I won't say who is at fault until you give more information. My guess is it's a little of both.....years together, lack of lust, romance, doing nice things for each other etc...It is a very common occurrence and one that demands effort to change. You have to remember how you were when you first met and try to rekindle some of those feelings.
By the way, how do you know what he talks about to females and how do you get them to confirm his account of what hapened?
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 November 2007):
 Hi,
It sounds like your self confidence has taken a beating.
I think you are right to suspect his intentions. It's hardly normal for men to have a network of female confidantes and you are right to suspect something else in this. Maybe it is just harmless, but if these "friends" are girls he meets up with while on business trips... well it does sound suspicious to say the least. Although I am curious why these girls would be covering for him. Can you explain that a bit further?
There is one sure thing though, it is not you who is the problem. It is he, if he is going away on business trips and hanging out with female "friends" he should be doing everything he can to make you feel special when he's at home .
You dont mention any specifics so its a bit hard to comment about what he's actually doing while away or at home. But at the end of the day as his partner you deserve to be first and foremost in his thoughts and in his plans.
You need to find a way to build trust back into your relationship, the only real way to do this is to talk to your husband and see if he is prepared to work at it as well as you.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 November 2007):
 Relationships have and need and require an element of respect, and trust. I love my children, hanging with my children, and our of respect for them and my household, I don't have many females I talk to because I don't want them to get confused, and wonder what my intentions are with them.
It sounds like you really need to have a conversation with him. If an answer doesn't fulfill the level you think it should you need to ask for further explanation or ask another question to compliment it that drags out more information.
If I were with someone and took business trips, it would be simple to find out what women I talked to, their business card with title and business which I'm directly working with would be in my business card file.
If his gaining friendships with other women bothers you, you need to talk to him about it. Get everything on the table with how you've been feeling and attempt to come up with a solution to these issues. If he's not interested in doing so, then take further action. I know it's scary to make a change sometime, but you deserve to be happy, and sometimes to be happy we have to dig deep inside ourselves and pull out our strength to make that change.
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