A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I´m a 23 year old virgen. I was brought up believing that saving virginity for marriage is the right thing to do. I believed in being patient, honest and faithful with my girlfriend. I believed in sacrafice and putting my partner´s feelings above my own. So far, all I´ve had is disappointment, heartache and loneliness. I think I really should have gone out with sluts and been a lot more liberal. Waiting for the right person all I do is get older. I think it´s time for a change in values. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Tariku  +, writes (8 August 2008):
it good that u have openly expressed your problem. However, I don't agree with the method u choosed to get relief from your problem. Instead, make use of any other method and make urself ease.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Hey man! I think you should read the advice given to the German guy that wants to lose his virginity to a hooker. It´s a question posted a while after yours. I know that the situation is different but I think the advise is similar. Here all you seem to be getting is advise on political correctness.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): I agree with what was said to Lazy Guy but I think collaroy shouldn´t get off the hook. How do you know he was refering to women with a sexual past when he said "slut"? Probably because it´s the word you use. Frankly I think it´s the an adequate word. He could however be referring to a prostitute, a nymph or people with morably questionable behaviour in his personal life. You don´t know who he was referring to. As far as I´m concerned the phrase was very clear. Why shouldn´t he sleep around? Why is everyone paranoid about the word "slut". I think who needs to get with the 21st century are all the people on this page criticizing the boy for using the word. The 21st century is about liberalism. Liberalism is about tolerance. Tolerance includes freedom of expression. Slut is just a word that serves for expression. Such controversy over it is sad. It´s not even a swear word. In case you didn´t get the idea, this site is for giving advise not criticism.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): I think there is another matter behind this question besides losing your virginity. It sounds to me that you had your heart broken by someone after being the true gentlemen and knight in shiny armour. I´m only judging this because I passed through a similar situation. You´re tired of being the "nice guy" and always finishing last. You probably feel unjustice and needed to say something. That´s probably why you sent this question. If you´re like me, you probably haven´t said anything and just kept smiling and being polite. I think the fellow advisers and I could help you more if you told us what happened that has put you in this state of mind. Nobody here knows you so feel free to express yourself. Oh, and don´t worry about using the word SLUT.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008):
Everyone praises a guy for staying a virgin himself.
But will they still praise him if he feels he has the right to hold out for a virgin bride?
Right about now most of the support usually evaporates.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): I want to congratulate you; good to hear there are still some guys around not starting sex at 12 or 13;
Do not doubt your values; the right girl will love and respect you for that;
Get out there, find her, she is waiting somewhere for you!
Don't give up on your morals and what you believe in; that is part of you; be yourself and be happy!
Best of wishes!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): For god sake. All this crap has got out of control. He's a good guy with good morals so he DESERVES to find a good girl.
It's just like I've always said no to casual sex because I know that my future girl would do the same for me. If she hasn't done the same for me then she's not my future girl.
Everyones different in life so stop trying to impose all that crap on him. I personally think that this dude is special so he deserves special. I think that filthy women should end up with filthy men and that is my personal outlook and I can say what the hell I want. Freedom of speach!
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reader, dangerouslove.  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I find it a bit disrespectful of most of you, this boy wanted some advice and mostly all he got is a whole conversation about how you shouldn't call women sluts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Hey Lazy Guy. Don´t judge a person because of the language he chooses to use. Disrespectful is your attack. My understanding of slut is a woman that sleeps around. Whether that is morally or not correct is one´s own criteria to decide. From what I see. This guy´s moral perspective on sleeping around is changing so he probably didn´t mean "slut" in an offensive or insultive manner. He wrote a question in the way he best could express himself. There´s no need here to preach about proper language. this is www.dearcupid.com and not www.englishgrammerandpoliticalcorretness.com. I bet you´ve probably said more than a dozen swear words in your life. That can be interpretted as offensive. It doesn´t however slim your probability of getting laid does it?
My advice to the anymous guy is to keep yourself for marriage. Not for any moral reason. Just for the fact that there´s alot of DSTs going around which makes sleeping around with people risky. Psychologically, if you stay a virgen you´ll remain frustrated, if you lose it you could wind up with equally as big problems. Better the devil you know than the devil you don´t and better safe than sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Hey Lazy Guy. Don´t judge a person because of the language he chooses to use. Disrespectful is your attack. My understanding of slut is a woman that sleeps around. Whether that is morally or not correct is one´s own criteria to decide. From what I see. This guy´s moral perspective on sleeping around is changing so he probably didn´t mean "slut" in an offensive or insultive manner. He wrote a question in the way he best could express himself. There´s no need here to preach about proper language. this is www.dearcupid.com and not www.englishgrammerandpoliticalcorretness.com. I bet you´ve probably said more than a dozen swear words in your life. That can be interpretted as offensive. It doesn´t however slim your probability of getting laid does it? My advice to the anymous guy is to keep yourself for marriage. Not for any moral reason. Just for the fact that there´s alot of DSTs going around which makes sleeping around with people risky. Psychologically, if you stay a virgen you´ll remain frustrated, if you lose it you could wind up with equally as big problems. Better the devil you know than the devil you don´t and better safe than sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Since when was the question about the definition of "slut"? Words are used to describe concepts. What matters is the concept. The internet has people from all over the world. Depending upon the the culture, the meaning of the word slut can be conceived in different ways. Quit arguing about political correctness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Wow 26 answers as I'm writing this. All within 24hours. Very impressive.
I can understand how you feel. Your becoming impatient. Unfortuntatley saving sex until marriage tends to be a female orientated thing, so they don't feel as much 'sympathy' as the men would for the women.
Sexist I know! - just made a lot of enemies...
But there are women out there. You just have to be patient. Why change your values when with a bit more patience, a bit more searching you could stay with your values, feel so happy that you've finally found that person and feel almost rewarded that you've 'got' her?
I know it is hard because of the amount of time, but by sticking to your guns, sticking by and perservering and (trying, and trying again) you can succeed.
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female
reader, sexi suga  +, writes (1 July 2008):
i dont think you should change your whole way of thinking just because your feeling low. i see nothing wrong in waiting for the right person and in time it will happen and it will feel alot more special. patients is a virtue. sleeping with someone just for the sake of it is not worth it. being intimate with someone doesnt have to mean sex, there are alot of other intimate things that a couple can do. i believe that in time the right person will come and it will feel even more special as you can say yehh that was good and it was with a person that i really care about rather then doing it with any old random as you said "slut"
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Well I'm a single "hot" looking chick and I'd jump at the chance to be with someone like you for the rest of my life. Don't be an idiot and throw your virginity away for some sleazy one night stand ... it's not worth it and you'll only put on your back the issue of a sexual addiction which you won't be able to stop. It's easier for women to stop sexual addictions then men. My problem goes way deeper than yours. While I'm saving myself for marriage, I've yet to find someone who is serious about studying the bible like I do so my issue is a bit more rare and harder to handle than yours. But chin up ... that perfect girl is out there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Oh yes I can dear sir, I can do anything. (Diovan grows big head) I'll just get a job in the dictionary department and show them where they're going wrong.
Words can be redefined all the time. Slut is a 15th century word and previously meant an untidy woman, as in "get up you lazy slut". We changed it before, so if enough people have the will, we can change it again. I think it's more appropriate to use the word as eyeswide open just did.
Thanks for the sensible advice Mr FinnMcCool. Of course we disagree about this, but as you say this might not be the best place to discuss the issue.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): EYESWIDEOPEN - thanx for providing a bit of levity to all this - haven't laughed so much in ages!
Thanx.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Sorry but I have the highest regard for my sex, usually, but I can recognize slutty behavior and the woman who cut me off today while I was driving into work was a real cunt.
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reader, Yos  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 The word 'cunt' is in Websters also. That it can be found there doesn't imply it's ok to call someone one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Yos, you're doing it again - you can believe what you like - just allow others to believe what THEY like too!
And Diovanlestat, you can't just re-write the dictionary just because you don't like a certain word! And anyway, who'se arguing with you about YOUR interpretation of 'slut'? I happen to agree with you on that!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): No eyeswideopen, Webster just needs updating to say it's an old fashioned word which is no longer of any use.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Oh dear, we all seem to be bashing each other and not getting on with constructive answering.It is never easy to describe and judge ones' self but DiovanLestat, I do feel that your conclusions about me couldn't be more incorrect. As such, I do find it quite hurtful to be called "abusive" and "don't like women". Honestly, absolutely nothing could be further from the truth - but then that's just my opinion of me. Just like I have an opinion on what the definition of 'slut' is.I am sure other people aren't the slightest bit interested in our 'infighting' so I'll conclude by saying I have no wish, as you suggest to find a slut. I am currently and hopefully forever more, in a relationship.I would be very happy to discuss all this further, DiovanLestat if you contact me personally.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 July 2008):
So I guess the word "slut" needs to be totally removed from Webster's then?
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reader, Yos +, writes (1 July 2008):
"Along with myself, the question asker seems to have a high respect for women generally."
I don't believe anyone who has high respect for women would use the label 'slut' to describe one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Sorry FinnMcCool, but I can't see this liking and respect you have for women. The word slut is only used by people who think who have an over inflated opinion of themselves, feel their morally superior and love to look down on other people to feel good.
What do you call a woman who has......"extremely loose morals, who habitually sleep around for its' own sake and no interest in any other feelings but their own sexual pleasure"
Well these women can be fitted into two types. Those who likes lots of sex and see no reason to change. No problem with that. Men do the same thing, but they get called studs.
The other type of woman has been very emotionally damaged, is using her body and trying to get kindness, and freindship from some deserving man. She's looking for love in all the wrong places, and guys that sleep with her should be renamed abusive, because they can see what's going on, but still use her because they can.
Your advice to this guy make me think you don't like woman and are one of the abusive guys.... very sad to damage sick human beings in this way. Go out and find a "slut", he's still a virgin, how will he know which is abuse and which is a good time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): If I'm a woman and I think the word slut is disgusting for either sex and I a "dyke, championing woman's causes" or does this only count for men.... mmmmm, zen momement......
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reader, LazyGuy +, writes (1 July 2008):
 You pretend to be a nice guy but call women sluts. Ask yourself why that is and you got your answer as to why you are still a virgin.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Lighten up Yos, no malice in what I say.
I do however, feel that the original question IS being misinterpreted. We really need to get this 'slut' thing sorted. It is a term applied to women of extremely loose morals, who habitually sleep around for its' own sake and no interest in any other feelings but their own sexual pleasure, NOT any woman who has had a few partners in relationships here and there. I think that is MOST peoples' interpretation, anyway.
Along with myself, the question asker seems to have a high respect for women generally. That's MY interpretation.
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reader, Yos +, writes (1 July 2008):
FinnMcCool, you make it sound as if being a "dyke, championing woman's causes" is a bad thing!
This site has many many men posting on it who are virgins (or sexually inexperienced), and hold that up as some morally praiseworthy position whilst putting down more sexual women as sluts and 'worth less than them' on some level.
There is nothing wrong with saving yourself for marriage, if you so choose. But to put a moral judgement on others who don't do so is unreasonable. Labelling women as 'sluts' betrays that moral judgment.
I may be reading the original question wrong, but I must say I echo what Collaroy says, and his reading of it.
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reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Mate,
you are not going to get much sympathy if you refer to women with a sexual past as sluts. Certainly not from me, so grow up and join the 21st century.
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female
reader, Ski +, writes (1 July 2008):
I'm sorry you feel that way but believe me most wemon would die for a man like you most women arnt to fond of the guys who want to jump in the sac the first date I'd love to talk to you and I dont usually do this but I'd prefer you message me and we could talk so we can talk 1 on 1 I think with this problem it'd be easyer and with some of the comments I just think it may be nessasay I'm younger than you too by the way not a lot only a little but I under stand so please message me
Hope I helped
Ski
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Yos, that's just your opinion and you're entitled to it - just don't go foisting it on others. It makes you sound like a dyke, championing womens' causes!
No-one's calling all women sluts, just the ones with morals deserving of the adjective.
Oh, right on, DuncanGreen!
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male
reader, Yos +, writes (1 July 2008):
In reference to the comment below, my point is that calling women 'sluts' is disrespectful and the attitude 'I should just go bang some sluts' is sexist. Unless you're willing to admit that by doing so you too are 'a slut'. In that case you're still disrespectful, but at least you're consistent.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): This question is best answered by another male because we can easily separate lust from love. Which is why I am surprised at Yos's answer.
Face it, there are women around who will willingly have sex with almost anyone, just for fun. These are generally called sluts, like it or not. I personally think that as a young man, there is nothing wrong with gaining experience and having some fun with this type of girl - it sounds as if you're in desperate need, friend!
The notion of saving yourself is quite old-fashioned if not rare these days and I'm sure your future wife would be pleased, when the time comes, at your experience and ability to initiate and perform lovemaking in an adept, knowledgable and pleasureable way, rather than have you fumbling about in a juvenile, inexperienced fashion.
Good luck mate!
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reader, DuncanGreen +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Damn. Out of college now?, cuz there is tons of liberal girls in college. You can still have your fun though. Go out and date liberal girls, but remember to marry a conservative one.
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reader, Yos +, writes (1 July 2008):
If you think it is good to have gone out with 'sluts' then you are right, you do need a change in values. You need to change your attitude about 'sluts', that's a degrading word and it's insulting to use it in a general way like you do.
There is a middle ground: having sex in the context of a committed healthy relationship is a great thing. Rather than saving yourself for marriage, I suggest finding a steady girlfriend (not a slut...).
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): have u thought about finding ppl with your same values? maybe if you haven't you should join a church group and meet a woman there with your same values. find another virgin. and if its hard in your direct community you could always try a site like myspace or something and search for girls your age that have things in common with u. if u want to blow off the 23 years because of frustration it was all for nothing. but if u wait and find the right person you'll be happier in the end. you'll be glad u waited. i didn't wait and now i regret it. if you did go blow it on a slut i'm pretty sure you'll end up regretting it too.
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