A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dont get this guy! He said he likes me but didnt want a relationship cuz he was too "busy" with school. I told him i felt like i was being used for sex cuz we werent dating and he wouldnt hold my hand in public cause it was "scary". he told me that it was only cuz of his schedule and we did some non sexual stuff together. i thought i was pregnant and when i told him, he was supportive and said that i should have told him sooner and he would have gotten the test for me and stuff. why would he stick around? i mean he could always have one night stands right? he always call me hot/beautiful or cool/fun and he gets jealous when i talk to or mention other guys and always ask "is that your boyfriend?" when i talk to someone. he texted me the other day saying that he missed me but we live five hours away so its not like i could come over there and have sex with him. i mean i know he only wants sex so why does he act like my bf when i know that he doesnt want to be?
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male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (1 July 2008):
 You're confused and need to get your head together here. He only wants sex, but was supportive when the two of you thought you might be pregnant, and you do non-sexual stuff together? Sounds like more than just sex to me.
A five-hour commute is a long way to go for sex. If that's all he's after I'm sure that there's nowhere in the United States that he can't get sex closer by than THAT. You've got to be something special to him if he continues to make that trek to visit you. My current GF lives six hours away, and hot as she is neither of us would be making that drive (one or the other of us travels every other weekend) if there wasn't more than just sex involved.
Some guys, especially young guys, are shy and embarrassed about public displays like holding hands in public. They usually grow out of it eventually.
But it does sound to me like both of you are confused about this relationship. I recommend some clear thought, and then some honest and open communication. First, figure out just what you do want from the relationship, and what you can reasonably expect from your partner. Then sit down and talk to him frankly and honestly about it. There's a name for that kind of behavior ... we call it "maturity". If he can't or won't go along with the idea of thinking out what he wants and needs from a relationship with you, and of talking about it openly with you, maybe he's just not ready to be involved in such a relationship with you. And if you can't hold up your end of such a discussion, maybe you shouldn't be in such a position either.
Being grown up and ready for an adult responsibility is not just about your body being willing and able to have sex. Your mind has to be there as well. You have to be able to think things through and figure things out or these kinds of relationships are just like playing with fire ... you ARE going to get burned.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Were you being used for sex? Well in my opinion, thats hard to say. Just because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, doesn't mean he doesn't like you.
You guys also live five hours away so that could be a problem if you guys started a real relationship with eachother. Somebody who was "supportive" of you when you thought you were pregnant, doesn't really sound like somebody who was using you for sex. But, I think there are alot of deeper issues then he's too "busy" with school, and wouldn't hold your hand cause it was "scary" Like c'mon, let's get real! Find out where he stands, and tell him where you stand. Tell him you want a relationship with him, and that if he isn't for it, then theres no point in sticking around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): its sounds weird to say but it seems he likes you as a friend and is sexually attracted to you but doesn't like you as a girlfriend. it seems he only likes you as a friend with benefits. sometimes even tho someone doesn't want to be with you that way if they are sleeping with you they feel obligated to act like they are with you. just not in public. he probably cares about you and feels bad that he wants nothing more than a friendship and sex so he acts like a bf to you so you won't feel like you're being used. have you ever had a friend you would do anything for that you thought was hott that you hated to see with other girls even though you didn't like them like that? it sounds to me that that is the situation.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Sweetie, sounds like you are a FWB... You need to sit him down and ask him what he wants out of the relationship as it sounds like you want a boyfriend and he doesnt want the committment.
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